DEAR ABBY: I've been dating a wonderful woman for two years. She has a son in high school I'll call "Jon." Like many teens I see, he is constantly on his smartphone, his school-required tablet or playing video games on the TV in his bedroom.

On a recent vacation, I decided enough was enough. Jon had headphones on and was watching videos online while we were at a restaurant. His mother was on her cellphone as I sat there wondering how long I'd wait. Jon's grades have dropped and he doesn't sleep well. I can see he is so connected to his electronics that he's disconnected from people.

While I don't want to seem controlling, I now feel I have a vested interest in the boy. I care about him and see that the constant stimulation is affecting much of his life. I'm not sure he even knows how to make friends.

Should I push for his TV to be taken out of his room? His mother is excellent at setting her own boundaries, but because of her divorce, I think she's reluctant to set boundaries for him. -- NEEDS HELP IN CHICAGO

DEAR NEEDS HELP: If you haven't discussed your concerns with Jon's mother, you should, because they are valid. If his grades are suffering and he isn't getting enough rest, it's time for her to step up to the plate and start acting like a parent.

When the three of you are having a meal together, the electronics should be put away, and you and your girlfriend should make a point of including her son in the conversation. At his age, he should be informed about and have an opinion regarding current events. As to removing the television/gaming from his bedroom, his mother should warn him in advance that it will happen if his grades don't improve.

Interacting with others doesn't come naturally to everyone. Developing these skills takes practice. Learning to make eye contact, carry on a conversation and pick up on social cues are skills people learn in person, not by texting. This is a conversation I have had with more than one mental health expert, and it's something parents need to remember when interacting with their children.

DEAR ABBY: My husband wants to help in the kitchen with the dishes. Call me stupid to complain, but he is causing me more work, and I don't know what to do.

This is the second marriage for both of us, and I am trying hard to be a kinder, gentler wife. When my husband washes the dishes, pots and pans, he misses spots, sometimes lots of them. Also, he is impatient and doesn't want to wait the three minutes it takes for the hot water to get to the kitchen, so he washes in cold water.

I tell him I will take care of the dishes, but then he gets upset with me. How do I handle this without hurting his feelings or his pride? -- KINDER, GENTLER WIFE

DEAR K.G.W.: Sometimes it's not what we say but how we say it that can hurt someone's feelings or pride. Tell your husband that you love him and know he wants to do this for you, but, respectfully, his "talents" lie elsewhere. Because he is willing to help, entrust him to the important task of doing the rinsing and/or drying.

DEAR ABBY: I recently had to spend a night in the hospital following minor surgery. One of the female techs taking care of me leaned over me to straighten out the bedding and I could see "everything" when the top of her scrubs fell open.

I'm not sure if it was on purpose or by accident. I say this because after the first time, it happened several more times. I only looked the first time out of shock. The other times, I looked away.

Other than saying, "Hey, lady, I can see your boobies when you bend over," what's the polite way to say, "Oops -- wardrobe malfunction"? -- GOT AN EYEFUL IN ILLINOIS

DEAR GOT AN EYEFUL: Since, with luck, you won't have to make another visit to the hospital, I think your question may be moot. However, the discreet way to deal with something like that would be to mention what happened to the head nurse or supervisor and say that it made you uncomfortable.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my early 30s and recently met a very attractive woman my age. We are planning to get married. She wants us to be married as soon as possible because she has been divorced for the last seven years.

My problem is, she's extremely secretive about her past, especially the period between her divorce and our meeting. I have been open with her about my past, but when I ask about hers, she refuses to discuss it and says it has nothing to do with our relationship.

I have a feeling there may be something nasty she's hiding. I'm afraid I'm heading into a trap, but my love for her makes it tough to consider breaking up. Am I being too demanding? -- CONCERNED GUY IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CONCERNED GUY: If your intuition is screaming that your girlfriend's desire for a hasty marriage could spell trouble in the future, you should pay close attention to it. It is not "too demanding" to want to know what one's fiancee has been doing for the last seven years. Under no circumstances should you marry this woman without first talking to a lawyer, who I am sure will suggest doing a background check and/or drafting an ironclad prenuptial agreement.

DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a bridal shower for my nephew's fiancee. My sister-in-law (the future mother-in-law of the bride) also attended the shower. She did not choose any gifts from the bride's registry, but decided instead to give the bride lingerie, including thong underwear. Frankly, I was shocked. I didn't think it was appropriate for either the mother or the future mother-in-law to give such intimate gifts. Am I wrong? -- FLUMMOXED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FLUMMOXED: Shower guests are not restricted to items based solely upon the couple's registry. They can give whatever gift they wish to the bride and groom. Your sister-in-law chose something she thought the bride and groom would enjoy. Please try to be less judgmental and hope she was right.

DEAR ABBY: My wife died of cancer four years ago. She was my best friend, and the pain of losing her was more than I could cope with. I was in a fog for about two years, just going through the motions. Eventually the fear of spending the next 20 to 30 years alone drove me to try internet dating. I met some nice women and some very strange ones, but nothing came of it.

Then a year ago, an old friend introduced me to "Elaine." We hit it off immediately. We share the same interests and offbeat sense of humor, and I have grown fond of her. She's intelligent, kind and easy on the eyes. Our grown kids get along very well.

Our mutual friend told me that Elaine said she loves me and would be thrilled if I proposed -- I guess to encourage me to the next level. My problem is, I'm still in love with my late wife.

If Elaine one day tells me she loves me, how do I respond without hurting her feelings or making her withdraw? I can see myself loving her in the future, but I am still silently mourning my wife. I don't want to chase Elaine away, so please tell me what to do. -- NEW YORK WIDOWER

DEAR WIDOWER: You and Elaine appear to have a communication problem. You are both adults. If she has fallen in love with you, you shouldn't have to hear it from a mutual friend.

You owe it to her to have a frank talk with her because she needs to know that you don't intend to remarry until you are over the loss of your late wife. She may decide to stick it out and wait or, as you say, decide to move on. But at least she'll know what she's dealing with.

It might also be a good idea for you to consult a grief therapist. Because if you do, it may make it easier for you to move forward with your life.

DEAR ABBY: Our friend's adult children invited us to a birthday party they were throwing for their parent at a restaurant. As we were ordering, the server asked if the checks would be separate or couples. (This was our first clue that we were expected to pay for our dinner.) For us, it was no problem, but an elderly couple had a long discussion about how they would pay.

When inviting guests to a party, is it proper to expect them to pay for their dinner? And if so, how should it be phrased in the invitation? If no mention is made, how would one inquire as to how the bill is handled?

This has never come up before. Hosts (including us) have always picked up the tab. -- CAUGHT OFF GUARD IN OHIO

DEAR CAUGHT OFF GUARD: How embarrassing for that older couple, not to mention your friend.

Unless it is discussed or agreed upon beforehand, a host is expected to pick up the check. (That's what "host" means.) If guests will be expected to pay for their own drinks (or meals), then the occasion is a "no host" gathering. That the guests were expected to pay for their own meal should not have been announced at the last minute; it should have been mentioned when the invitation was issued.

As to how to ask who will be paying when you are invited out, please know that asking that question isn't rude -- particularly in light of what you experienced.