DEAR ABBY: This is something I can't talk about in my grief support group. I'm a 70-year-old widow. I lost my dear husband of 35 years 17 months ago. I always was more sexual than he was. Since the funeral, I have had a one-night stand with a nice younger man, but it was a failure for me physically. Since then, I am leery.

Last night, a dear friend visited. He knew both of us for years. I had flirted with him last year, but nothing happened. Last night he came on to me. I was upset about my failure to perform with the nice young man, so I turned him down. Now I don't know what to do.

If I sleep with him, will it destroy our friendship? Will I be able to keep him from becoming a major presence in my home? -- WONDERING WIDOW

DEAR WIDOW: Please accept my condolences for the loss of your husband. That your first experience after your husband's death wasn't all that you fantasized it would be isn't unusual. Good sex is all about communication. It takes time for couples to adjust to each other and feel comfortable enough to talk frankly about their individual needs.

If you sleep with this old friend, I can't see why it would destroy your friendship. You are both adults and, I assume, available. Sex with him may -- or may not -- bring you closer for a variety of reasons.

However, if you would not welcome someone becoming "a major presence in your home," allow me to point out that it might be better not to go to bed with him. Once a door is opened, it's not unusual for a guest to become comfortable and crave more "hospitality."

DEAR ABBY: I am a mother of two, and I'm afraid the baby's dad is with me only for them. He pays no attention to me unless he has something to complain about. When he does, he says hurtful things that make me cry and then he tells the kids to call me a crybaby. It's almost as if he is trying to turn them against me.

I want a relationship with him. I want love and attention, but I don't know how to get it. Please help! -- NOT WANTED IN THE EAST

DEAR NOT WANTED: What your partner is doing is unhealthy not only for you, but also for your children. He is emotionally abusing you, while at the same time encouraging those children to disrespect you and minimize your feelings.

For your sake -- and theirs -- you must not allow this to continue. If you do, they will think the abuse is normal behavior and perpetuate it in their own relationships when they are older.

Offer your partner the option of couples counseling to repair your relationship. If he refuses, go without him. If you do, I promise you will find it enlightening. Please do not procrastinate, because his verbal abuse could escalate.

DEAR ABBY: Is there a way to respond to individuals who use swear words often and loudly in a public place such as a restaurant? Hearing the F-word used by people at the next table ruins my enjoyment of my meal. -- OFFENDED IN THE WEST

DEAR OFFENDED: I don't advise you to approach the "offenders." If you have a complaint, direct it to the manager of the restaurant, who can then inform the "F-worders" they are disturbing other patrons and to please keep it down. And if they don't, ask to change tables and sit in a quieter section of the restaurant.

DEAR ABBY: I recently moved to Texas and met my teenage niece for the first time. After I got there I learned she had been molested by her mother's father at the age of 3. He had also molested her mother when she was a child. "Grandpa" is currently serving a life sentence in prison.

Abby, my niece has some issues. Her parents caught her sexting twice that I know of and took her phone away for a period of time. She was also accused of touching her 8-year-old niece and was ordered to knock it off.

She told me she showers with her mother and asked to shower with me. When I refused, she became abusive. When I tried to tell my brother she needs professional help, he told me to mind my own business.

If I report this, I risk never seeing anyone in my family again, but I love my niece and I'm afraid for her. Her mother has already limited my contact with her, and I'm afraid Mom needs help as much as my niece. Please help. None of this makes sense to me. Why won't they get her help? -- DESPERATELY NEEDS HELP

DEAR DESPERATELY: They won't get help because it appears that in their lives inappropriate sexual behavior may have become an ingrained family affair. You are right that the mother needs as much help as your niece, and your brother should not be covering for his wife. You should report what's going on to child protective services. While you probably won't be thanked for it, you may be able to interrupt the cycle of incest and molestation.

DEAR READERS: Have a very happy, healthy and safe Fourth of July, everyone! -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I was in a relationship for 12 years. "Jenny" was my best friend. I had to end our relationship because she had allowed her mother to destroy it.

Jenny is 35 and her mother cooks, cleans, does her laundry and makes her bed for her. I would return from work and find her mother sleeping next to her in bed every day. It seemed to me to be her way of putting a wedge in between us.

If we went to a concert, we had to buy three tickets because Jenny always had to bring her mother. When I would ask Jenny out to dinner, she would say, "Can Mom come?" Is this normal? If we had an argument, her mother would get involved and it would become two against one, and I would always be in the wrong. Nothing I did was right.

Since we broke up, Jenny doesn't speak to me. I lost my best friend, and I don't know what to do. -- THREE'S TOO MUCH COMPANY

DEAR TOO MUCH COMPANY: Jenny's primary relationship was -- and probably forever will be -- with her mother. You may have felt that Jenny was your best friend, but Jenny's best friend is her mother -- a bond that her mother works very hard to keep intact. Accept it, expand your social circle and move on. That's all you can do because Jenny is taken.

DEAR ABBY: I hope you will let me unload on you. I lost my much-loved cat a year ago and would like to get another pet, but I cannot afford it.

Having been in business, there are some costs I can understand, such as vet care, grooming and kennel fees if a trip is planned. But the pharmaceutical prices are simply unaffordable, with vaccinations, flea medicine and meds when the pet is sick -- not to mention end-of-life care. I cannot put a pet down just because it is old.

I am elderly and, while not rich, I do get by. But I cannot afford pet insurance, either. I am a widow, and a pet would be a great comfort to me. Any ideas? -- MONA IN YUBA CITY, CALIF.

DEAR MONA: Have you considered fostering a cat while an animal rescue group finds a permanent home for it? Contact some in your area and ask whether they cover the cost of veterinary expenses while the cat is staying with you. You may be pleasantly surprised to find that they do.

Also, contact a no-kill shelter and inquire if it's possible to foster a pet or to volunteer there. In addition to the gratification you will get from having a furry houseguest, you will be doing the kitty a huge favor.

DEAR ABBY: I am 64 and my live-in fiance is 73. He has no retirement or savings. He has a winter job he loves and works occasionally in the summer. We will not marry so we can keep our finances separate, and he has contributed one-fifth toward my home.

My problem is he wants to go out to dinner all the time. I suggest that we eat at home to save money, which is also more healthy. We have upcoming roof and boiler expenses that he won't be able to contribute to. Any suggestions? -- MONEY MANAGEMENT IN COLORADO

DEAR M.M.: Just this. Point out to your fiance that because of the upcoming maintenance expenses, eating out as often as he wants is more than you can manage, and tell him that if he wants to eat out, HE will be the one paying for it. Summer is here now, and he should arrange his work schedule so he can afford it.