DEAR ABBY: I'm a disabled middle-aged woman, married for 15 years. From the beginning, there was never much passion between my husband and me, but we're friends. I'm now becoming less able to go out and do things, and I will eventually be wheelchair-bound. I want to leave him so he can find someone who is able to do things with him.

I actually did it at one point. I moved into a cheap mobile home, but he sold the house and followed me. He's a loving husband, but he is messy. I exhaust myself picking up after him, and two months after moving into another house, the entire garage and basement cannot be walked through.

I really think what I want is to live alone in a simple, clean apartment. He -- and others -- tell me I need him and I'm nuts to live alone on Social Security when I could stay in this nice house. I'm just so tired all the time, and cleaning up after him is torture physically. Should I stay or should I go? -- EXHAUSTED IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR EXHAUSTED: Although you didn't say it directly, your messy husband may be a hoarder. If that's the case, whether you stay or live elsewhere may depend upon his getting help for it -- not to mention getting the garage and basement cleared out.

Obviously, your husband loves you or he wouldn't have followed you when you moved into the mobile home. Do not divorce him because you feel guilty about not being well. He may need you as much as you need him. If picking up after him is too tiring, then it may be time to get someone in periodically to clean.

DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away last year after a six-year struggle with Alzheimer's. It was a long and heartbreaking time for me. I have two sons, but they don't live close. I see them and their families only a few times a year. I have pretty much been alone since my husband's diagnosis. I have friends -- all couples -- but going out with them isn't comfortable. It's a very lonely life.

I recently met a nice man who is divorced with no children. He has asked me to dinner. My problem is that he is 20 years younger. He says age doesn't matter to him, but I don't want to look like an old fool. (I'm 84.) We communicate by phone or email. I have not told anyone about this.

We have so much in common -- we like the same foods, same kind of music and other things. I have always taken care of myself, and no one can believe my age. I'm not looking for marriage, but it would be nice to have someone to have dinner with, and good conversation. I love to play golf, and so does he. Am I being foolish? -- LONG TIME LONELY

DEAR LONG TIME LONELY: No. Unless you have a "sell by" date stamped on your forehead, you should not preoccupy yourself with the difference in your ages. You say you aren't looking for marriage, so why not have an enjoyable time and see if a relationship evolves? You will have a happier life once you stop worrying about what other people may -- or may not -- think. It's called living your life.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a stay-at-home mom with three children -- all in school. We recently had security cameras installed around our house. However, my husband has taken to using them to monitor everything I do throughout the day. He will say things like, "What took so long to go to the dry cleaner?" or, "Why did you go outside at 11 a.m.?" I feel like a prisoner in my home! What should I do? -- NO PRIVACY IN THE EAST

DEAR NO PRIVACY: What your husband is doing is controlling and, frankly, creepy. This is what insecure abusers do to their significant others. Tell him you do not have to account to him for every minute of your day, and that he should be doing more important things with his time than monitoring you. And then insist the two of you get counseling. Do it now.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a healthy 30-year-old woman living in Los Angeles. A close friend just had a baby. I'm planning to visit her, but she is demanding that before I do I get vaccinated (the Tdap). I didn't think much of it, but another friend thinks that's a tall order. She says why can't I just wash my hands and use hand sanitizer like everyone else? Do you think this is an appropriate request, or is my other friend overreacting? -- OLD SCHOOL

DEAR OLD SCHOOL: The Tdap vaccine is important because it protects against tetanus, diphtheria and pertussis (whooping cough). It is usually given only once in a person's lifetime, with booster shots every 10 years. Unless otherwise indicated by a health care professional, everyone over the age of 19 who has never received this vaccine should have it.

