DEAR ABBY: My ex is a recovering drug addict. We have a 2-year-old son together. I realized he was using drugs when I was seven months pregnant and all our money was gone.

I stayed with him for a year after I learned about his addiction. That year was the hardest year of my life. Choosing to leave was extremely painful, and I still cry about it every day.

My ex was never the type of addict who nodded off, cheated or had other issues; if it hadn't been for the money disappearing, we would have had a perfect relationship. He finally went to rehab and seems to be doing well. He still goes to work at a great job, pays child support now and is involved with our son, who adores him. He wants us to get back together.

It has been more than a year since we separated -- and I hate to admit this, but I'm the happiest I have ever been. Abby, I feel guilty about it. Even though I love him, he broke me as a person with his lies, and I don't think I can ever trust him. I love my life with my son, and the thought of us living as a family in one house again makes me sick. I feel ashamed for not wanting to try, and these feelings are crippling.

I told him I want him to move on, but he says he will always love me and will never give up. Do I owe it to him -- and our child -- to try and work it out? -- HAPPIER WITHOUT HIM

DEAR HAPPIER: No, you do not. You are in charge of your life now, and if that gives you peace of mind and makes you happy, then you are under no moral or ethical obligation to change it.

Please remember that you are not responsible for your ex's happiness. You may always love each other, but that doesn't obligate you. If he wants to "never give up," that is his choice. If you want to move on with your life, that is your choice and your privilege.

DEAR ABBY: Can you settle a dispute between my husband and me? Sometimes, I take it upon myself to hand-wash my car because I enjoy seeing my hard work reflected in my shiny car. When I do, it sparks an argument.

His view is that since he's the man, he should be responsible for washing the car. He says there are certain things "women just don't do." I think I'm perfectly capable of washing my car. Should I give up and let him take care of washing my car, or should I stand my ground? -- JUST AS CAPABLE

DEAR CAPABLE: If you want to wash your car occasionally, it should not be grounds for an argument. Many women do, and it's not an issue. However, because your husband seems to find it emasculating, let me suggest that rather than argue about it you allow him to spoil you by doing it for you from time to time. And when he does, if you feel compelled to polish something, let it be your nails while he's out there sweating in the driveway.

DEAR ABBY: I moved to the Philippines five years ago. While I was there I met "Emma." After a few months, I realized I was in love with her, and last year we became engaged. I took her to meet my family. They loved her and supported our engagement.

I'm now living in the States and she's still in the Philippines waiting for her visa. Emma is transgender and I don't know how to tell my family. I love her and know I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but my dad is homophobic, and I know he won't support my decision to marry a transgender woman. My mother will also be disappointed because we won't be able to have children together. I need your advice. What should I do? -- FORBIDDEN LOVE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR FORBIDDEN LOVE: You say that when you introduced Emma to your family they liked and accepted her. Because you did not tell them then that your fiancee was transgender, expect them to be surprised. That news will bring your father face to face with his homophobia. As to your mother, even if Emma were not transgender, there's no guarantee that Emma would be able to bear children. In cases of infertility, couples sometimes decide to adopt or employ the help of a surrogate and an egg donor.

As a mature adult, the decision about whom you marry should be yours. Your parents' disapproval should have nothing to do with it. If and when you do give them the news, be prepared for a negative reaction. However, I see no reason why you feel you must tell them since they didn't question her gender before.

DEAR ABBY: A longtime friend of mine, "Mia," married a little over a year ago and moved a few hours away. They have been having trouble in their marriage, but have been trying hard to make it work. Mia is now pregnant, and her baby is due next month.

Over the past few months her husband has been messaging me on Facebook. He hasn't said anything overtly sexual, but it is clearly flirtatious. I don't know him well, so I either don't respond or give one-word answers.

I feel what he's doing is inappropriate, but I'm unsure how to proceed. He's extremely sensitive and reactive to rejection. I'm afraid if I confront him, I will no longer be welcome in their home. I'm also worried that if I tell Mia, she'll be devastated and our friendship will be ruined. Any advice would be appreciated. -- ANONYMOUS READER

DEAR ANONYMOUS: If you deal with this directly, your friend's husband will likely deny it and become defensive and punitive. Unless his flirtation becomes overtly sexual, continue to ignore it. Do not respond immediately to his messages. If he asks you why, say you are busy. If you feel you must comment, keep it casual, remote and brief. And always ask him to relay regards to his wife. It may remind him that he's married.

DEAR ABBY: Under what circumstances do you ask your adult offspring (still living at home, working, doing their own laundry, somewhat feeding themselves) to contribute money toward household expenses? -- JUST WONDERING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR JUST WONDERING: At what point? I recommend you do it tonight!

DEAR ABBY: Regarding the letter from "Dumbstruck in the East" (April 22), whose 9-year-old daughter has been getting "proposals of marriage" from a church usher in his 70s. An old man at church said things like that to me when I was about her age. He also was always trying to hug me. It made me uncomfortable and I disliked it. My mother never thought twice about him hugging me. Years later, when I was an adult, I learned he was a pedophile.

Her parents should go directly to the minister and let him know what is going on. If the parents decide to tell the usher his comment is not appreciated, they should say it's uncalled for and please stop making that type of remark. While his comment may be harmless, you never know for sure. -- ON THE SIDE OF CAUTION IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR CAUTION: Readers had various reactions to that letter. Some echoed your sentiments, while others felt differently. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am from the same generation as the church usher. I was the little sister who was not as attractive as my older sibling. (Boys either teased or ignored me.) I remember several elderly men complimenting me in a similar fashion, and although I realized I could never date or marry someone so much older, it lifted my self-esteem.

I believe the usher was just being kind. It would be horrible if he were reported to the pastor or embarrassed by a flip remark. If the parents want to stop his comments, they should gently suggest that "in today's world his kindness might be misinterpreted." I don't think we should teach children to be mean-spirited when this man spoke freely in front of the parents. -- JOAN IN KENTUCKY

DEAR ABBY: I had a different reply in mind for "Dumbstruck," whose young daughter is told by an elderly church usher that he is going to "marry" her when she grows up. Her mom could look at him and say, "I didn't realize you were ordained, but how kind of you to offer to officiate!" -- ANONYMOUS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ABBY: That man needs to be reported immediately. When I was 8, a friend of my dad used to tell me all the time he wanted to marry me. One day, when my parents weren't home, he molested me. That little girl should be kept away from the usher, even if it means not going to that church. -- LYNNE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: Next time the greeter tries the betrothal approach on the 9-year-old, her dad should chime in, "You'll have to get past me first!" It's blunt, but it gets the message across and doesn't insult the old guy. It's just Daddy protecting his baby girl. Done! -- PRACTICAL IN MARYLAND