life

Millionaire Boyfriend Proves Stingy With Airline Rewards

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 3rd, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am in a long-distance relationship with a man who lives halfway across the country. Because he's very wealthy, he arranges for all the airfare. I am a single mother and I have limited finances.

"Bruce" owns a successful business and, through his business, racks up millions of credit card points. He never pays out of pocket for any vacation expenses -- hotels, car, airfare, cruises, etc.

Because I have been flying so often to see him, I have been bumped several times from my flights and received travel credits on the airlines, which I was excited to get because now I have the ability to fly with my children somewhere.

The problem is, Bruce insists I use the vouchers only to see him since they were obtained on his points. I argued that they were my vouchers for giving up my seats. He says, yes, the seats he "bought."

Getting airfare is absolutely no skin off his nose -- he has millions of dollars and millions of points! Am I out of line here? -- BUMPED IN KANSAS

DEAR BUMPED: I don't think so. However, you are getting an insight into Bruce -- who appears to be unwilling to subsidize any travel that includes your children. If you haven't already noticed, that should be a big red flag if you're considering a future with this millionaire.

MoneyLove & Dating
life

Friend Who Opts Out of Business Venture May Have Opted Out of Friendship Too

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 3rd, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My three best friends over the last four years recently decided to start a business together. They said I was more than welcome to join them, but financially I wasn't able to swing it. I work part-time, so I have been helping them when I can.

When we get together for dinner once a month, most of their conversation focuses on their business. But recently they discussed a shopping trip they took together. They went on a day I could have gone, but I was not invited. Should I take this -- and other similar incidents -- as a hint that our friendship has run its course? -- FEELING LEFT OUT

DEAR FEELING LEFT OUT: Talking about the shopping trip in front of you was insensitive. However, you may not have been invited because your friends were afraid you might be embarrassed it you could not participate in the shopping. You mentioned that their business arrangement is recent. They may be discussing business because that's what is on their minds.

Don't write them off or withdraw just yet. You can always do that. Wait to see how things play out.

MoneyFriends & Neighbors
life

Target of Woman's Affection Looks for Escape

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 3rd, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Help! I'm a 67-year-old man being relentlessly chased by a 68-year-old woman. I have told her I want to date other women and will be moving out of the country at the end of the year. Despite this, she is constantly trying to maneuver me into an exclusive relationship, probably ending in living together. I don't want to hurt her, but I'm at a loss as to how to get her to back off. -- HAPPILY UNCOMMITTED

DEAR UNCOMMITTED: Here's how. Tell her you can't handle the pressure she's putting on you and end the relationship now.

Love & Dating
life

Young Cyberbullying Victim Admits to Cutting Herself

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 2nd, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter "Ruby" has been cyberbullied. I suspect a friend of hers who is her on-again, off-again friend. When the girl is "off," she is cruel, but Ruby is very attached to her.

Ruby has told her dad and me she's so depressed and has such low self-esteem from it and that she has started cutting herself. (I think she has just started because she has no marks I could find). Her father is not very concerned, but I am. What's the next step for me in doing something about this before it has escalated to a level beyond my help? -- CONCERNED GRANDMA IN ALASKA

DEAR GRANDMA: Continue to affirm your granddaughter, but for now her online presence and social media should be eliminated. Consider putting Ruby into activities that will expose her to different people. A self-defense course might build her confidence and self-esteem, as well as give her the opportunity to make new friends.

However, if she remains depressed to the point of self-injury, your granddaughter may need professional counseling to help her overcome it.

Mental HealthFriends & NeighborsFamily & Parenting
life

Jealous Dad Spoils Plans for Mother-Daughter Girls' Trip

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 2nd, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am 32, married, with two young sons. Since starting my own family, I have grown closer with my mom as a source of support and guidance. The problem is, my dad seems to be jealous of the relationship I have with her -- probably because I was a daddy's girl growing up.

Mom and I were planning a girls' trip together, just the two of us, and Dad said my mom couldn't go because he was feeling left out. This was after he invited himself along on another attempt at a girls' trip.

How can I have a close relationship with my mom without hurting my dad? Should I confront him? -- FORMER DADDY'S GIRL IN GEORGIA

DEAR FORMER DADDY'S GIRL: No, your mother should confront him. That you need bonding time with your mother is not a rejection of your father. That you were "Daddy's girl" implies that he was the favored parent for decades. He doesn't own you -- or her.

Women need each other, and what your mother has to offer you at this stage of your life is important. I hope the two of you won't allow your father's insecurity and apparently controlling nature to interfere.

Family & Parenting
life

Group Offers Eye Exams for Seniors in Need

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 2nd, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR READERS: Medical eye exams can catch early signs of disease before vision is lost. In addition, many diseases -- from high blood pressure and diabetes to some cancers -- can be diagnosed early through a medical eye exam.

For seniors who haven't had an exam in three or more years, the American Academy of Ophthalmology's EyeCare America program may be able to help. Since 1985, EyeCare America has helped almost 2 million people. More than 90 percent of the eye care provided by nearly 6,000 volunteer ophthalmologists is at no out-of-pocket cost to the patient.

This service is offered year-round. To find out if you or your loved ones qualify for this program, visit eyecareamerica.org.

Health & Safety
life

Older Couple Mourns Loss of Friends and Connections

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 1st, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am 74, and my wife is 71. We are lonely. All of our friends have died, and we have no relatives in this state. We both have health issues that keep us mostly housebound. That leaves out volunteering and sports, and the high cost of gas is a factor.

We live in our own home and want to continue living here. Our home is in a development consisting of busy families involved in their own lives, or too young to bother with a couple of older people. We tried church, only to find that everyone there is as involved in their own lives as our neighbors are.

I fear the thought of one of us dying and leaving the other to possibly die alone in our house, not to be missed or discovered until much later. How can we have friends like we used to have, and not shallow acquaintances? -- FRIGHTENED OF THE FUTURE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR FRIGHTENED: If there are senior citizen centers in your community, I recommend you contact them. That way you can meet new people and form relationships with contemporaries. Also, these centers usually have geriatric specialists or social workers on staff with whom you can discuss your concerns.

That said, it's important to remember that the kind of friendships you and your wife used to have take time to develop -- they don't happen overnight. Another thought: You say most of your neighbors are busy with their children. Perhaps you could reach out and offer to baby-sit for some of them in your home, if the parents would like a night off. I'll bet some of them will take you up on it.

Health & SafetyDeathFriends & Neighbors
life

Woman Demanding Refund Takes the Cake

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 1st, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I was recently in the bakery section of our neighborhood grocery store. A woman came rushing in carrying a cake that had been at least three-fourths eaten and made a scene, saying the cake was terrible and demanding that she be given a new one. To stop the scene, the store manager gave her a new one, even though she had managed to eat most of the "terrible" cake.

The next night, my husband and I went to dinner at a nice steak house. The couple sitting next to us ate almost their entire dinner before complaining to the manager that the steaks were awful and demanding their meals for free.

Has this become acceptable? If something is wrong with the food, shouldn't management be told after the first bite? It looks to me like these people are looking for a free ride. -- OFFENDED IN KANSAS

DEAR OFFENDED: It certainly appears that way. The most effective way to demonstrate that an item of food is inedible is to not eat it. In situations like this, the restaurant manager will sometimes offer as an accommodation a free dessert rather than write off the entire meal. As to what happened at the grocery, if the complainer was a good customer, then what the manager did was a wise public relations gesture.

MoneyEtiquette & Ethics

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