DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old daughter has just graduated from high school. She has now informed me that she's not going on to college, like we had previously discussed, and becomes upset when we try to talk to her. My question is, should we let her make her own decision about this -- and pay for it for the rest of her life -- or continue to push her into some kind of life skill set? -- LIFE SKILLS IN MISSOURI

DEAR LIFE SKILLS: Your daughter may be burned out from studying. Rather than "push" her into doing something she is sure to resent, consider allowing her to take a gap year.

This does not mean it should be spent resting on her laurels or her fanny. She might benefit from getting a job and learning what the real world is like. It would give her time to mature and, after spending a year in a lower-paying job, she may begin to appreciate the wisdom of furthering her education for the financial benefit it brings.

DEAR ABBY: I have had a weight problem all my life. What makes it harder is that I have a sister a year younger who can't gain a pound. She has always been the "hot one" and the center of attention. People she has introduced me to have actually said, "I can't believe you're sisters" instead of "Nice to meet you."

Of course, my sister is married, while I am still single. I hate being around her because I feel like a slug. I'm more physically active than she is, and I eat healthier. I'm not ugly, but I feel that way around her. Do you have any advice on handling this? -- IN HER SHADOW IN MARYLAND

DEAR IN HER SHADOW: For starters, stop comparing yourself to your sister. You are overdue for reviewing your own assets as an individual.

You may not be as "metabolically blessed" as your slender sister, but that doesn't mean you don't have important qualities that she doesn't share. Figure out what those are, "polish" them, and you will discover you are a successful person in your own right.

If you think your not being married is a drawback, it's time you understood that marriage isn't a goal; it is only a beginning. It's a partnership, hopefully a successful one, but it's not a guarantee of success in any area.

DEAR ABBY: My son volunteers teaching classes at a community center and is generous about assisting anyone with anything he is capable of. But when it comes to helping his wife and family, he never has time because he's always helping strangers. I believe his giving should begin at home. How can we get him to see the light? -- DO-GOODER'S MOM

DEAR DO-GOODER'S MOM: While I agree that charity should begin at home, your daughter-in-law should address this with your son, not you. Suggest she begin by asking him why the psychic gratification he receives from helping strangers seems to be greater than what he feels from helping family. His answer should be an interesting jumping-off place for the discussion that ensues. Everybody needs to feel important, and strangers may be more inclined to express their gratitude.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are expecting our first child. A friend of hers pulled me aside to ask if I had already gotten my wife a "push gift." I have never heard of this, but apparently it's supposed to be something nice, like jewelry, to celebrate the birth.

We have already been spending a lot of extra money to decorate a nursery. In addition, the delivery will be costly under our high-deductible health plan. Combined with the fact that my wife just retired from her teaching job, the expenses are starting to freak me out.

In light of this, what do you think of the idea of a push gift? Have you heard any good ideas for a low-cost but appropriate alternative? -- EXCITED FATHER-TO-BE

DEAR EXCITED: A push gift can be a piece of jewelry, your first "family vacation," a piece of electronic equipment for your wife or a piece of furniture for the nursery. Some couples prefer something less materialistic, such as help with baby care or money for the child's education.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 40-year-old man. I have worked at my current job for two years and love it, even though I earn only two-thirds what I did at my prior position.

My problem is, I think I'm in love with my boss. She's an amazing person -- very sexy -- and I can't stop thinking about her. The woman I loved died two weeks before I took this job, and I'm still not ready to date again. Oh, my boss is married, so there's no way I can hook up with her.

How can I stop having feelings for my boss? Should I just quit? I attempted to a month ago, but she gave me a raise. -- CRUSHING IN MINNESOTA

DEAR CRUSHING: If you are crushing on your boss and fantasizing because you think she's "amazing and sexy," I beg to differ with you. You are ready to date.

You say last month you were given a raise when you mentioned quitting. It appears you are a valued employee at that company. Before you jeopardize a job you love and for which you are being increasingly well-compensated, I urge you to dip your foot into the dating pool of eligible women. Now!

DEAR ABBY: A friend of more than 70 years passed away out of state. When I emailed a network of acquaintances and asked about the cause of death, I got a nasty response from one of them saying my question was rude and in poor taste. Is such a question about a friend you haven't seen in many years really out of line? -- EX-KENTUCKIAN

DEAR EX-KENTUCKIAN: People are naturally curious, and no, the question isn't rude. Often people are aware that the deceased has been ailing and don't mind sharing the information. What would be in poor taste would be to ask members of the immediate family (his widow or children, for example) what killed their loved one, because discussing it in detail could be painful.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend died unexpectedly a few months ago, and it has been a struggle to get through my sadness. We had been through a lot in the year and a half we were dating, including some infidelities on my part.

Aside from my sadness and guilt, I'm struggling with the fear that I'll never live down my infidelities or be able to make it up to him. It is clouding the positive memories I have of him. I don't know how to stop my thoughts from going all over the place. Please help. -- SAD IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR SAD: Much as we might wish to, none of us can change the past. I assume that you have now learned that it's best to remain faithful in your romantic relationships. That's a step in the right direction. The next step is to resolve that in future relationships you won't stray, and if you are tempted to, you will discuss with your boyfriend what you feel is missing in your relationship.

As to how to disrupt the intrusive memories that keep flooding back, a technique many people use is to remind themselves to stay in the moment each time an unwanted memory pops up. The technique is called "mindfulness," and it works.

DEAR ABBY: I am wondering what the rule is for socializing at the gym. I work out twice a week with a friend, and we usually do part of our workout on the treadmill. While we walk, we will chat. We don't talk loudly, and we never use offensive language. It's just general chit-chat about kids, work, etc.

Twice, one woman (the same woman) has ordered us to stop talking because we "bother" her. She wears headphones while she watches TV, but she says she can still hear us.

Abby, when I wear headphones (even on a very low volume), it tunes out almost everything. By her strong reaction, I am assuming this woman is unusually sensitive to noise, but this is a gym, not a library. We never monopolize the machines. I don't think I have ever been called rude in any other situation, and I always try to be pleasant and accommodating, so I would appreciate your thoughts. -- CHERYL IN HOUSTON

DEAR CHERYL: I do have a few. When people work out at a shared facility, they have to expect there will be other people there. Treadmills make noise, and sometimes it's necessary to speak in a louder than normal voice in order to be heard. If the woman complains again, suggest she move to a treadmill farther away or increase the volume on her headphones so your conversation won't disturb her. However, if that doesn't satisfy her, mention that she might be happier if she worked out at a different time when the place isn't as full.

DEAR ABBY: Most everyone appears to be fighting over politics these days, and there's even in-fighting within each side. Will it ever stop? -- BAFFLED IN THE EAST

DEAR BAFFLED: Perhaps. But it won't happen until people stop shouting (literally and figuratively), decide to bring civility back and start listening respectfully to each other.