life

Opposing Parenting Styles Are Cause of Family Fracture

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 25th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My husband's sister "Cassie" and I got along well until we had kids. Our children are months apart in age, and parenting has brought out the differences in our beliefs in a way that has made it hard for us to get along.

I'm a proponent of Western medicine. My kids are vaccinated. We take them to the doctor, give them antibiotics when their doctor prescribes them and emphasize a balanced diet.

Cassie is a proponent of alternative medicine. She doesn't vaccinate her kids, keeps a vegan house and uses homeopathic remedies and meditation to combat illness. This difference has resulted in heated arguments about what's best for kids, and we have not been able to "agree to disagree."

Recently she sent me a large, and probably expensive, set of herbal remedies as a "gift." If it were from someone else, I'd thank her and give the set to someone who would use it. But in light of our ongoing "debates," this feels like a passive-aggressive dig at my values. It would be like me sending her a grass-fed steak and a wheel of Brie. How should I respond? -- DIFFERENT MEDICAL BELIEFS

DEAR D.M.B.: Don't overreact. Write Cassie a sweet note thanking her for her "thoughtfulness" and give the unwanted gift to someone who might use it or toss it. Do not let this degenerate into another argument. And let's hope that her children continue to enjoy good health.

Health & SafetyFamily & Parenting
life

Kiddie Shows and Stuffed Animals Are Teen's Guilty Pleasures

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 25th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am mature for being 16. However, I have a few quirks that I prefer not to tell anyone about because when I do, most of the feedback I get is negative.

First, I don't like watching PG-13 movies, so my favorite TV shows and movies are for kids. My mom and sister keep telling me how dumb and stupid it is and that they're surprised I don't watch things "more my age." I don't call their shows stupid. I hate telling people my favorite TV shows because of the kind of reaction I get from the people close to me.

Second, I love stuffed animals. Last time I counted, I had around 60. All of them have value to me and make me happy. Is there something wrong with having that many? One of my sister's famous quotes is, "How come you have them if you don't use them?" Occasionally she has tried to take stuff from me because of her "philosophy."

Is there something wrong with me? Or should I ignore the nasty comments? -- KID AT HEART IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR KID AT HEART: There is no accounting for taste. Many adults still read the funnies. I know this for certain because I am one of them.

We all have our quirks, and that includes your mother and your sister. Yours harm no one, and if they bring you pleasure, I see no reason not to indulge yourself. Your mom and sister may be teasing you, so stop rising to the bait.

P.S. Your sister may think your stuffed animal collection is juvenile, but she shouldn't be taking them without your permission because that's stealing, and stealing is a serious problem.

Family & ParentingTeens
life

Landlord Questions Tenant's Claim That He Sleepwalks

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 24th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a man who owns a large four-bedroom home, and I have two tenants. One pays the rent on time, helps with cleaning and yard work, and is an all-around great roommate. The other has been here for four months, has never paid his rent on time and always disappears when we must clear off the driveway or do yard work.

The major problem I have with this guy is he sleepwalks -- at least he claims he does. He opens doors at night. Some mornings I have found the front door or garage door wide open.

Additionally, he raids the refrigerator late at night. He claims he doesn't realize he's doing it. It's really annoying to find food I prepared the night before to take to work has been eaten.

I have spoken to him about it on numerous occasions, and he claims that he can't control his sleepwalking. I feel he should have told me about his issues prior to signing the lease. None of the references he gave mentioned his sleepwalking.

Is it considered a disability? Would I be discriminating against a disability if I chose to not renew his lease because of his sleepwalking? -- LANDLORD IN WISCONSIN

DEAR LANDLORD: Because doors are being left open, it might be in your interest to install inexpensive security cameras. Sleepwalking (and sleep eating) can be symptoms of a sleep disorder, or possibly be caused by certain sleep medications. If your tenant is unaware of this, he should be informed and advised to be evaluated at a sleep disorder clinic.

Because he doesn't pay rent on time or do other things expected of him, you may not be obligated to renew his lease. My advice is to talk to a lawyer about how -- and whether -- you can get rid of this tenant.

MoneyHealth & SafetyWork & School
life

Mom Puts a Halt to Grandma's Overindulgence

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 24th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My ex-mother-in-law, "Blanche," takes my 14-year-old daughter, "Grace," shopping often. I was grateful at first, but now she buys her anything she wants.

Grace has a high school dance soon, and I was looking forward to shopping with her. But before I could go, Blanche took her and bought her a $299 dress. I wasn't consulted because Grace knew I would've said no. She's a freshman and that's just way too much money to spend.

I asked them to take the dress back, and Blanche said OK. A week later I called her to explain why I said no, but instead of listening, she told me it was her Christmas and birthday present for Grace, and she wasn't taking it back.

My daughter never spends that kind of money. Grace said she was keeping the dress, and I told her she was not wearing it. How do I explain this to my daughter who has become self-entitled because of her grandmother? -- ANYTHING SHE WANTS

DEAR ANYTHING: You have already explained it to your daughter. You told her it was too much money to spend. The problem isn't just Grace, it's also your ex-mother-in-law. You are Grace's mother, and your wishes should have been respected. I don't blame you for being angry.

TeensWork & SchoolMoneyFamily & Parenting
life

Sister Is Appalled by What Brother Asks Mom to Do

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 23rd, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My brother and his wife recently had their second child through induced labor. On the delivery day, my mother asked what she could do to help. My brother asked her to go to his home, which is an hour away, sweep and vacuum the house, change the sheets and do the laundry because they didn't have time.

I feel it was extremely inappropriate. Picking up diapers and making sure the bassinet has clean sheets are acceptable requests; cleaning the house is not. My mother wasn't bothered by it, but I am appalled. Am I wrong? -- STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR STUCK: You are entitled to your feelings. However, because your mother wasn't bothered by your brother's request, my advice is to stay out of it because it was none of your business. Please don't stir the pot more than you already may have because the person who will suffer for it is you.

Family & Parenting
life

One Good Deed

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 23rd, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a mom who raised three kids and now I help with the grandchildren. I had dogs all my life until my last one died of old age. I was enjoying life with no responsibilities and could walk out of my house without worry.

My friend, who lives in an apartment, asked me to keep her cat, "Fluffy," while she was on vacation. I gladly helped her out and carefully took care of her cat. Now Fluffy loves being at my house and acts mean when she goes back to the apartment. The only answer was to keep Fluffy, but I don't want a cat!

How do I get rid of a cat who loves being at my house? I'm miserable because I miss my carefree life after many years of caring for others. -- PET-FREE IN ALABAMA

DEAR PET-FREE: You have done enough. If you can, figure out why Fluffy is happy with you so you can share that information with her owner as you return her. You deserve the carefree life you have earned.

Friends & Neighbors
life

Dad Thinks Ahead to Make School Field Trips Safe

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 23rd, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My son volunteers as a chaperone for his daughters' elementary school field trips. Each parent volunteer is assigned five or six children.

Before they board the bus, my son gathers his group and tells them they are going to take a memory picture. He does it because if a child is ever lost, he wants a photo to immediately show any responding police officers. His exact words to me were, "Mom, in an emergency, I might not remember what a child was wearing, what her backpack looked like or how tall she is."

He never tells the children the real reason for taking the picture. Afterward, he just emails it to any child who wants a souvenir of the trip. -- PROUD OF MY SON

DEAR PROUD: Congratulations for having raised a smart son. My readers will let us know if his idea is original, but it's a good one, which is why I'm printing your letter. For anyone supervising a group of children, this could be a helpful suggestion.

Work & SchoolHealth & SafetyFamily & Parenting

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