life

Husband Doesn't Share Wife's Dreams of Seeing the World

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 1st, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'll be retiring next year. My husband is already retired. When I do, I want to travel in the U.S. and internationally. We are healthy, able to travel and we have the funds to do it.

The problem is, my husband isn't crazy about traveling. He'll go if I book it, but he fusses the whole time until we go. It's not like he has to do anything. I do all the booking and packing. All he has to do is show up.

I told him one of my bucket list items was to live in Mexico for a month. Because I hate cold weather, I want to live somewhere warm.

Can you give me some advice on this matter? Help me change his mind about seeing the world before we are no longer able to. Or do you think I need to find a travel companion? -- BUCKET LIST IN VIRGINIA

DEAR B.L.: You may need to do exactly that, and the way to change your husband's mind about travel might be to say it. Not everyone has wanderlust. If he's a confirmed homebody who regards travel as a punishment instead of a privilege, you should not have to suffer for it.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Migraine Sufferer Is Shy About Medicating in Public

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 1st, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My doctor prescribed medication to control my migraines, but I have to take the pills four times a day -- at breakfast, lunch, dinner and bedtime. Although I'm not ashamed, I don't want to have to explain why I am taking the medication because I'm afraid there may be a stigma attached to it. I don't know what to do. If I try to vary the times, I end up forgetting to take a pill. What should I do? -- PRESCRIBED IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR PRESCRIBED: Take the medication on time as instructed by your physician. If you need a reminder, program it into your cellphone. There's no more stigma attached to taking medication to prevent headaches than there is in taking it for any other medical reason. If you prefer not to be questioned about it, excuse yourself and do it in the restroom.

Health & Safety
life

Teen Faces Starting High School Without Her Best Friend

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 1st, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Hi. I have a problem. My best friend is moving away to a different state this summer. School is ending soon. She is my only friend, and I'm currently dating her brother. He's the only boy I like, and she is my only friend. I don't know what to do.

I'll be in ninth grade in a couple of months, which means I'll have to start high school without a best friend or a boyfriend. What should I do? I'll be all alone. -- SAVANNAH IN COLORADO

DEAR SAVANNAH: Not quite! A lot of changes occur when students leave the lower grades and start high school. Even established friendships can change. When school begins, many of your classmates will be in exactly the same position as you. If you are friendly, I'm sure you'll find others who will be open to being friendly to you.

Work & SchoolFriends & NeighborsTeens
life

Age Is No Barrier for Man Long in Love With Neighbor

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 31st, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm 36, doing very well in business, single and deeply in love with a 58-year-old woman. She has been a neighbor since I was in grade school. She's petite, pretty, intelligent, cheerful and looks my age.

My parents moved to Florida when I turned 27, and I bought their home just so I could be near her. On my 33rd birthday, I begged her to cook for me. We had dinner and too much wine and ended up in bed. We don't live together, and she often tells me to find a younger woman. I have tried to gift her a car, jewelry, etc., but she has refused them all.

Our families are against this. I'm going crazy trying to convince her I love her. When I told her I've loved her since middle school, she laughed. My parents say I am insane, though they love her dearly. Am I? Help, please. -- IN LOVE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR IN LOVE: Insane? No. When people are in love, they sometimes think emotionally rather than rationally. The 22-year difference in your ages may be why your parents are calling you insane.

Rather than try to "buy" your neighbor's love with gifts, try to get her to tell you how she does feel about you and about what happened the night she cooked you dinner. If it was only because she had too much to drink, she may be embarrassed that things went as far as they did. If it was because the attraction is mutual, you should explain to her that while it may be unusual, these kinds of relationships can be successful if both parties are mature. Example: The president of France, Emmanuel Macron, and his first lady.

Friends & NeighborsLove & Dating
life

Pet Sitter Is Insulted by Clients Who Try to Wheel and Deal

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 31st, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a full-time pet and livestock sitter. I work seven days a week, including holidays, sometimes for weeks at a time, in clients' homes caring for their animals. I have 40 years of care experience, and I'm recommended by every veterinarian in the area. I have worked very hard to build my reputation, and I charge reasonable prices.

