DEAR ABBY: My 22-year-old son is going to visit his father and get his third tattoo. I don't like it, but I can't control my son. He's an adult. His father is retired and lives on his wife's pension. It is my understanding that they are wealthy.

My concern is for our 14-year-old daughter. My ex thinks tattoos are cool, and when he talks to her via Skype, he talks about the next tattoo he is going to get. I'm afraid that when she's 18, he will take her to get a tattoo as a bonding experience.

His life is far removed from my daughter's. He is surrounded by actors, entertainers and artists. Our child (hopefully) will have a rich, abundant life in an ordinary way. She is focused on her studies and does well in school because of her efforts. How can I impress upon my not-so-confident, shy child that getting a tattoo is not a good idea? -- MARY IN MISSOURI

DEAR MARY: Discouraging your daughter from getting a tattoo should be part of an ongoing conversation. Explain that -- unlike makeup or temporary tats -- the real thing is permanent. Once it's on, there is no going back. It will be there for the rest of her life unless she has it professionally removed. Point out that tattoo removal is not only expensive, but also painful, and her skin will not look the way it did before she got inked -- she will be scarred.

Hopefully, it may make her less susceptible to "bonding" with her father in that way. Ultimately, however, when she's 18 and an adult, she will make her own decision about getting tattooed or remaining ink-free.

DEAR ABBY: My brother and sister-in-law have four children, ages 11, 10, 4 and 3. They are financially strapped and can't afford to take the children to entertainment or cultural events because every dime is spent for essentials.

I'm financially stable and childless. I take the older children to various activities once every month or so. I don't include the younger ones because they are unruly. I feel somewhat guilty for not including them. However, I want to continue doing it for the older children so they'll be exposed to various events they couldn't see otherwise.

Am I wrong for not wanting to be responsible for the younger children, or should I stop taking any of them out to be fair? -- TRYING MY BEST IN THE SOUTH

DEAR TRYING: Explain to the parents, if you haven't already, that you would love to include the younger children, but that you are unable to because of their unruly behavior, which you are unable to control. What you're doing is not "unfair"; it is wise. If you were to take all four and not be able to control them, one of the little ones could be seriously injured.

Think of some other way you can make the younger children feel special. Perhaps taking them to a park occasionally would make them feel less left out.

DEAR ABBY: I'm worried about a close friend I have known for about 10 years. She's well-educated, independent and family-oriented. She has been online dating for quite a while and continually meets guys who have criminal backgrounds.

She dated one of them on the down low for two years because she was embarrassed by how he behaved in public. The most recent man served a 16-year prison sentence for being involved in a murder.

She tells me she doesn't see a future with any of them, but goes on multiple dates and defends them with, "He seems like a nice guy." In the next breath, she'll claim to want a steady and meaningful relationship.

I have voiced my concerns. I asked her what she'd say to me if the tables were turned, and her responses mimic the concern I show her. I suggested she try a different website or mode of meeting potential partners, but it hasn't made a difference.

I believe in second chances up to a point, but now I'm genuinely worried for her safety. Is there anything else I can do to convince her to have safer boundaries? -- CONCERNED ABOUT CRIMINALS

DEAR CONCERNED: No, you have done enough. Until your friend admits to herself that she's fishing for trout in the wrong stream, she'll continue to reel in sharks.

DEAR ABBY: Is it normal for men to sulk or get angry when they don't get sex when they want it? I've been married to my husband for more than 30 years. I run several miles a day and, with all the work I do, I don't always feel like having sex. Lately, I have been under a lot of stress, so I haven't been in the mood.

The other night, he did his usual sulking. Then, as he often does, he tossed about in bed, repeatedly and roughly, while we're trying to sleep. The whole bed shook. Another night, he stuck his elbow in my ribs to be sure he got my attention.

Sometimes he'll grab my butt really hard while I'm trying to sleep -- in the middle of the night, mind you. I end up having sex with him so he leaves me alone and I can sleep.

I have tried sleeping in another bed. But then he comes to that room and repeatedly kicks the mattress. If I lock the door, he kicks the door. So, I have sex with him so I can live in peace. Do most men do this when they don't get sex as often as they like? -- SPOUSE SULKING IN THE NORTH

DEAR SPOUSE: You have tolerated this for 30 years? What you have described is spousal abuse. Most men do not behave the way your husband does, bullying and coercing their wives into marital relations. Please discuss this with a licensed mental health professional. His behavior is off the charts, and you need more help than I can give you in a letter.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question. If you are traveling with a group of friends on a plane, is it rude for one couple to upgrade to first class? This was a group trip traveling to go on a cruise together. -- JUST WONDERING IN FLORIDA

DEAR JUST WONDERING: I wouldn't call it a breach of etiquette. However, it's less than an expression of solidarity with the friends who are sitting in the back. Personally, I think it sends a wrong message and could cause resentment unless there's a practical reason the couple needs the extra space -- long legs, a bad back, a weight problem, etc.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I work out at the same gym. Over the past several months it has gotten back to me that one of the trainers, "Bob," has been talking negatively about me to some of the other members.

My boyfriend works out with another trainer there, and during his workout, I approached him and his trainer and expressed my anger about what Bob was doing. I said I was fed up and that I wanted to confront him.

My boyfriend told me to keep my mouth shut and say nothing. He said I shouldn't take it personally, that Bob is just being a hater. He also said the person who told me shouldn't have. I disagree. I don't think it matters how it got back to me -- it did!

Last week, while his regular trainer was away, my boyfriend trained with Bob! I feel it was disloyal, but he disagrees. He thinks I should just let it go. What do you think? -- GYM DILEMMA

DEAR GYM DILEMMA: Because the bad-mouthing has happened more than once, talk to the manager of the gym about what's going on. Bob may not like you, but that doesn't give him the right to make the gym an unpleasant place for clients to visit. If your boyfriend were loyal, he would have told Bob to knock it off. And he would not have worked out with him when his regular trainer was away; he would have chosen someone else.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law lives in another state, so she often mails my daughter's gifts to us after she buys the items online. Then she expects me to wrap them. The icing on the cake? She's now saying I need to add bows to these gifts, but she doesn't send any money for the wrapping paper or bows.

I think this is very rude. My daughter thinks her aunt takes the time to purchase these gifts, when she's only pressing a button and that is it. With everyone shopping online more and more, is this a new trend, to have the parents wrap gifts instead of the person giving them? -- ONLINE GIFT GIVING

DEAR ONLINE: It's only a trend if you decide to let it become one. Feeling as you do, it's time you had a discussion with your sister-in-law concerning how you feel about this arrangement and what you expect from her.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 55 years passed away five months ago and I am lonely. How long should I wait before establishing a relationship with another woman?

A certain lady and I go to church together, so we are well acquainted. I never thought about being with her until my wife died. She and my wife were friendly acquaintances.

What is the right time to wait? Six months? A year? I never thought I could be lonely. Well, think again! -- READY FOR THE FUTURE

DEAR READY: There's no timetable for grieving. If you feel you are ready for companionship, all you need to do is pick up the phone and call the lady you have in mind. To do that is not disrespectful to your late wife. It's a tribute to the happiness you experienced being part of a couple.