DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 40 years. Like most people, we've had our good times and bad, but we've both been committed to the marriage, and so we've made it work.

Now I'm faced with a problem for which I see no solution. My husband refuses to learn to use a computer. He knows nothing about computers, not even how to turn one on!

As you know, computers are now key to even the most fundamental tasks. That means, as the only computer user in the house, all tasks are my responsibility. Banking, bill paying, communication with family, friends, lawyers, financial advisers, arrangements for social events, business meetings, medical appointments, travel and other activities are totally up to me. He does none of it! He washes the dishes and takes out the trash, but any function that requires brains and technology are totally left to me.

I'm tired! Is this fair? I've asked many times for him to go to our public library and take lessons on computer use, but he adamantly refuses. How do I handle this? -- IT'S ALL ON ME IN NEW YORK

DEAR ALL ON YOU: After 40 years you are not going to change your husband, so appreciate the things he does do. I know you're tired and it may not seem fair, but grit your teeth and forge ahead.

You have no idea how lucky you really are. Many wives know little or nothing about the family finances. If something unforeseen happens to their husbands, they are left scrambling to learn about realities for which they are not equipped.

P.S. Consider asking your husband what he would do in the case of your sudden death. He, too, would be left completely adrift. It couldn't hurt to warn him.

DEAR ABBY: I am a widow, and I often dine out with my youngest son. Invariably, because I have a 25-year-old man with me and no husband, we are shown to an undesirable table in the restaurant. Usually, I say nothing.

This evening, we were escorted to a room way in the back of a large restaurant (two-thirds full). The only other occupants were a couple with two small children who looked to be about 2 or 3. When I requested a different table, my son was furious. He said what I had done was rude.

We were moved to another table. It was between the hostess station and the kitchen door. I sat there and said nothing. This was an expensive restaurant, and our bill was more than $100. Was I rude? I would appreciate your opinion. -- NEW SEAT IN FLORIDA

DEAR NEW SEAT: Your son was mistaken. To ask to be seated at a table in a different part of the restaurant was not rude; it was your prerogative. If you preferred a location in the front of the place rather than near the kitchen or a family with small children, you should have repeated your request. And if the host or hostess had a problem with it, you should have left and enjoyed dinner at a restaurant more accommodating than that one.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: The eight days of Hanukkah begin at sundown. Happy Hanukkah, everyone! May we all enjoy a joyous festival of lights.

DEAR ABBY: My only sister has been "borrowing" money from me every month for years. She has a ton of credit card debt and cannot afford to meet her monthly financial obligations.

Last year my husband and I paid her property taxes for her so she wouldn't lose her house. It was over $5,000. She promised to pay us back with her tax return money, but we never saw a dime.

I have given her information on debt consolidation programs and offered to pay for her to file bankruptcy, but she has done nothing to improve her financial situation.

She works and makes OK money. Her husband is disabled, but gets Social Security and a small pension. She also supports her adult child, who doesn't work, and she smokes like a chimney.

I have told her many times that I can't keep giving her money, but she still asks every month. This is causing a strain in my marriage. I don't know what else to do. Any words of advice would be appreciated. -- TIRED OF BEING ASKED FOR MONEY

DEAR TIRED: You are a caring sister, but what you have done out of love and charity has allowed your sister to continue living beyond her means. The next time she asks for money, remind her that you have already given her information about debt consolidation, and that you will no longer continue pouring your and your husband's hard-earned money down a bottomless pit. Then stick to your guns.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I, 21 years happily married, have a recurring problem. It rarely happens, but when it does, it causes an argument.

A recent example: Late the other evening, my husband, adult daughter and I were returning home from a hockey game in separate cars due to our work schedules before the game. There are several routes to get home from where we were. I followed my daughter, while my husband took a different route to get home faster.

I think it would have been a chivalrous and fatherly thing for him to follow us and make sure we made it home safely. I got angry that he didn't do it, and it turned into a huge argument. My grown daughters and I are fiercely feminist and independent, but I still think it would have been the caring thing to do. My own father would, even after I was 40, and he still does it to this day.

It didn't bother my daughter, but it bothered me. What are your thoughts, Abby? If you think it's not an issue, I will let it go from now on. -- TO FOLLOW OR NOT TO FOLLOW

DEAR TO FOLLOW: Your father comes from a generation in which men were taught it was their duty to protect the females in their family. Your spouse is the husband of a fiercely feminist wife and the father of a daughter cut from the same cloth. Independent women do not need to be followed home unless they request it because they assume they can handle whatever happens themselves -- particularly if they are traveling in twos. You can't have it both ways.

You say you have a happy marriage. Please give your husband a break.

DEAR ABBY: I joined the Navy after I learned I was becoming a father. I didn't want to be a husband or father, but I did both. In 2010, my wife died. My feelings about being a husband and father never changed.

Our two children are now grown and want me to move near -- or in with -- them. They say, "Won't it be great to be with your grandkids?" No, it won't!

I worked and supported my family. When I was in port, I went to baseball, softball and basketball games, had tea with my daughter and did everything I believe I should have done. I have served my time. I don't want to "be close." Honestly, I'd prefer they left me alone. I don't love them, and I didn't love their mother. I did my duty to the best of my abilities both in uniform and in family.

When we aren't together, I'm happy. I read, I study and do what I like. I've earned that, haven't I? How do I get them out of my life so that at age 52 I have my own life? I don't want to hurt anyone, but I never wanted a family in the first place. -- NEVER WANTED A FAMILY

DEAR NEVER WANTED A FAMILY: The one thing you should not do is express your feelings to your children as bluntly as you have to me. Because you don't want to hurt them, a way to phrase it might be to say that having done your job as a parent to the best of your ability, you need time to yourself now -- time to read, study, travel, reflect, etc. Be sure to make clear that it has nothing to do with them -- that you are proud of them and the way they are handling their lives -- so they won't think they are somehow to blame.

DEAR ABBY: After reading your "timely" reminder about changing the batteries on smoke alarms and detectors when turning clocks back to standard time, something occurred to my wife and me. We have never seen another aspect of fire protection in our homes mentioned -- fire extinguishers.

Many homeowners have these devices, but may not realize extinguishers don't last forever and should be checked and periodically replaced. Almost all home fire extinguishers are non-rechargeable. Consequently, they come with the recommendation that they be replaced every 12 years.

Neither my wife nor I have any connection with the fire safety industry or profession. We are worried that in case of a fire in the home, many people may waste precious time trying to extinguish it only to find out the extinguisher they're using no longer works or is ineffective.

The way to check is to look at the gauge most extinguishers have. If the needle is in the green area, the extinguisher may still be usable. (If the extinguisher is more than 12 years old, that may not be the case.) If there is no date on the extinguisher and the date of purchase is unknown, the expiration date can be determined by calling the manufacturer or going online to the manufacturer's website.

Could you pass this information on to your readers? It may save lives. Thank you. -- PATRICK IN NEVADA

DEAR PATRICK: Actually, Patrick, I should thank you for pointing this out. I'm glad you wrote because your letter may help many readers.