DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend died unexpectedly a few months ago, and it has been a struggle to get through my sadness. We had been through a lot in the year and a half we were dating, including some infidelities on my part.
Aside from my sadness and guilt, I'm struggling with the fear that I'll never live down my infidelities or be able to make it up to him. It is clouding the positive memories I have of him. I don't know how to stop my thoughts from going all over the place. Please help. -- SAD IN SACRAMENTO
DEAR SAD: Much as we might wish to, none of us can change the past. I assume that you have now learned that it's best to remain faithful in your romantic relationships. That's a step in the right direction. The next step is to resolve that in future relationships you won't stray, and if you are tempted to, you will discuss with your boyfriend what you feel is missing in your relationship.
As to how to disrupt the intrusive memories that keep flooding back, a technique many people use is to remind themselves to stay in the moment each time an unwanted memory pops up. The technique is called "mindfulness," and it works.