DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, "Charlene," whom I met through a local charity organization. We have many things in common, including the fact that we're both retired, and we enjoy each other's company. Charlene is slim (not skinny), very energetic and fit for her age.

The problem is, it's impossible to share a meal with her. As soon as the food is served, Charlene starts a constant commentary about "how big the portions are" and how she "couldn't possibly eat" what is before her (it doesn't matter how little is on the plate). Often, she does actually eat most of her meal. Then the ongoing comments start about how she was such a pig, she won't be able to eat another thing all day.

I don't know if she thinks she's setting a good example (I am not slim), or if she has some psychological issues surrounding food. I am tired of this routine. Is there any way I can ask her to stop without hurting her feelings? -- SICK OF HEARING IT IN IDAHO

DEAR SICK: I can see how sitting through repeat performances of those refrains would get old fast. Of course there's a way to get her to stop. All you have to say is, "You know, when you say that, it prevents me from enjoying my meal, so please don't do it when you're with me."

DEAR ABBY: I have been selected to attend a symposium in New York that will be attended by one or more members of the British royal family. While I feel no animosity toward the royal family, some of my ancestors died fighting for freedom from English rule during the American Revolution.

I think it would be a grave dishonor to my ancestors to address the royals as "Your Highness" or any other term that suggests they are above me, especially since this gathering will take place on U.S. soil. How can I address them in a way that would be respectful, but would not demean the sacrifices of my ancestors? -- KEN IN OHIO

DEAR KEN: Be polite and gracious. Do not raise the subject of the American Revolution, because I am quite sure they are already well aware of it. To smile and say, "It's nice to meet you," would not dishonor your ancestors or embarrass the sponsors of the symposium, and that's what I recommend you do.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of a large family. On Sundays, some of them come over to visit me. Sometimes they'll get into arguments and get really angry.

Because this is happening in my home, what position am I to take? I was told by one of my daughters that I should not allow them to come here anymore. Because I am not involved in the argument, I don't feel I should do that.

I enjoy my daughters visiting me. I don't want to tell them they cannot come to their mother's house. What do you advise? -- MOM OF MANY IN THE WEST

DEAR MOM OF MANY: You're the mother. If your family's heated arguments make you uncomfortable -- and a pitched battle would qualify -- you are within your rights to tell them you prefer they argue elsewhere because it upsets you. I do not advise you to exercise the "nuclear option" by banishing them from the premises, because to do so would be an overreaction.

DEAR ABBY: I understand that a 15-year-old guy writing for relationship advice is shameful and that I'm probably better off not worrying about relationships in the first place, but I'm still gonna try.

I'm in high school, and I'm searching for a relationship with a certain girl. I've known her for eight years, and I always had a little-kid crush on her, but it's evolved over time and we've gotten closer. We used to talk a lot. She was in a relationship then. Even though we had feelings for each other, she stayed loyal to him.

Well, a couple months ago they broke up. As far as I know, she's single, but we don't really talk much anymore. A couple times I've started conversations with her, but they are usually short-lived.

She knows I have feelings for her, but nothing has happened. She's the one I want and now's my opportunity, but I don't want to ruin the small chance I have. I'm afraid she won't be single for long. -- WANTS TO TRY IN OHIO

DEAR WANTS TO TRY: It is not "shameful" to ask for advice. Call her and ask how her summer has been. If you did anything interesting, tell her about it. Then ask her if she's seeing anybody special. If she says no, ask if she'd like to go to a movie, a sporting event or on a hike with you -- depending upon her interests. I can't guarantee it will get you the response you're hoping for, but at least you will know where you -- and she -- stand.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter will turn 6 soon, and she is a lovely, wonderful child. The only thing is, my parents and I have spoiled her a tad.

Holidays have always been celebrated with lots of gifts. I'm starting to worry that perhaps she's becoming too materialistic. What's the proper etiquette for requesting no gifts on her birthday invitations? And how do I respond if they ask why? -- SPOILED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR SPOILED: I don't think it's necessary to state on the invitation "no gifts." There are ways to teach children that there are other, less-fortunate children in this world.

One way would be to volunteer at an organization that serves the underprivileged so your daughter can see for herself how lucky she is. Another would be to do as some other parents do: Mention on the birthday invitation that any gifts will be donated to a cause you and your daughter agree upon. And if you are asked why, be honest and upfront about it.

DEAR ABBY: I feel uncomfortable when people end conversations with "I love you." It creeps me out when a man does it. I always thought those words were reserved for someone you are intimate with, such as a spouse or possibly one's children. Am I wrong to think "I love you" has become meaningless from overuse? Or am I just a weird guy? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN TEXAS

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: It's not uncommon for good friends of both sexes to say "Love you" or "I love you" to each other as well as to extended relatives. In my opinion, it's healthy for people to express their feelings, because there's never too much love. Our world could use more expressions of it, not fewer.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of two teenaged girls (13 and 15) and have been debating whether to tell them a secret about my past. When I was in high school, I made some poor decisions. I went to a party with people I viewed as friends, had too much to drink and the evening ended with my being raped by someone I thought I knew.

I reported it to my parents and the police, but because I couldn't remember big parts of the evening, I wasn't considered credible and no one believed me -- not even my parents. My grades dropped, my weight plummeted and the entire school knew and believed his side of the story.

I internalized everything and became a shell of who I was before the incident. It was years before I forgave myself for making a horrible mistake. Ultimately, I moved in with my grandmother several states away to finish high school, far away from my parents and the pain.

Would it be appropriate to share this story (or a redacted version) with my daughters to help them understand the risks of teenage drinking? They are at the age when they are surrounded by temptation and curiosity, and their father and I can't shield them from everything. Would I be doing them a disservice by not telling them? -- UNDECIDED IN NEVADA

DEAR UNDECIDED: You would be doing your daughters a favor if, along with warning them about underage drinking, you shared your story with them. If you do, it will help them understand that drinking can have unintended, sometimes lifelong consequences. Forewarned is forearmed.

DEAR ABBY: Is it possible to have a relationship with a man 20 years younger? I rented my spare room to him, and over the past month, we have spent a lot of time together and grown very close.

He has made it clear that he's attracted to me, and I'm attracted to him as well. I am afraid of what people may think and say, and I worry about the long term. What are your thoughts? -- RELATIONSHIP ISSUE

DEAR ISSUE: I gather from your letter that you are 40-plus years old. If you are still worried about what people may think, refrain from doing what you're considering, because people do tend to talk. Since no one can predict how long the "long term" might be, my advice is to guard your heart. Because there are no guarantees in life, proceed with caution.

DEAR ABBY: When you are on the phone with someone and the call is dropped, who is supposed to call who back? I spent five minutes trying to call my mom back while she was trying to call me. It was very frustrating; both of us kept getting voicemail.

Mom says the person who received the call should be the person who calls back. I say the person who made the call should be the person who calls back. -- UNSURE IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR UNSURE: While I agree with you, no rule of etiquette dictates who should call the other person back in the event of a dropped call. Long waits also happen when a caller doesn't realize the call has dropped and continues talking. Frankly, it has been my experience that the callback is usually made by the person who can get through first. And the first sentence uttered is usually, "So, where were we?"