DEAR ABBY: When my wife was 17 (she's now 54), she was in a car accident. She and her three friends were high and drunk. She suffered two skull fractures, which have affected her memory. She thinks it's my job to remind her of things and becomes angry to the point of hitting things when I don't do it. I feel her schedule is her responsibility. But when I tell her that, she claims I am not being "supportive." -- UNSURE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR UNSURE: In successful marriages the division of labor is usually "each according to his ability, each according to his need." Your wife's schedule should be her responsibility, and if your wife were irresponsible, I'd agree with you. However, because she suffered a traumatic brain injury, she may be unable to be as organized as you are and need your help. That said, "hitting things" when she becomes frustrated is not appropriate, and she needs to find a less threatening and destructive way of venting.

DEAR ABBY: Because our country's marriage laws recently changed, my partner and I have decided, after 16 years together, to be married. If something unfortunate were to happen to one of us a few years down the road, what's the proper way to acknowledge our marriage in an obituary?

Technically, we could say, "He is survived by his husband of two years," but that would discount the 16 years we were together and would have been married had the laws permitted it. But saying that he is survived by his husband of 18 years seems misleading as well. How can our many years together be honored without being misrepresented? -- OBITUARY ETIQUETTE

DEAR OBITUARY ETIQUETTE: How about this: He is survived by his husband and partner of 18 years.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with my family that's driving me crazy. They are Facebook snobs. I prefer not to join Facebook for personal reasons, and because I haven't, they don't keep me up to date regarding special events such as births, family picnics, etc. They each expect the other ones to notify me, and no matter how often I ask, they'll say, "Oh, 'So-and-So' was supposed to let you know." It's not like I am estranged from any of them; it's just that they keep insisting I should join Facebook, and I'm tired of hearing it. Advice? -- NO SOCIAL MEDIA FOR ME

DEAR NO SOCIAL MEDIA: There are other ways to communicate online than Facebook. Are you on the internet at all? If you are, you could be notified of events through group email, group chat or group texting. I don't think it's fair to expect your relatives to make a special effort to keep you in the loop.

DEAR ABBY: I don't know what to do. I was having an affair with the most wonderful (married) man. I'm sure that he and I were the only ones who knew. He passed away unexpectedly a few years ago. I still go to the place where we met and hung out together. In my mind, I see him walking in and speaking his last words to me.

How do I mourn for him without giving it away? He was cremated, so there's no grave to visit. I end up in tears when I visit "our" place. I need all the advice you have to offer. -- NEEDS HELP IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR NEEDS HELP: Please accept my sympathy for your clearly heartfelt loss. Ordinarily I'd suggest you join a grief support group, but I'm afraid if you do, you might run into his widow if you live in the same area.

It might help you to visit the place you met less often. Surely there are less painful places you can go to quietly reflect on your relationship. You might also consider discussing your feelings with a therapist or a trusted, nonjudgmental friend, because keeping these feelings bottled up is not healthy.

DEAR ABBY: There is a nice couple we know who make their own wine. They give us a couple of bottles a year and ask us to return the empties, which we are happy to do.

We love good wine of all kinds. In years past, we have appreciated their wine gifts, although, to be honest, they have been of marginal quality. I usually end up using it for cooking.

We just opened their last gift, Abby, and it is so awful I won't use it even in cooking. My husband and I are now having a disagreement: He says, "Dump it and return the bottle with a thank-you." I say, "Return the leftover wine (minus a 1/4 glass), and say how much we appreciate the thought, but that it just wasn't the flavor we drink." I just don't want them to waste their wine on us and give us any more, as they work hard to make it. Please advise. -- NOT A LIAR IN COLORADO

DEAR NOT A LIAR: It might be kinder to return the empty bottle with a note thanking them and asking them to please not send you more because you are trying to cut back on your alcohol consumption. It's the truth. The alcohol you're trying to cut back on is theirs.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter "Maria's" quinceanera is next year. We invited her half-siblings to come. But her father's current wife, "Elena," refuses to allow it because Elena is a Jehovah's Witness. Maria will be heartbroken that they won't be there. Is there anything I can do to persuade Elena to let them come, or would it be overstepping my place? -- PROUD MAMA IN KENTUCKY

DEAR PROUD MAMA: If your daughter's half-siblings are being raised as Jehovah's Witnesses, it would be against their religious beliefs to attend her quinceanera. While I don't think it would be overstepping to talk with your ex and his wife and ask if their girls can come, do not be surprised or take it personally if the answer is still no.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for 17 years. For the first 16 years, my wife would make me lattes without being asked. Last year, she announced she would no longer make any more lattes for me. When I asked her if she expected me to go the rest of my life without one, she said yes!

Do you think it would be OK if I found another female to make lattes for me? Wouldn't that woman be doing my wife a favor? Hint: I am not really talking about lattes. -- NO MORE LATTES IN KOKOMO

DEAR NO MORE LATTES: Before outsourcing your latte business, it is important that you find out from your wife why her attitude has changed so drastically. Has she lost interest in that kind of beverage preparation? Has making lattes become painful for her? Could there be other issues in your relationship that have made her less interested in giving you your favorite treat?

If the answer to these questions is yes, perhaps she should discuss them with her doctor -- or the two of you talk about them with a licensed marriage counselor. Hint: I'm really not advising you about lattes, either.

DEAR ABBY: After 33 years of what I thought was a near-perfect marriage, my husband walked out and filed for divorce. That was 12 years ago. Since then, I've done my best to move on and find my "next chapter."

I'm now in the process of downsizing to move into a smaller house. While going through my filing cabinet, I ran across some very sweet and touching love letters my ex had written to me -- some of them just a few weeks before he left me. I am having a hard time deciding whether to throw them away or keep them. I know there's no perfect answer, but any advice you could offer to help me make that decision would be appreciated. It's a sensitive topic for me. -- LOVE LETTERS IN TEXAS

DEAR L.L.: I'll bet it is. How does reading those touching love letters make you feel? Be honest. If they bring back warm memories, hang onto them. However, if they have the opposite effect, do yourself a favor, dispose of them and continue looking forward into your next chapter.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a mobile park, and in the park is a group that collects money and runs fundraisers to help the low-income people who live here. They deliver one bag of food to about 10 families once a month.

This group does not disclose how much money was collected -- ever -- and are very secretive about how much they have in their fund. Some of us who live here have raised the question as to how much money they are holding, but they refuse to give us any information. They say they are not a nonprofit, so they don't have to report to the IRS. Is there anything we can do to make them tell us how much is in there? -- MONEY MATTERS

DEAR MONEY MATTERS: There absolutely is. Poll how many of your neighbors feel the way you do, and then, as a group, stop contributing money. If enough residents do that, the money will dry up and the fund will close. Because only 10 families need this kind of help, you and your neighbors should consider selecting families to help and do it directly.