DEAR ABBY: I am almost 62 and struggling to get through the day at work. It's not because of the work itself, but I am extremely unhappy in the work environment.

I have been here more than 20 years, and I have a real problem with the work ethic of the younger employees. They come in to work anywhere from a half-hour to two hours late. One of them takes hourlong breaks, two-hour lunches and then leaves early. Another comes to work and complains nonstop about her drive, her ex and all her aches and pains. (She just turned 40.) I go home every night frustrated and so stressed out I snap at my poor husband.

I really want to retire. It wouldn't be a financial burden, although we would have to cut back on a little spending. My husband won't offer an opinion, but I know I'd be much happier and healthier if I did. Any advice? -- STRESSED AND TIRED

DEAR STRESSED: You might be happier and healthier if, rather than retire early, you talked to a licensed mental health professional about how to manage your stress. You can't control the behavior (or misbehavior) of your younger co-workers. That's your boss's responsibility. If their lack of punctuality and poor attendance doesn't bother your employer, you should not be letting it affect you.

And as to the woman who complains about her aches, her pains and her ex -- why are you listening to that garbage? You have only a few more years until you reach an age at which you can retire with all the benefits you have earned -- and without having to cut back. Please consider what I have said and ride it out.

DEAR ABBY: I recently had a phone conversation with a cousin who lives on the other side of the country. We talk once a month. She has always been judgmental and negative about our cousins, aunts, uncles, etc., who -- for the most part -- she rarely communicates with. In the past, when she would put them down, I'd cut the conversation short because I didn't want to listen.

During our last chat, she started in on my brother. That's when I lost it. I gave her a piece of my mind and hung up. Since then, she has texted and called a few times, but I haven't responded.

I feel bad for what happened, but at the same time, I refuse to listen to her talk badly about and judge other family members. How should I handle this? Should I respond to her? In one of her texts she said she "didn't mean to upset me," but I don't consider that an apology. -- HATES JUDGMENT IN OHIO

DEAR HATES JUDGMENT: Yes, you should respond to your cousin. She needs to understand that you are changing the rules regarding further conversations with her.

Explain that it has always made you uncomfortable when she said unkind, judgmental things about family members, and that when she started in on your brother, you finally reached your limit. Tell her that in the future when you talk, it must be about positive things and not family members. After that, the ball will be in her court. See if she follows through.

DEAR ABBY: When I was in my teens, and even into my 20s and 30s, I was a Plain Jane. I had little self-confidence. But strangely, I'm one of those people who has gotten better looking as I've aged. Now in my 50s, I am better looking than many women my age or even younger. Men definitely notice me, and I love it.

My problem is, I'm now obsessed with my appearance. I constantly worry that I'll lose my looks. I have even considered cosmetic surgery. I don't want to be the shallow person I see I'm becoming. What can I do? -- LATE BLOOMER

DEAR LATE BLOOMER: There's a saying, "You can fool Mother Nature, but you can't fool Father Time." What it boils down to is, time takes its toll on everyone.

It isn't shallow to have the feelings you are experiencing. But please remember that beauty is more than what's on the surface. Perhaps it's time to start concentrating on qualities that accentuate your inner rather than external beauty -- kindness, warmth, intelligence, generosity, an appreciation for the value of others -- because charm lasts longer than beauty.

This is not to say I don't appreciate the value of cosmetic surgery, which can do wonders for a person's sagging ego. But your appearance should not be the focus of your life because, frankly, it isn't healthy.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to the letter from "Military Service Marker" you printed on Dec. 22. When my uncle, a military veteran, passed away, he was without a military service marker, too. His two kids (my cousins) didn't bother to obtain one, probably out of sheer laziness.

Feeling that it was important, I took the initiative and contacted the VA myself. I obtained the record of his honorable discharge (form DD 214) and his death certificate. I filled out the appropriate paperwork and my uncle got the marker to which he was entitled free of charge. It was delivered directly to the cemetery, and the only cost involved was the installation. It was well worth it, and I have never asked my cousins for a dime. I felt proud about having done something for a deserving vet! -- BILL B. IN MISSOURI

DEAR BILL: My thanks to you and to the scores of other readers who wrote to share this information with me. It is important to know that relatives of deceased military veterans can receive these military markers at no cost. Starting the process is as easy as contacting the cemetery, the VA at www.cem.va.gov/hmm/, or a local VFW or American Legion post for assistance.

DEAR ABBY: I need advice on whether to contact an old friend who backstabbed me years ago with my former business partner. I'm trying to get back into the field, and this old "friend" is doing well now. He has a lot of contacts that could help me start my own company. I'm not sure if I should contact him because of what he did to me. Should I? -- UNCERTAIN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Frankly, I think it would be a waste of time. Leopards don't usually change their spots. If you expect someone who backstabbed you once in business to become generous and helpful, you are dreaming. Find another way to network that he can't "taint," because if he can, he will.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and her boyfriend have been together for four years. Despite being almost 30, he is very immature and constantly distracted by either his phone or his video games.

Abby, he travels with his PlayStation everywhere he goes. When he comes into our house, he sets up his console in the living room, puts on headphones and plays games all day and night. If the family asks to use the TV for a few hours, he will sit on the sofa and take a nap or pull out his phone and continue gaming.

I know nothing more about him than I did the first month I met him. He is rude, boorish, self-centered and has a criminal record (drugs). They live in another state, and for my daughter's sake, I try to accommodate him. When I asked for them to "visit us, not our TV," she became very defensive.

Is this the new norm? Must I provide a TV in their room for when they stay? When they went to visit his family who live near us, he took the system to their house for the three-hour visit.

How do I deal with this addiction? My daughter now wants to bring him along while we have our mother/daughter lunch and manicures. It's like he's 3 and has to tag along. He has no friends. When she goes out for a night with her girlfriends, we are expected to "baby-sit." I've never encountered anything like this. Please advise me. -- DONE MOTHERING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DONE: I'll try, but first you will have to admit your part in creating this problem. You have to learn to say no to your daughter and her "boy"friend. If you want to watch television for a few hours during their visit, remember it's your home and you don't have to apologize for it. If you want a mother/daughter lunch and manicures, and she wants to drag him along, say, "No, this is our mother/daughter time. An hour or so alone with you is not too much to ask."

The solution to your problem is to stop allowing your daughter -- and her socially inadequate boyfriend -- to dictate what's happening under your roof and in your life. Until you put your foot down, nothing will change.

DEAR ABBY: By coincidence, I have a niece and nephew who will be graduating at the same time this spring. My nephew is getting a degree from a four-year college. My niece is getting a beautician's license from a high school/trade school. She has no plans to attend college.

I will be giving them both graduation gifts, but should the amount be based on their level of education, or the fact that they have both completed their educations?

I don't want my niece to feel slighted. She chose a profession she loves but does not require further education. I also don't want my nephew to feel slighted because he worked longer at far greater expense. -- UNSURE IN THE EAST

DEAR UNSURE: If you are worried that your niece and nephew will compare your gifts, give each the same amount. What these gifts memorialize is not the money that was spent on their educations, but rather that they have both attained the level of education for which they were working.