On occasion, a client wants a "deal" and tries to bargain down my already reasonable fee. It is nearly always attorneys (who also look for a reason to be disappointed after the fact, but fail) or extremely wealthy people. I try hard not to show how insulting their request is, especially when someone's front gate costs more than my annual income. Sometimes I'll bend, but then I kick myself for doing it. (I am working hard to quit doing that.)

Why should it cost me money to care for someone else's animals and home? I need a polite, respectful and definite comeback to decline making deals. -- PET SITTER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR PET SITTER: Try this: "I'm the best. My prices are firm. If you're looking for a bargain, hire someone else. Plenty of people will accept what you're offering. But remember, you get what you pay for."

MoneyWork & School
life

Pregnant Bride Puzzles Over What Kind of Shower to Have

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 31st, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: In the midst of planning my wedding, I got pregnant. My family wants to plan for a combination bridal/baby shower, but my mother thinks I should only have a baby shower because I will receive gifts at my wedding. What is your take on this? -- UNSURE IN TEXAS

DEAR UNSURE: I agree with your mother for the reason she gave you. You will need baby things in the near future. Your wedding will effectively be your wedding shower.

Etiquette & EthicsHolidays & Celebrations
life

Family's Disapproval Stops Woman From Opening Up

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 30th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a pansexual female and open about it with my friend and also my brother. The rest of my family is super Christian. I tried to bring up the "gay" word, but they're all against it and have strong opinions about the subject.

I just want to feel accepted for who I am, and not keep anything from them. I need your opinion on when I should tell them -- or should I just not tell them at all? Your help would be appreciated. -- PANSEXUAL IN THE USA

DEAR PANSEXUAL: According to Wikipedia, the definition of pansexuality is "the sexual, romantic or emotional attraction toward people regardless of their sex or gender identity." While it may be empowering for you to disclose this information, it should be clear to you that your family -- with the exception of your brother -- is not open to hearing it. Respect that.

However, you are free to live your life, so live it and be happy. You do not need their approval and you shouldn't let their approval -- or lack thereof -- affect how you live.

Family & ParentingSex & Gender
life

Family Business Doesn't Have Room for Mom

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 30th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I own a coloring business. We color unicorns and rainbows and other pictures. They are beautiful and sell well.

Recently, my mother-in-law started begging us to let her join our team. Abby, I'm sure she would do fine and that she could color within the lines, but we do not need any help.

My husband suggested hiring her to run errands -- to buy crayons and coloring books, perhaps -- but I doubt she would be satisfied with that. I love our company as it is now. What do you think we should do? -- COLORING FOR YOU

DEAR C.F.Y.: Because you love your company "as it is now," do not hire your mother-in-law to fill a job that doesn't need filling. To do so would be a recipe for disaster, because getting rid of her would cause lasting hard feelings. Instead, you and your husband should explain that "the company" doesn't need another colorist right now, and see if you can help her find a part-time job elsewhere if she needs money or has time to fill.

Work & SchoolFamily & Parenting
life

Family Wonders What to Do With Deceased Relative's Social Media Accounts

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 30th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: We recently lost a beloved family member. My question is, how long do I wait before we deactivate his email and Facebook accounts? Some people say immediately, or wait a year. Others have said to leave them active indefinitely.

Do I need to send a message to his Facebook friends in advance? Also, would it be offensive or tacky if I downloaded pictures from his Facebook account and cellphone before we deactivate everything? There are some pictures of my nieces and nephews I would like to keep. -- HOW LONG DO I WAIT?

DEAR HOW LONG: There are no hard and fast rules covering a situation like this. Some people deactivate the accounts immediately. Others leave them live indefinitely. However, you might wish to post a comment to the effect that, "For those friends who might not know, our beloved 'Joe' passed away on (date of death)."

Death

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