DEAR ABBY: I am estranged from my sister, whom I love dearly. The reason goes back many years. When I was 13, her husband got me drunk and molested me. While I never forgot, I did repress it -- possibly due to my age.

Time went on, I thought I had moved on and life would continue as usual. Well, five years ago the trauma erupted inside of me. My therapist thinks that possibly what triggered it was becoming a grandmother.

I cannot talk to my sister's husband, let alone look at him. The sight of him makes me physically ill, which is obvious to everyone. Exposing him would devastate my sister, her family and our extended family.

I am praying for guidance and the strength to forgive him, but it's not working, and neither is therapy. I am now regarded as the "bad guy" and left isolated with no one except my amazing husband. My own kids are skeptical and think I am destroying our family. Advice, Abby? -- SO LOST IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR SO LOST: Because keeping quiet and talking to a therapist haven't helped you, I will suggest another route for healing. Call your family together. Tell them exactly what happened when you were 13 and that you can no longer keep quiet about it.

At the same time, contact a rape crisis center because at 13, even if you were drunk and consented to what your brother-in-law did, you were underage and a victim of statutory rape. If your family accuses you of making this up, invite them to some of your counseling sessions with the rape counselor. With the help of that person, you may be able to help them see the light.

DEAR ABBY: I was a professional musician most of my life and loved every second of it. While I still do production work and an occasional performance, I no longer tour or need the money from the shows.

I own several instruments that are my most prized possessions, and have many precious memories associated with them. They are worth several thousand dollars. I cannot think of anyone to leave them to who might appreciate them.

None of my heirs are musical, and I'm estranged from my only child, a son in his early 40s. If he inherited them, he'd sell them and squander the money before the last chorus. The same is true of my only grandchild.

I'm in my early 60s, healthy, active and don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon. But eventually -- when I do -- I want these most important items to go where they will be played well and appreciated. -- QUARTER NOTE QUANDARY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR Q.N.Q.: How about donating your instruments to a program that keeps music alive in schools with underfunded music programs nationwide? An organization to consider is the Mr. Holland's Opus Foundation. It gives economically disadvantaged youth access to the benefits of music education, and helps them to be better students and express their emotions and creativity through playing music. The foundation also has a fund called Music Rising that helps school music programs after natural disasters. The website is mhopus.org. If you check it out, I'm sure you will find it interesting.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago, my husband confessed that he was having an affair at work. Before it started, he tried setting "Velma" up with his twin brother, but she said she wasn't interested. Their affair lasted for months, until the guilt "ate him up." When he told me, I was devastated.

We agreed to get counseling and work on our marriage. Well, it turns out Velma was also seeing his brother while she was with my husband. Oh! And she had a baby, and we're not sure who the father is.

My brother-in-law claims he loves Velma and she loves him. I have been asked if I am willing to sit with her, my husband and brother-in-law to "clear the air." I don't think I can do it. Although I want my brother-in-law to be happy, at the same time, I don't want to ever be near this woman. Please help. -- LOSING MYSELF

DEAR LOSING YOURSELF: Has your brother-in-law married Velma? If not, I see no reason why you should be forced to clear anything with her. If the two of them have tied the knot, then I can see a benefit for you in having a discussion. Of course, that discussion should be in the office of a professional mediator, and you should first make a list of all the questions you would like her to answer.

At the top of the list would be why she was sleeping with your husband and his brother at the same time. Close to that one would be why she thinks you would ever want to have a relationship with her. Take it from there and add questions of your own.

DEAR ABBY: I am a Korean lady whose husband spends a lot of time on Facebook. He says it's to promote his books. (He loves to write.) I think he does it to get recognition from his Facebook "friends."

Well, that may be great for him. But my problem with him -- and Facebook -- is that sometimes he provides too much information about me. None of it is positive.

We had a fight two weeks ago, and the next thing I knew, I was reading about it on Facebook, all from his point of view. Before that, he complained he only got a bowl of cereal for breakfast when he would have liked a hot meal instead. Excuse me, but what's stopping him from making one for himself when I have to drop off the kids at school and go to work?

I feel hurt after reading what he's posting and ashamed for not being a "good enough" spouse. Am I overly sensitive or should I confront him about this? I could use some wise advice. -- EMBARRASSED IN KOREA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: By all means talk to your husband about what he's been doing, because if he has complaints, they should be directed to you rather than his Facebook buddies. If you feel compelled to defend yourself, you can always reply to his posts to set the record straight. If he continues to publicly discuss what should be a private matter, you might be less embarrassed if you read his posts less often or unfriend him altogether.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Karen," loves to sing karaoke along with many others, most of whom are vocally challenged. Listening to some of them can be grueling when we go out. Karen knows many of these "performers," and when they finish, she goes and tells them what a great job they've done. When I asked her why she gives the false compliments, she said, "I don't want to hurt their feelings."

Well, the same goes for Karen. The other singers compliment her to the point that she now believes she has a competition-worthy voice. In reality, while her voice isn't terrible, it's nowhere near what she thinks it is.

My wife is the love of my life and the nicest person I've ever known. I'm concerned for the future if someone should ever be honest with her about this because, so far, no one has been. Should I tell her the truth to save her from potential public embarrassment, or should I keep my mouth shut? -- COVERING MY EARS

DEAR COVERING: Unless your wife decides to audition for "American Idol," the chances of her being booed off stage are slim. You don't have to sing her praises, but I see nothing positive to be gained by diminishing her pleasure in performing. The word from here is: Keep your lip zipped.

DEAR ABBY: I have a wonderful, kind sister-in-law I'll call "Margaret." Our sons were born in the same year. She has chosen to keep her son home, while I am sending mine to day care. Both boys are toddlers now. The problem is, my son is socialized, while hers is not.

Margaret's son is mean and unwilling to share or play with my child. He lacks empathy and seeks only adult attention. Because of his lack of socialization and outright unsafe behavior, I don't want my son around him. Am I wrong for not wanting him to be exposed to this behavior?

My husband says it's good for our little one to learn how to deal with mean behavior, since it will make him "tough." However, I don't feel it's our child's job to learn to be tough at such a young age. -- DAY CARE ACCEPTING MOMMY

DEAR DAY CARE MOMMY: Perhaps your son should see this cousin only when they will be closely supervised. Your child may learn to "toughen up" later, but at the age of 2 or 3, it's a bit premature. The child who may be in for trouble is his cousin, because learning concepts like sharing and empathy enable children to successfully socialize with others throughout their lives.

DEAR ABBY: I know for a fact that gifts I have given to family members are often immediately given away. Should I confront them about this? I'd like to suggest that instead of giving the gift away they please return it to me. Of course, I know I could just quit giving them gifts. But I'd like for them to know the reason, instead of appearing to be stingy. Anxious for your opinion. -- ANXIOUS IN FORT WORTH

DEAR ANXIOUS: This is a delicate situation, but it can be handled if you're careful not to cause embarrassment when you tell your relatives you know what they've been doing with your gifts. Perhaps, rather than say you will just quit giving them gifts, you should offer to give them gift cards for a store they like. That way they can have something they will enjoy.