DEAR ABBY: I am at that age when most of my friends and colleagues are having children. I suffered a miscarriage (my first pregnancy) a few months ago, and I have been feeling depressed and helpless about the situation.

We are seeing a fertility specialist, so I am positive about our chances. However, when my husband and I are invited to attend functions with friends, I have been declining because one of his friends recently announced her pregnancy. I have become extremely withdrawn, jealous and anti-social. Is it normal for me to feel this way? I would love to be sociable and happy, but it's hard. -- BABY JEALOUS IN MARYLAND

DEAR BABY JEALOUS: It's normal to feel some jealousy when those around you seem to experience something easily that you are struggling with. However, to isolate yourself because of it is self-defeating.

It could help you to talk this through with a licensed therapist. You are not alone in having these feelings, and the therapist can give you tools to help you cope. Ask your fertility specialist for a referral. I'm sure you won't be the first patient to do that, and it might bring you comfort.

DEAR ABBY: My issue is related to celebrations with my in-laws. They are both retired.

At holiday time, we suggest that we pick up something to eat on the way, but they always tell us they already have stuff ready to cook. The problem is, we have gotten food poisoning in their home twice because of undercooked chicken. We have a 16-month-old son, and my in-laws are offended because we won't let him eat from their table and always bring his own food.

After the first bout, my husband asked them if they had a food thermometer. They said they did not, so we bought one for them. The second time -- on Easter -- was horrible.

My husband doesn't want to say anything to them because they are good to us and generous to our son. But I can't see myself ever eating at their house again. Help, please. What do we say to them? -- GRATEFUL, BUT ...

DEAR G.B.: What you say is that you and their son have gotten food poisoning twice at their house because of undercooked chicken. Twice is enough. From now on, invite them to your home for holiday dinners.

DEAR ABBY: I've been married for more than 50 years to a man I love with my whole being. But for years I've heard people say about their spouse, "I love him dearly, but I am not in love with him."

Would you please explain what this means? What's the difference? -- JUST GOTTA ASK IN ARIZONA

DEAR JUST GOTTA: I think the phrase means different things to different people. To some it indicates that the excitement, those "fires of passion," may have cooled to a simmer and been slowly replaced by a calmer and deeper kind of affection. To others it may mean they weren't deeply in love in the first place.

DEAR ABBY: I dearly love my husband. We've been married 33 years. We have raised three productive citizens, have five beautiful grandchildren and live in the heartland of America.

Like most couples, we've had our ups and downs. My problem is my husband is a slob. He always has been, but it's getting worse.

He works. I stayed home and raised our kids and made the house a home. He brings home the bacon, does the yard work, takes out the trash and fixes things (on his own terms). I pay the bills, clean the house, cook dinner, and do anything else that needs doing (schedule doctor's appointments, etc.).

He thinks that because he doesn't beat me, we have a good marriage. I have a serious issue with his messiness. I am just about ready to chuck him to the door.

I've tried talking to him about it, but we always end up arguing. He says I treat him like a child (well ... truth be told, he's acting like one). I have explained to him why I need him to pick up after himself, but he takes it as a personal affront and storms off. I'm at my wits' end. What can I do to fix this? -- TIDY SPOUSE IN OHIO

DEAR TIDY: To be honest, I'm not sure that at this point you can "fix this." You and your husband have had an unwritten contract for 33 years, in which his job was to bring home the bacon, do yard work, take out the trash and fix things when he gets around to it. Yours was to perform the duties of a traditional housewife by doing all the things you described.

Your husband's sloppiness may be the legacy of a mother who never taught him to keep his room clean, and your own failure to put your foot down during the first years of your marriage. Of course, you could always stop picking up after him. But if you do, I'm afraid the mess will reach proportions you -- not he -- will be unable to tolerate.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 50-year-old woman who has just learned that my first boyfriend, "John," was killed in a freak shooting accident shortly after he graduated from our high school more than 30 years ago. He was 18 and I was 16 when we dated. After graduation he moved away to attend college. John was killed when his friend dropped a rifle that discharged.

I have just learned that John's parents are alive and still live in the same home. Should I send some kind of sympathy card to them now? I truly cared for John and thought he had lost interest in me when I didn't hear from him any longer.

My mother says I shouldn't remind his parents of his death, but I think they'd like to know how fondly I remember him. What should I do? -- NEVER KNEW IN GEORGIA

DEAR NEVER KNEW: Write John's parents a short note telling them exactly what you told me. Do not worry about reminding them about their son's death. They are aware of it every single day, and I am sure that knowing you took the time to write will touch their hearts.

DEAR ABBY: I am a bridesmaid for my brother's upcoming wedding. However, his fiancee is throwing out some crazy mandates for the big day.

1. All family members must wear contact lenses. Glasses will not be allowed because they look ugly in pictures. (Both her mom and my parents wear glasses.)

2. She made my father get dental work to "improve his smile."

3. I recently tore my ACL, and she says I can't bring crutches to the ceremony because she doesn't want them in the pictures.

How much more of this should our family put up with? I love her as my niece's mother, but not as my future sister-in-law. Would it be better to tell them I won't be a bridesmaid? I am afraid to speak up because I want a relationship with my niece. -- AFRAID OF BRIDEZILLA

DEAR AFRAID: Your brother's fiancee appears to have gone off the deep end. Weddings are supposed to be about love, commitment and the joining together of two families, not the photo album.

While I sympathize with her desire for a "perfect" wedding, the idea that your parents and her mother must invest in contact lenses or miss seeing the ceremony and reception because glasses aren't "allowed" is ludicrous. And the suggestion that you leave your crutches and risk further damaging your ACL is off the charts.

Talk to your brother. Perhaps he can make his ladylove see the light. If not, I wouldn't blame you -- and your parents and her mother, by the way -- if you decided to skip the "show."

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Jason," and I have a 19-year-old daughter, "Laurie," who finished her freshman year of college with a 4.0 GPA. She has always been a great student and is interested in theater, music and dance. She has never given us any trouble.

My husband is very conservative and opinionated about politics. Our daughter has become much more politically liberal over the last couple of years. Jason thinks it is disrespectful of her to not want to listen to him try to influence her to think like he does (he has tried before). I have told Jason she needs to work out her own political beliefs and, as she matures and sees how the business world works, she'll probably become more moderate.

Jason is now insisting that we set a time when "the three of us can talk," which means he will lecture her about where she is wrong. What can I do as a mother and wife to mediate this meeting? I think both of them are pretty dug in. -- LOVE THEM BOTH IN ARKANSAS

DEAR LOVE: I see no way that what your husband has in mind will be either pleasant or productive. However, because he is her father, Laurie owes him the respect of hearing him out. When the conversation becomes heated -- as it very well may -- suggest a timeout until they both cool down. Or leave the room if it becomes too stressful for you.