DEAR ABBY: I live in a 55-plus community. I am younger than my husband by 10 years, so I was 49 when we moved here. We have lost 49 neighbors during the past five years -- yes, seriously. Others are in nursing homes with no quality of life.

While walking my dog yesterday, a neighbor stopped me. She was standing in her driveway crying and nearly hysterical. Her husband has been in a nursing home for three years. He doesn't know what is going on or who she is. She told me that she visits him every day, but she cannot stand it anymore. She said she wants to kill herself, but isn't strong enough to do it.

They are in their 80s and had a wonderful 50-year marriage. He is not on life support, but has just been lying there for all this time. What can she do? What can I do to help her? -- LISA IN FLORIDA

DEAR LISA: Your poor neighbor was having an awful day. You already helped by listening to her and allowing her to vent. However, she needs to be able to do a lot more of it, and a way to help her further would be to suggest she talk to a doctor who specializes in the needs of older patients (a geriatrician). There may be a support group in your 55-plus community she could join, and she should be encouraged to do more for herself than she has been.

If she doesn't know of a doctor to consult, ask your physician if he/she knows someone who is good. Doctors usually refer patients to doctors at their own level of competence. She could also inquire in the facility her husband is at and ask about support groups there as well.

DEAR ABBY: My son, "Allen," is 27 and a pretty good writer, mostly fantasy stuff. I don't like that genre myself, but I have enjoyed reading some of his work. He writes not only short stories but also entire books.

I have tried to convince him to submit his work to publishers to no avail. He has a college degree, but doesn't use it. He's content working a minimum-wage job when he could be doing what he loves and possibly make a living at it. Oh! And he still lives at home and does very little work around the house. Advice, please? -- FRUSTRATED FATHER

DEAR FRUSTRATED FATHER: Has it occurred to you that your son may be in a comfortable rut? I assume you have already spoken to him regarding his lack of ambition. While his job may not be what you think he's capable of doing, it may allow him the time to write. He may hesitate to submit his work to publishers because he's afraid rejection would be too painful.

Not knowing your son, I can't guess his reasons for living the life he has chosen. However, if what's really bothering you is the fact that at 27 he's still living at home and not helping enough around the house, that is fixable. Explain what you expect of him if he's going to continue to stay there, and if he doesn't live up to his responsibilities, tell him he will have to leave. It's your home and you have a right to be assertive about what goes on in it.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughters aren't speaking. One says she really doesn't "like" the other. These are mature women who have had their differences throughout their lives. But they have tolerated each other, one more than the other.

The older one claims her sister posted not-so-nice things about her. The younger one threatens not to attend any gatherings if her sister is there. This needs to be resolved before years go by and our family is torn apart.

They stopped speaking a month ago -- on their dad's birthday yet. It was one of the worst days of our lives. We're in our 80s, and I may never again see them together. The older one says she's willing to go to counseling, but the younger refuses.

We're desperate for a reconciliation. They don't have to be best friends, just be civil and tolerate a holiday together for our sake. Please advise. -- HELPLESS AND SAD IN DALLAS

DEAR HELPLESS AND SAD: Unless both of your daughters are willing to accept counseling or mediation, they will not reconcile. For your younger daughter to resort to emotional blackmail ("if she's there, I won't be") is despicable. Please do not give in to it. Tell her that if she decides to change her mind, she's always welcome, and then proceed without her. You may be desperate for a reconciliation, but until your daughters are, it won't happen and you will have to accept it.

DEAR ABBY: Recently I was listening to a couple talking about who and who not to invite to a wedding because seating was limited.

I'm wondering whether there would be anything wrong with sending out a letter stating that although they would like to invite everyone, seating is limited. Explain that, of course, immediate family (parents, siblings and their spouses) would be invited without exception. However, the remaining seating would be on a "lottery" basis. If people accept the invitation, they would be in the lottery and then notified of the results.

Is this acceptable? I think it would solve a lot of problems. Just wondering. -- JUST A THOUGHT IN OHIO

DEAR JUST A THOUGHT: If I were you, I would forget this concept. Depending upon the size of the guest list, I strongly suspect it would offend anyone who didn't "win" the lottery.

DEAR ABBY: I sometimes have social anxiety. I would like to go out with friends and acquaintances, but I worry I won't have enough to talk about or won't know what to say, and it makes me nervous. Do you have any advice? -- LONER IN ILLINOIS

DEAR LONER: Almost everyone has social anxiety to some extent. If your only worry is that you won't have enough to talk about, don't let it stop you. Most people like to talk about themselves and will appreciate a good listener.

If you would like to bring up topics, listen to the news or read your newspaper and jot down a few topics. If your level of anxiety is so high that you cannot interact with others, then it's time to discuss it with your physician and ask for a referral to someone who can give you medical and psychological help.

DEAR ABBY: My twin sister and I are juniors in high school and starting to plan to apply to colleges. It has always been assumed that we would go to the same college and be roommates. My sister still wants it this way. I, however, think it's finally time for some separation. We've been "roommates" our whole lives and shared a bed until we were 14, when Mom finally let us get twin beds for our room.

My sister was hurt and upset when I told her I prefer that we go to separate colleges, and she took it personally. It is nothing personal. I love her with all my heart. I would just like to finally be an individual after us having always being known as "the twins."

Our mom agrees with my sister and tells me stories about friends of hers whose kids ended up with "roommates from hell." She says we have always gotten along beautifully sharing a room, so why argue with success? Well, I'm willing to take my chances. If I get a roommate I don't like, I'll find a way to deal with it.

Please give me your opinion. Also, please give me advice on how to make my sister understand that this is nothing against her. -- TWIN SISTER

DEAR TWIN SISTER: My mother and my aunt were identical twins. Like you, they shared a room and slept in the same bed for many years. Their parents dressed them alike and gave them names that were mirror images (Pauline Esther and Esther Pauline). Like you, my aunt yearned to be an individual. My mother loved the attention that being a twin brought. This created serious conflict for them later in life.

You deserve the chance to spread your wings and be your own person. If you do, you will grow from the experience, and so will your sister. You should not have to "sell" her on this, but explain it to your sister that way. Your mother should be glad that you are independent.

DEAR ABBY: I strongly feel this is an issue many women besides me struggle with. Maybe you can offer some insight.

My husband and I have been trying to conceive without success for several years. I don't want to reveal our struggles to friends or family, but how do you handle questions like "Why don't you have a baby yet?" and "When are you giving me grandkids?"

The older we get, the more pointed these questions become. I don't know how to respond. What should I say? I feel like either lying and saying I'm not ready yet, or telling the truth about the possibility of never having children, although I'm sure the questioner doesn't intend to go down the path of "Let's discuss my fertility." -- STRUGGLING IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR STRUGGLING: I'm sure many of the questioners have no idea they are delving into a subject that is painful and frustrating for you. Perhaps the most diplomatic answer would be to say, "If I'm lucky enough to be expecting, I will let you know." It shows you are open to the possibility, and it's either going to happen or it won't.