DEAR ABBY: Years ago, my husband and I hosted a St. Patrick's Day party in our apartment for friends. There was a lot of drinking going on. I had to be at work early the next morning, so I went to bed while the party went on. I awoke a short while later to one of the men attempting to rape me. He stopped and attempted an apology by saying, "But you are just so pretty."

My husband and I graduated from high school with this person, and he is/was part of the same circle of friends. I have not told many people, but the few who do know have maintained a friendship with him, including my husband.

Because of the #MeToo campaign, all the emotions have come to a head for me now. I think about this assault daily. The worst thing for me is that even though he knows about it, my husband has chosen to remain friends with him for 35 years. How can I get past this? -- CAN'T FORGET IN VIRGINIA

DEAR CAN'T FORGET: I can only imagine how traumatic the assault was, and for that you have my sympathy. The friends you confided in may feel that because your attacker was drunk, what he did was somehow excusable. That your husband would be so forgiving is, frankly, shocking.

It may take the help of a licensed mental health professional to put this behind you, if that's possible. I sincerely hope you will reach out to a therapist who treats post-traumatic stress as well as victims of sexual assault, and include your husband in some of the sessions.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 55-year-old gay man with a problem. My 22-year-old son doesn't know I'm gay. It was after my divorce that I started seeing men again.

I married my life partner of 13 years last year. My husband thinks I should sit my son down and tell him. I want to tell my son and be honest with him about my relationship with my husband, but my son is very religious and I'm afraid this will drive a wedge between us. Plus, I'm afraid of what ideas my ex would fill his head with about me. Please advise. -- CONFUSED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CONFUSED: You say your son is 22 and you have been with your now-husband for 13 years. Haven't you had regular visitation with your son all this time? Doesn't he like your husband? If the answers to those questions are yes, then what makes you think he isn't already aware of your sexual orientation? On the other hand, if the answers to my questions are no, then I doubt that telling your son what's what will drive him any further away from you than he already is.

DEAR ABBY: What would you say about a man who still keeps a photo of himself with his late wife as his computer background picture two years after he remarried? -- SECOND-FIDDLE SECOND WIFE

DEAR WIFE: I'd say he may be too lazy or computer-inept to update it. If it were me, I'd "volunteer" to help him change it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married two years, but my husband and I have been together for more than 10. We have a 3-year-old daughter who has needed a few extra doctor appointments and therapy. My husband makes it to none of these extra appointments, some of which are crucial to her future. We both work full-time, but he works six days a week.

I have started to regard him differently because I'm doing everything for our daughter. Sometimes I feel like a single parent. I don't want my marriage to fail, but we aren't connecting anymore. I take off work or switch my hours around because I know that's what you do for your child. He never takes off work, yet he doesn't think twice about going golfing with his boss like it's no big deal. What do you think I should do? -- WISCONSIN MOMMY

DEAR MOMMY: Talk to your husband. You won't be able to achieve a more equal balance until you make your feelings known and discuss this with him.

I'm sorry you didn't mention what kind of job your husband has, because it's an important omission. He may be doing everything he can for you and his daughter. A six-day-a-week schedule doesn't offer much flexibility. And please don't judge him for playing golf with his boss. A lot of business is discussed on the links, and his presence may be more compulsory than you realize.

DEAR ABBY: My adult child recently passed away. Although he didn't live with me, I handled the arrangements and held the visitation in my home.

It has been only a few months, but I feel the need to get everything settled. But every time I sit down to write thank-you cards, I become so anxious I find it hard to breathe. Some family members have told me thank-you cards are not expected for bereavement. Can you tell me what the proper etiquette and time frame is in this matter? -- HAS TO SETTLE EVERYTHING

DEAR HAS: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your son. There are two ways to handle the task of thanking those who sent flowers, food or condolence letters. The first is to ask a friend or another family member to help you. The other is as simple as having cards printed that say, "The family of ____________ want to thank you for reaching out to us at this sad time," and signing your name. I hope this is helpful for you.

DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend with whom I often travel and attend events. She's a lovely person, but she has the odd habit of singing in public -- in gift shops, restaurants, or any public place where music is playing (and sometimes even when it's not). I can't have the radio on in the car without her singing along. She has an OK voice, but her style is a bit operatic. How can I gently tell her that her spontaneous performances are inappropriate and excessive? -- NOT KARAOKE IN THE EAST

DEAR NOT KARAOKE: I suspect your friend craves attention, which is why she does it. Pay her the compliment she's looking for by telling her how nice her voice is, but you would prefer she not sing when you're out in public together because you find it embarrassing.

DEAR ABBY: I'm struggling because my stepson has chosen to get married on my birthday. I have been his stepmom for 18 years. It feels like a punch in the chest. My in-law family members are saying things like "OMG, how do you feel about that? I can't believe you're going to let that happen. It will no longer be your special day."

My feelings are deeply hurt. My husband says it's no big deal and I shouldn't let it bother me. But every time someone asks me about it, I feel hurt, and when I'm finally by myself, I cry. I don't know what to do. I need someone's help. Is what my stepson is doing bad etiquette, a slap in the face or no big deal? -- BIRTHDAY GIRL IN ILLINOIS

DEAR BIRTHDAY GIRL: That your stepson would be married on your birthday isn't a slap in the face; it's a compliment. If you like his fiancee, consider her to be the ultimate birthday present. I'm surprised anyone would imply, as your in-laws have, that their anniversary would create any kind of conflict. Think of it this way: Your stepson and his new wife will never forget your birthday.

DEAR ABBY: As a single man, I have been on a few dating websites, and I'd like to say something to the women I have encountered: What is it about you that makes you worth my time to pursue? Many women show a lot of pictures, but reveal very little about themselves. Then some of them say in their last sentence that they "want more than 10 words to say hello." These women seem well-educated but unable to write more than a short paragraph about who they are.

Ladies, if you want more than a hi or hello, write something about yourselves beyond your likes and dislikes. Describe who you are, what your hopes and dreams are, and say something that I, as a man, would respond to in my introduction. If you did, it would help me to determine whether I should pursue you. -- IN THE DARK

DEAR IN THE DARK: You make a valid point. I'll be sure to reread your letter if I ever need to join a dating site, and so, I am sure, will my "sisters" out there. Thanks for the heads-up!

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law has had an incredible amount of cosmetic work done, particularly on her face. She is constantly looking for the next new thing to try to look younger -- "push this up, tighten that up, erase these marks," etc.

She is a pretty girl, and she thinks this is making her better-looking, but it's making her look worse. Should I let her know how I feel about what she's doing or leave it alone? -- AGING GRACEFULLY

DEAR AGING GRACEFULLY: What your sister-in-law does with her face and body is her business, just as what you are doing -- or not doing -- with yours is your choice. Much as you are tempted to tell her that her attempts to look better are futile, if you want a cordial relationship with her, keep your opinion to yourself.