Yes, I do think the mother's request is appropriate, and your other friend is overreacting. If you prefer not to do it, you always have the option of waiting to visit until after the baby begins the DTaP series of vaccinations.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a healthy 30-year-old woman living in Los Angeles. A close friend just had a baby. I'm planning to visit her, but she is demanding that before I do I get vaccinated (the Tdap). I didn't think much of it, but another friend thinks that's a tall order. She says why can't I just wash my hands and use hand sanitizer like everyone else? Do you think this is an appropriate request, or is my other friend overreacting? -- OLD SCHOOL

DEAR OLD SCHOOL: The Tdap vaccine is important because it protects against tetanus, diphtheria and pertussis (whooping cough). It is usually given only once in a person's lifetime, with booster shots every 10 years. Unless otherwise indicated by a health care professional, everyone over the age of 19 who has never received this vaccine should have it.

Yes, I do think the mother's request is appropriate, and your other friend is overreacting. If you prefer not to do it, you always have the option of waiting to visit until after the baby begins the DTaP series of vaccinations.

DEAR ABBY: A boy (also a junior in high school) asked me to a school dance a couple of weeks ago. He's kind, funny, does great in school. I really like him, and I think he likes me, but since the dance, nothing has happened! The problem, I think, is that he is Mormon.

I am fine with his religion. I am Jewish and not very religious, but I'm not planning to convert. We have talked about this together, and I'm afraid that his parents and/or religion won't permit him to have a relationship with me. What are the rules about dating when you are Mormon? Is he not allowed to date me, or is he just shy? -- DON'T KNOW IN TEXAS

DEAR DON'T KNOW: I'm not an expert on the Mormon religion, so I took your question to my "Mormon connection," Allen Bergin, Ph.D. After I read him your letter, he asked me to assure you that the boy is just shy. Be patient, and you'll probably hear from him around the time of the next dance.

DEAR ABBY: This is the 37th anniversary of when I met and fell in love with a beautiful young woman in Iowa. We were together less than a year before she decided to pursue her dreams in California. When she left, it broke my heart for years. To this day I still feel the loss.

In the years that followed, our paths crossed a few more times. Because I was recently married then, I told my old friend and lover I needed to close the book on our relationship. Saying it ripped my heart out because I knew it would cause me to lose her forever, but we both respected it. After a divorce many years later, I started looking for her, to no avail.

An urgency has overcome me now because I have been diagnosed with cancer and I'm not sure what my future holds. I don't want to rekindle something I can't finish, but I would like to say goodbye one last time before I'm laid to my eternal rest. Should I continue searching for her or should I stop, hoping she hears my prayers after all these years and knowing I tried to do the right thing by her when I smiled and waved as she drove away so long ago? -- UNSURE OF MY FUTURE

DEAR UNSURE: Please accept my sympathy for your diagnosis. I'm sure most women would be touched to hear they were the love of someone's life, even if that love was unrequited.

Remember, that decision was made many years ago. What if you find her and she's married with children? Would it make you feel better or worse? These days, many cancers are treatable/curable. If you should find her and you are not terminal, will it give you closure or more heartache? Only you can answer that.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-wife and I have a 5-year-old son, "Ricky." Each year it's becoming more of a disagreement how to handle details for his birthday party. She believes that, in addition to inviting his closest friends, we need to invite every child in his school's class.

Ricky is in kindergarten and there are 18 children in his class. She says we can't risk hurting any potential uninvited classmates (and thereby their parents). My thinking is it's our son's special day and he should have only the people there he wants most.

There's also the party's expense. I don't believe we need to foot the bill for extra kids and supplies. Personally, I also don't want our son to be spoiled by receiving so many additional birthday presents.

Where do you sit on this issue? And if you agree with my wife, how old will our son be when this is no longer in effect? -- KEEPING THE PEACE IN FLORIDA

DEAR KEEPING THE PEACE: I do not agree with your wife. If your son would be inviting all but a few of his classmates, then I can see that there might be hurt feelings. But if the number of guests is limited to say, six, I don't think that would be the case. Fear of offending the parents of the uninvited two-thirds of his class should not enter into the decision. This would also ensure that your son is not snowed under by an avalanche of gifts.