life

In-Laws Could Pose a Threat to Couple's Reconciliation

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 16th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 15 years and love my wife very much, but we drifted apart. Then I went and did something really stupid and had an affair. It lasted only a few weeks, and I regret it. My now-ex-wife and I are still working on our relationship. Yes, it was the wrong thing to do, but because of the affair, we have grown closer than we have ever been.

My problem is her parents. She's worried how they will react. They dislike me intensely now and would run me over with their car if they got the chance. They have also trash-talked me to our children. (My parents have never said anything bad about her and never would.)

It has been a year, and her parents don't know we are working on staying together. They keep trying to set her up on dates. I feel like I'm a secret. Help! -- WORKING IT OUT IN IOWA

DEAR WORKING IT OUT: I'm sorry you didn't explain more about how you and your ex are trying to work things out. From where I sit, her parents are not the problem. The problem is her reluctance to talk to them like the adult she is and tell them your -- and her -- intention to reconcile. It's natural that they are angry with you for cheating on their daughter and are trying to introduce her to eligible men now she's divorced. The two of you should enlist the help of a licensed marriage and family counselor, not only to help you reconcile, but also to repair the breach with her family.

Marriage & DivorceFamily & Parenting
life

Slow Start in Life Leads to Feelings of Jealousy

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 16th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am 26 and have been struggling with jealousy and envy for the past few years. My friends and family members my age are moving forward with their lives. I'm having trouble landing a full-time job, so I still live at home with my parents. I feel like I'm still in high school, where I must answer questions about where I'm going and whom I'm going out with.

I love my parents and I'm thankful for them, but at times I feel that because I'm living under their roof, I am no longer growing as a person. I tell my friends and family my issues when they ask me what's wrong, and they always respond that I do have a purpose in life and that God has a path for me. Can you help me find new ways to cope? -- HOW DO I COPE?

DEAR HOW: One way to cope would be to start asking friends and family members why they think you are having such a hard time finding full-time employment. They may be able to offer some helpful suggestions.

Another would be to contact employment agencies and ask what may be missing from your resume and whether they can help you. (It may be time to start looking into fields other than the ones in which you have been working.)

I agree that at 26, it may be time to establish some independence by either finding a roommate to share expenses or renting a room in a home other than your parents'.

Family & ParentingWork & School
life

Hands-on Approach to Other Women Disturbs Man's Wife

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 15th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband cannot be around a female without putting his hands on her shoulder or back. He "has" to touch. I'm not jealous, but embarrassed when I see women cringe and the expression on their faces sometimes. I keep hoping one of them will confront him about it. It's getting worse the older he gets, especially with younger women.

Do not suggest talking to him. He is never wrong and becomes livid when confronted. He reads your column, so please, Abby, give me some advice. -- TIRED OF BEING EMBARRASSED

DEAR TIRED: I assume your husband does this only with unaccompanied young females, because if he did it with women who had an escort, their date or their husband would straighten him out. Because you can see the women are uncomfortable, talk privately with them and suggest they speak up and tell him not to do it again.

Marriage & DivorceEtiquette & Ethics
life

Son Sides With Belligerent New Wife in Family Blowups

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 15th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My divorced son remarried a short time ago. His new wife seems to have no boundaries and no filters. If anything comes up that displeases her, she becomes verbally aggressive and in your face. (She has been fired numerous times because of it.) I have been on the receiving end several times, publicly. My son looks the other way, and if pressed, he supports her.

How can I maintain a relationship with my son, whom I love, and not expose myself to this woman's abuse? (He no longer receives invitations to the family dinners his sister hosts, and my son's adult children actively avoid her.) -- BATTERED MOTHER-IN-LAW

DEAR BATTERED: You do not have to tolerate being verbally abused. Because your son's wife "has no filters," try to see him separately -- perhaps for lunch dates -- if possible. If he is so much under her control that he refuses, you may have to accept that she has managed to isolate him from family.

Tell him you love him, and your heart and your home are always open to him. Then point out that you are not the only family member who feels this way, but for the sake of your mental health, you can no longer tolerate her abuse.

Family & ParentingAbuse
life

Age Is a Touchy Subject

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 15th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: During a recent cross-country tour of Italy, I was asked my age by five different people in the group. My being polite -- and evasive -- didn't deter them. Please inform your readers that some people find it offensive to be asked that question. -- AGELESS IN ARKANSAS

DEAR AGELESS: I agree that not everyone wants to discuss their age. Perhaps the questioners didn't realize they were being rude. However, if you indicated that you didn't want to answer and your fellow travelers persisted, you would have had every right to end the conversation by saying, "I don't discuss my age. Period!"

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Pressure From Boyfriend Spurs Teen to Question Relationship

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 14th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl in a somewhat happy relationship. When I first started dating my boyfriend, he was all about it, as was I. But now it seems like he's only interested in sex. He's always asking me to send him videos and pictures of myself nude, and I just keep telling him I'm not ready for anything like that. I also don't think he is understanding my comfort zone about the topic of us having sex.

I have told my friends. They say I'm in an unhealthy relationship because he might pressure me into something I don't want to do. So now, I'm debating whether or not to break up with him. Do you think I should stay with him or break up with him? -- TEEN IN EDMONTON, CANADA

DEAR TEEN: Your friends are right. This romance doesn't appear to be headed anywhere healthy.

Naked pictures are considered pornographic and could get you and that young man in serious trouble. Surely you are aware that once something gets on the internet, it's in the public domain forever. Once you have sent your boyfriend the pictures, they could wind up passed around and viewed by everyone at your school.

Your resolve not to have sex may be rock solid, but even granite can eventually be eroded by a constant drip of water. Don't think for one moment he doesn't understand how you feel about not having sex with him. If he cared about your comfort zone, he would stop bringing the subject up and trying to wear you down. Because he persists, you should break up with him.

TeensLove & DatingSex & Gender
life

Dad Is Slow to Repay Money 'Borrowed' From Son's Piggy Bank

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 14th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for eight years and have a wonderful, kindhearted 13-year-old son. My ex-husband and I barely communicate because he was very hurtful and controlling. He was supposed to pay some form of child support, but has never given me a dime. He refuses because of my income, and he hides his money in his business.

I have come to accept his selfishness, but a month ago he "borrowed" $130 from my son's piggy bank -- hard-earned money his relatives gave him for doing chores, getting good grades and birthday gifts. My son has asked his father to return the money, but it has been more than a month and his dad keeps making excuses.

My son is devastated that his dad took his money. It didn't surprise me because my ex always felt entitled to other people's things. What advice can I give my son on how to get his money back, or is it gone forever? -- PIGGY BANK ROBBERY

DEAR ROBBERY: That your ex would steal money from his son and stonewall about returning it is shameful. Tell your son you are sorry his father let him down, and that the money likely won't be returned.

Then advise him that because the piggy bank wasn't secure, it's time the two of you opened a bank account for him and that the signatories will be you and him. This will prevent a repeat of what happened. If it's an interest-bearing account, it will earn money while it's there instead of sitting idle with "Miss Piggy."

MoneyTeensMarriage & DivorceFamily & Parenting

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