DEAR ABBY: I was in a relationship for 12 years. "Jenny" was my best friend. I had to end our relationship because she had allowed her mother to destroy it.

Jenny is 35 and her mother cooks, cleans, does her laundry and makes her bed for her. I would return from work and find her mother sleeping next to her in bed every day. It seemed to me to be her way of putting a wedge in between us.

If we went to a concert, we had to buy three tickets because Jenny always had to bring her mother. When I would ask Jenny out to dinner, she would say, "Can Mom come?" Is this normal? If we had an argument, her mother would get involved and it would become two against one, and I would always be in the wrong. Nothing I did was right.

Since we broke up, Jenny doesn't speak to me. I lost my best friend, and I don't know what to do. -- THREE'S TOO MUCH COMPANY

DEAR TOO MUCH COMPANY: Jenny's primary relationship was -- and probably forever will be -- with her mother. You may have felt that Jenny was your best friend, but Jenny's best friend is her mother -- a bond that her mother works very hard to keep intact. Accept it, expand your social circle and move on. That's all you can do because Jenny is taken.

DEAR ABBY: I hope you will let me unload on you. I lost my much-loved cat a year ago and would like to get another pet, but I cannot afford it.

Having been in business, there are some costs I can understand, such as vet care, grooming and kennel fees if a trip is planned. But the pharmaceutical prices are simply unaffordable, with vaccinations, flea medicine and meds when the pet is sick -- not to mention end-of-life care. I cannot put a pet down just because it is old.

I am elderly and, while not rich, I do get by. But I cannot afford pet insurance, either. I am a widow, and a pet would be a great comfort to me. Any ideas? -- MONA IN YUBA CITY, CALIF.

DEAR MONA: Have you considered fostering a cat while an animal rescue group finds a permanent home for it? Contact some in your area and ask whether they cover the cost of veterinary expenses while the cat is staying with you. You may be pleasantly surprised to find that they do.

Also, contact a no-kill shelter and inquire if it's possible to foster a pet or to volunteer there. In addition to the gratification you will get from having a furry houseguest, you will be doing the kitty a huge favor.

DEAR ABBY: I am 64 and my live-in fiance is 73. He has no retirement or savings. He has a winter job he loves and works occasionally in the summer. We will not marry so we can keep our finances separate, and he has contributed one-fifth toward my home.

My problem is he wants to go out to dinner all the time. I suggest that we eat at home to save money, which is also more healthy. We have upcoming roof and boiler expenses that he won't be able to contribute to. Any suggestions? -- MONEY MANAGEMENT IN COLORADO

DEAR M.M.: Just this. Point out to your fiance that because of the upcoming maintenance expenses, eating out as often as he wants is more than you can manage, and tell him that if he wants to eat out, HE will be the one paying for it. Summer is here now, and he should arrange his work schedule so he can afford it.

DEAR ABBY: My mom passed away two years ago. Because she was cremated, there is no grave site to pay tribute to her. She lived in Rhode Island; I live in Florida.

My roommate's mother passed last year, and she was buried here in Florida. On Mother's Day, I wanted to pay respects to both of our moms. Because my mom has no grave site, we placed flowers on my roommate's mom's grave in memory of both mothers.

Was it wrong to do this? My roommate is fine with the idea, but others disagree. Abby, what's your take on this? Any other ideas for me to honor my mom? -- MOURNING MY MOM

DEAR MOURNING: If placing flowers on your roommate's mother's grave brought you comfort, then it was exactly the right thing to do. That someone told you there was anything wrong with the way you chose to ease your sense of loss was the height of nerve. If you wish to continue doing it, then you should.

As to other ways to honor your mom, consider making a donation in her memory to a cause that was dear to her or a school she attended. I'm sure both would be appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, his father, grandfather and great-grandfather all share the same first name, which is "Andrew." We hope to carry on the tradition if we are blessed with a baby boy.

My husband's first cousin and his wife have just announced they are having a baby boy and will be using Andrew as a middle name. My husband isn't upset about it, but I am. My husband's cousin claims he simply wanted to name his son after his great-grandfather, but I feel like Andrew isn't his name to use. Am I overreacting? I don't feel right about using the name now if we are blessed to have a son. Am I being selfish? -- IRKED WIFE IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR IRKED WIFE: Not only is your attitude selfish, it's also unrealistic. Nobody "owns" the name Andrew. If your husband's cousin and his wife want to honor their great-grandfather (or his memory) in this way, they are free to do so, and it should have no impact on what you name your next male child. (If it's a girl, consider naming her "Andrea.")

DEAR ABBY: My sister has three kids whom I love. However, she and her husband seem to need a baby sitter every single day for one thing or another. In my opinion, if you decide to have three kids, you should be able to incorporate them into your lifestyle. But they use sitters to watch two of them, while they take one to soccer practice or go to the grocery store, etc.

I get annoyed because all this baby-sitting falls on my parents, or sometimes me. I had one -- and only one -- kid for a reason. I resent having to still be in baby mode. Am I wrong to feel we are being ... USED IN LOUISIANA?

DEAR USED: No.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 12-year-old boy with some generosity problems. When my neighborhood friends come to my house, I offer them some things (food, mostly) that are strictly off-limits, but it feels necessary.

Also, these friends bully me, and it's against the rules to play with them, but I want to, so I sneak out to do it. I know I'm not doing the right thing, but I can't help it. Can you help me? -- CAN'T SAY NO

DEAR CAN'T SAY NO: I'll try. But first, you will have to understand and accept that "friends" who bully and take advantage of you are not friends. Giving them things that are "strictly off-limits" may seem necessary, but it won't buy real friendship.

Believe it or not, your best friends are your parents. That's why it's important that you level with them about what has been going on. Ask them if they can help you get into after-school activities where you will meet nicer people who might like to be friends with you for no other reason than the fact that you are a nice person, too.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having a problem with my dental hygienist, "Gloria." During my appointments, she engages me in conversation, which invariably lengthens the appointment from a half-hour to a whole hour. She giggles like a schoolgirl and stops multiple times during the cleaning to remove tools from my mouth so we can talk.

I don't want to be rude, but my appointments are on weekdays, and I need to get back to work. Occasionally, I have brought something to read, hoping it would keep Gloria from striking up a conversation, but it never works. I'm now considering changing dentists because I have neither the time nor the patience to deal with her. Please help. -- MIFFED IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR MIFFED: When you go to your next appointment, the first words out of your mouth should be to tell Gloria you don't have time to talk and must be out of there promptly in 30 minutes. If she can't comply, discuss it with your dentist so he/she can "remind" Gloria that her relationship with patients isn't personal, but professional, and discourage the small talk. The dental practice is a business, and if the situation is as you describe, Gloria could book twice as many patients as she's seeing now if she curtails the small talk.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has gained a significant amount of weight, which has changed his appearance. I have to admit I no longer find him attractive and have a hard time even kissing him. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I am turned off physically.

He wants to lose weight, but can't seem to find the motivation, even after visiting with a doctor and a dietician. What can I do when he approaches me for a kiss (or more)? -- ASHAMED IN ALABAMA

DEAR ASHAMED: Tell him what you have written to me. If that doesn't give him motivation, nothing will.