DEAR ABBY: My wife passed away two years ago at age 40 after a long bout with cancer. We had three children, ages 7 to 12. I am 44 and engaged now to a wonderful woman. We are planning to have a small wedding with fewer than 50 guests.

While the kids and I are doing well, my late wife's mother, "Karen," is still grieving. She has a forceful personality and can be quite pushy. She lives nearby.

We have not finalized the arrangements or sent out invitations. Karen has been asking if she and my former father-in-law are invited, but we haven't answered her yet. She says she's hurt because she feels we don't want her there.

Is it proper etiquette to invite the parents of a deceased spouse to a remarriage? The only people she would know aside from us would be my parents, who need to bond with my fiancee's family who are coming from out of town. The kids seem to not care either way. If it were me, I'd feel awkward being there. Help! -- LOOKING TO THE FUTURE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR LOOKING: Although your late wife is gone, her parents are still your children's grandparents and therefore should be treated as part of your family. While you might feel awkward if you were in their position, consider how hurt they will be if they are not included on the guest list. The decision whether to attend should be theirs to make.

Welcome them and treat them with kindness. A wife can be "replaced," but a daughter cannot, which is why Karen is still grieving even though you have gone on with your life.

DEAR ABBY: I need advice on how to deal with a friend/neighbor's messy, unkempt backyard. We are getting ready to put our house on the market, and I'm concerned their yard may be a deterrent to potential buyers. Their pool looks like a swamp, and various pieces of lawn furniture are strewn about the yard. Tables are turned upside down and random items are thrown about.

They are friends of ours, but I have no clue how to broach such a sensitive topic without upsetting them. Please help. -- LIVING NEXT TO A SWAMP

DEAR LIVING: Because those neighbors are friends, I assume they are aware that you are selling your home. If you live in an area that's prone to any dangerous mosquito-borne viruses, you would be doing them a favor to point out that their pool equipment needs fixing because still water makes an excellent breeding place for mosquitoes.

As to the state of their yard, your real estate agent may have some suggestions about how to handle that. If you and your spouse volunteer to help your neighbors make it more attractive, they might be receptive. However, if they refuse and you live in a community with a neighborhood association that regulates how properties must look in order to preserve their value, consider bringing this to its attention.

DEAR ABBY: When I was 16 and wanted to get married, my father suggested I write to Dear Abby (your mom was writing the column back then) and ask her opinion. He said he would agree with what she said. I did, and Abby wrote me back. We did get married, and I decided that on our 25th anniversary, I would let you know how we were doing. You printed my letter.

As we celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary year, I want you to know our marriage has only strengthened. A very young couple who began life together with no idea what path we would take has experienced the best that life could offer. We have two beautiful daughters, wonderful grandchildren and a great-grandchild. We've had success in our careers, traveled the world, visited every state in our great country and can confidently relate that life has been good.

Commitment through the good and bad times is the key to a lasting marriage. It isn't always easy, but the rewards far outweigh the problems. -- TOOK THE ADVICE IN MONTANA

DEAR TOOK THE ADVICE: I'm pleased to know you are as happy on your 50th anniversary as you were on your 25th. It's interesting you would say that the key to a lasting marriage is commitment. I would offer that it is also mutual respect. (My mother once said that the key to a lasting marriage is a husband who lasts!)

My warmest congratulations to you both, and a very happy Valentine's Day to you, your husband and to all my readers.

DEAR ABBY: I'm married to a beautiful woman, "Suzonne." We are bodybuilders and into fitness, so we are both quite muscular.

Recently, my wife cut her hair short. It's a great look for her, and we both love the style. Unfortunately, some people have begun calling her "sir" at work and when she's out and about. Suzonne waits tables a couple of nights a week for extra income. Some of the customers have gone so far as to keep calling her "sir" after she has told them that she's female.

This infuriates me because it's so disrespectful. I know it hurts my wife's feelings, although she has been super strong about it. It's plain when you look at Suzonne that she is a beautiful woman.

How can she nip this in the bud before it starts to make her feel bad? I feel a strong need to defend her, and I don't want to get into a physical altercation with anyone over it. -- HURT FEELINGS IN FLORIDA

DEAR HURT FEELINGS: Because your wife has a muscular build and a short haircut, it's possible some of the individuals who call her "sir" are making an honest mistake. However, for someone to persist after being informed that she is a woman is extremely rude. (It makes me wonder if the offender has a warped sense of humor or is threatened by her muscular appearance.)

When it happens at work, Suzonne should ask her manager how the situation should be handled rather than allow it to continue. But under no circumstances should you get into a physical altercation because of it. Instead, on the home front, continue to reassure your wife that she's beautiful.

DEAR ABBY: My husband refuses to memorize my cellphone number. He says as long as it's in his phone he doesn't need to. I feel he should know it so if he loses the phone or the battery goes dead, I can be reached. What do you think? -- LOGICAL IN KANSAS

DEAR LOGICAL: Experience is the best teacher. I think you should stop arguing with your husband and let him suffer the consequences. An option might be for him to jot the number on a small piece of paper and keep it in his wallet.

DEAR ABBY: I'm not attracted to my husband. I love him and don't want to live without him, but I do not want to be physically intimate with him. I know it is unfair to him, and I have tried everything from antidepressants to meditation to diet, but nothing works.

I used to have a high libido, but I haven't wanted to have sex with him in years. We do it maybe two or three times a month because I force myself to, but it is unpleasant for me. He doesn't want to guilt me into sex and hates that I force myself, but he has a very high libido.

We are in our mid-20s and I know this is killing him -- and us. I am attracted to some (but very few) others -- just not to him. I have always been more emotionally attracted to women than men, but I don't think that is it. I need help before our marriage starts to crumble. -- AVOIDING IT IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR AVOIDING IT: I can't wave a magic wand and make you more physically attracted to your husband. I can suggest that the most sensitive sexual organ in a woman's body resides between her ears.

However, I am not qualified to diagnose whether your problem may be of a physical nature. That's why I'm advising you to ask your doctor to perform a thorough physical examination. If he or she finds nothing amiss, ask the doctor -- or your health insurance company -- to refer you to a licensed mental health professional who can help you figure out what's going on.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I moved to a new town last year and are working on settling in and making friends. Our way has been to accept every invitation offered in hopes of building relationships in this small community.

We recently had dinner at the home of a neighbor couple who were very welcoming, but we quickly realized the four of us have absolutely nothing in common. Making conversation through the meal and coffee taxed all of our small-talk skills, and there were many painful silences. Any foray into current events, family life -- even gardening -- revealed stark differences that brought conversation to a screeching halt. We made an excuse to go home early and sent a thank-you note the next day.

Usually, I think a dinner invitation requires a reciprocal invitation in the future. In this case, I'm wondering if it would be better to just let it go. Would it be rude to not reciprocate, or must I suck it up? If we must have them over, how do I ensure the second dinner goes better than the first? We hope to live here for a long time. -- DIFFERENT IN THE WEST

DEAR DIFFERENT: Do the right thing and invite the couple for dinner. It does not have to be in your home -- a nice restaurant would do. If the evening was as uncomfortable as you have described, they may not accept your invitation. But if they do, a way to make conversation flow more easily might be to include another couple.