DEAR ABBY: I started seeing a new doctor six months ago to be treated for a serious medical condition. I respect his medical opinion and the fact that many doctors treating my condition would be judgmental and lack compassion. He has offered both.

While I appreciate his skills as a doctor, I have started to develop romantic feelings for him. I realize telling him would put him in an awkward position and possibly jeopardize our professional relationship because of the ethical implications. I don't want to move on to another doctor because I value his services. How do I get over it? -- ANONYMOUSLY IN LOVE

DEAR IN LOVE: Your romantic feelings for your doctor are not as unusual as you may think. When a person needs ongoing medical care as you do, it's natural to feel vulnerable and dependent. When that happens, something called "transference" can occur. The emotions associated with one person -- such as a parent -- become transferred to the doctor. If you keep this in mind, it may help you to better handle your emotions.

DEAR ABBY: I was adopted at a year old by loving parents. Through a lifetime of hard work, they have become wealthy. Their generosity allowed my husband and me to buy our first home and start married life debt-free.

My problem is, their community and friends, including some of my husband's and my own, often feel compelled to bring the subject up. I always thought it was rude to ask questions about other people's finances, and I don't know how to respond to their intrusive questions.

I'm very aware of our unique situation, and I'm extremely grateful to my parents for the generosity we have received. How do I respond to friends and acquaintances when they bring up such a sensitive subject? -- GRATEFUL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR GRATEFUL: Remember this. You do not have to answer every question that is asked of you. When questions about your home or finances are raised, reply, "That's very personal. My parents are generous, and my husband and I are grateful." PERIOD!

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for three years to a woman who is very beautiful inside and out. (We have been together for six years.) Recently, I found out she is addicted to pain meds -- and two months ago she confided that she had gotten hooked on heroin.

I set up an intervention to get her into rehab. But when the time came to go, she kept putting it off. She said she wanted to get high "one more time," so I told her OK, as long as she did it at home, so I'd know she was safe. After she injected herself, she went limp, so I called 911 and got her into the hospital.

It is now two months later, and she is back. I love her dearly, but I no longer desire to be intimate with her. How do I tell her I will always stand by her, but no longer want to be intimate? She's younger and still has a strong sex drive. -- LOST THAT PART IN THE EAST

DEAR LOST: The news should be conveyed in the office of a licensed marriage and family therapist. While your sexual problem may result from the shock of seeing your wife nearly die in front of you, there may be more to it. You say she is "younger and still has a strong sex drive." This suggests that you are older and your lack of desire might to some extent be age- or hormone-related.

The two of you have a lot of talking to do about your feelings and your future. It would be better if it's done with the help of a trained moderator.

Also, if your wife was sharing needles, you both need to be tested for any diseases she may have contracted.

DEAR ABBY: My parents and my wife's parents both live 20 minutes from us. Both sets of parents purposely moved to be close to us. The problem is both sets of parents tell people the few times we are together how often they see their grandkids -- which is simply not true.

Mom talks as if she sees them multiple times a week, although she generally sees them less than once a month. She does watch my niece three days a week, but to hear her tell it, all her grandkids fall into that category. My wife's parents see me, my wife and our two kids about twice a month, but also tell others it's "all the time." Then, when we do meet, they ignore the kids!

I am bothered about it for two reasons: They are taking undue credit for "helping us out," and second, I'm sick of having heard for the last 12 years how "lucky" my kids are to have such wonderful grandparents. It caused us to miss out on help from extended family because they thought my wife and I were already receiving so much.

Is there a nice way to say to my parents/in-laws that the story they are selling is fiction? We do love them. All we would like is for them to help out the way they claim to. -- SICK OF THE FICTION

DEAR SICK OF THE FICTION: I find it strange that both sets of in-laws would relocate to be close, and then not follow through on trying to BE close. I also don't know why your parents would loudly take credit for the things they haven't been doing. If you want to end the fiction, tell the extended family the truth and explain that you really do need their help and why. You should have done it years ago.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 18 years and have two wonderful kids, ages 14 and 12. Ten months ago, my husband said to me, "I told you I would divorce you if you ever got fat." I was shocked! Yes, I have gained some weight over the years, but at 5 feet 5 inches tall and 150 pounds, I was not exactly obese.

I was frightened by what he said, so I took off 25 pounds. He didn't appear to notice, so I asked him, "Now what do you think?" He said, "You have no muscle tone"!

Abby, nothing I do is good enough. I work part-time and take care of our kids and the house. I go out of my way to cook and bake interesting things for them. Any appreciation? His praise is, "Not bad."

Abby, what should I do? -- BIGGEST LOSER IN NEW YORK

DEAR "LOSER": Before I answer your question, I should point out that the way some abusers maintain control is by withholding approval, love, money, etc.

According to the National Institutes of Health, a woman who is 5 feet 5 inches tall should weigh between 114 and 144 pounds to be considered a normal weight. For your husband to threaten you with divorce if you didn't lose weight was brutal. Nothing you do is good enough because keeping you insecure and always trying to gain his approval is how he maintains the upper hand in your marriage. Losing weight is not easy. You should have been praised for your success.

Since you asked what to do, I'll tell you: Take him at his word. Your husband may have said your muscle tone is flabby, but from where I sit, what's sagging is your self-esteem. Go to the gym. Get into a training program. Improve that muscle tone, and along with it your image of yourself. Then, once you have achieved your goal and feel better about yourself, decide whether you want to remain married to a man who has such poor "muscle tone" between the ears.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 63-year-old widow. I have not been with a man since my husband died 10 years ago. I am now dating a 31- year-old man. I am deeply in love with him. He says he's in love with me, too, but his family says he doesn't know what love is. He was previously in a four-year relationship with someone his own age.

Am I crazy for dating a man who is 31? He's everything I have always wanted, and what I would consider the perfect man for me. He claims his only problem with dating me is that I will probably pass away in 20 years, and he will be alone and devastated. My concern is I feel I am preventing him from future children and a possible wife his own age. He says he doesn't want kids, but I'm not so sure. Please tell me what to do. I have never been in this situation before. -- HELP, PLEASE, IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HELP, PLEASE: As relationships evolve, couples learn more about each other. You didn't mention how long you and this man have been involved with each other, but if it has been less than a year, you would be wise to slow things down. It would be in your interest to know why his family thinks he doesn't know what love is. The answer to that question could be enlightening.

As to your not being certain that he doesn't want to be a father, in spite of the fact that he says he doesn't, not everyone wants children. If you aren't sure that everything he's telling you is the truth, I suggest you wait a few more innings before swinging for a home run.