life

Classmate Won't Stop Bullying Despite Pleas From Her Friend

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 27th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing because I see a lot of bullying going on at school. One of the bullies is a friend of mine and I've asked her to stop, but she doesn't listen. How I can get through to her so she understands that she's hurting someone's feelings? She treats people like they don't have feelings, like they are non-human. If you can't answer this letter, I'll understand, but if you find the time, I would greatly appreciate it. -- NOT A BULLY IN INDIANA

DEAR NOT A BULLY: People bully others for a variety of reasons. Among them, because they are angry and enjoy taking it out on others, because they themselves have been bullied, because it gives them a sense of power, or simply because they enjoy it. Not knowing your "friend," I can't guess what's driving her behavior. I suggest that you ask her what her reason is and after you hear her answer, you re-evaluate whether to distance yourself from her because, with bullies, the target can change and no one is safe.

Friends & NeighborsWork & School
life

Mom Objects to Lax Rules at Grandparents' House

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 27th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: We set limits on our son's screen time at home. My mother-in-law lets him have quite a bit more screen time when he visits her. My husband thinks grandparents should have the right to determine everything about how they treat and care for their grandchildren. What do you think? -- MOTHER IN BOULDER, COLO.

DEAR MOTHER: I think grandparents should respect the rules that parents set for their children because there are usually good reasons for them. I also think that for your in-laws to ignore your wishes as they have been doing is disrespectful, and your husband should consider that before concluding that his parents have the right to ignore them.

Etiquette & EthicsFamily & Parenting
life

Mystery Surrounds Save-the-Date Card From Unknown Couple

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 27th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: A couple of months ago my husband and I received a very nice "save the date" for a wedding in August in a town nearby. There were many nice photos of the engaged couple on the card. The problem is, we have no idea who they are.

We called our families to ask if they had received one too, thinking maybe it was a long-lost relative. I even went so far as checking social media, thinking we might have friends in common, but we don't. I'm hoping the actual invitation may offer more clues, but I don't think it will.

While this was clearly addressed to us, my fear is that it was intended for someone else who may not be "saving the date" and it may cause some tension within their family. What would be proper when the invitation arrives? Do I check "will not attend" and send it back, or should I include a note with an explanation? -- SAVE THE DATE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR SAVE THE DATE: You are a nice person. A simple "regret that we cannot attend" should be sufficient and by all means include the note.

Etiquette & EthicsHolidays & Celebrations
life

While Wife's Sex Drive Races, Husband Is Stuck in Neutral

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 26th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I've been married almost four years. My husband and I are both barely 40, still quite young, but we have sex only once or twice a month. Our relationship is great, and we love each other. I just wish we had sex more often. I've told him I would like more, but it stays the same.

When we talked about past relationships, he mentioned women hounding him to have sex, so I don't think it's me. I don't want to cheat, but I'm afraid I eventually will if my needs are not met. I don't want to leave him, but I don't want an almost sexless marriage.

He's a very masculine man, so I don't know how to ask him to go to the doctor to get something to increase his sex drive. Should I do that? Or should I get things to supplement our sex, like toys? -- NEEDS MORE IN FLORIDA

DEAR NEEDS MORE: You appear to have married a very masculine man who has a very low sex drive or who may be borderline asexual. If marital aids would help you, by all means get some. You should also have a frank talk with your husband and suggest he consult his physician about the discrepancy in your sex drives.

Marriage counseling might help to improve your level of communication, but if none of the above work, you will have to decide if you are prepared to live with the situation as it is.

Sex & GenderMarriage & Divorce
life

Grandma Gets an Eyeful Reading Daughter-in-Law's Twitter Postings

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 26th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I just stumbled upon my daughter-in-law's Twitter account. She has posted half-naked pictures, talked about all the drinks she was consuming, and said that if she didn't have a child, she'd be gone. The language she used would make a sailor blush.

I baby-sit for her, and I was shocked, to say the least. I foolishly posted a shocked cat on Facebook, stating that "this is me reading your Twitter account."

My son is now upset with me that I read her Twitter posts. I am not sure he had seen them. I saved them on my computer, which he picked up when he was here and ran through my history.

I know I didn't handle this the right way, but she was saying she starts drinking at 7 a.m., and that "moonshine wasn't working anymore." I am truly concerned about the baby. What can I do to repair this situation? -- SHOCKED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR SHOCKED: If that post was public, then anyone could see it. Your son may be embarrassed that you saw how dysfunctional his marriage is, and that's why he is misdirecting his anger toward you rather than where it belongs.

If your daughter-in-law is drinking from the moment she wakes up, she's in no condition to be caring for a baby. If she is using something stronger, you need to remind your son that the child's welfare must come first. If your statement is ignored, you will have to decide whether to involve child protective services.

Health & SafetyFamily & Parenting
life

New House Responsibilities Put Wife Down in the Dumps

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 25th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband decided to buy a house. I never wanted one and now I'm depressed.

I am thankful that my husband provides for the family and puts a roof over our heads, but now that we are in our house, my days are spent doing chores, yard work, and cleaning, cleaning and cleaning. This is why I never wanted the responsibility of a house. I don't have time for my family because I'm so busy maintaining this house I never wanted.

I have been distant from my husband because I secretly despise him for putting me in this position when he knew it wasn't what I wanted. Am I being selfish? -- DON'T WANT THE RESPONSIBILITY

DEAR DON'T: Selfish? No. Passive-aggressive, yes. The problem with passive aggression is that the problem never gets resolved. If you feel you have too much on your shoulders, tell your husband how you are feeling so he can either help you with the chores, or hire someone to do the yard work and some of the cleaning.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Volunteer Who Gives Time and Money Doesn't Want to Take Constant Criticism

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 25th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I love helping others, but I'm ready to quit every volunteer job I have. I'm tired of people who are not volunteers telling me I am doing my job wrong.

When you volunteer, you are given training on how to do your job. You drive to the site using your own gas, spend your time helping others, and a lot of times you spend your own money to obtain the supplies you need to do the job. I could be spending my time -- and resources -- doing things like shopping or getting my nails done.

Volunteers don't want to do all of that only to hear how we're not doing the job right, suggestions on how to do it better or complaints that we didn't do enough. I am so sick of people who delight in telling you that you're not doing enough. I can't save the world, but I can help one person each day. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. -- SOUNDING OFF IN TEXAS

DEAR SOUNDING OFF: You're welcome. That's what I'm here for. I hope writing this has made you feel better. Now get back to work, because what you do is important.

Work & School
life

Tattooed Worker Has Second Thoughts About Taking Time Off for More Ink

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 25th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am tattooed. I started getting inked when I was 22. I am now 31.

Recently, I decided to get an extensive design on my left arm. It will take four sessions to complete. The first session is scheduled on a Tuesday, not normally my day off. I can use PTO hours to cover it, but what do I say when -- and if -- management notices my ink, puts two and two together, and realizes I took time off for this? -- INKED IN INDIANA

DEAR INKED: If that happens, you should tell the truth -- that you took PTO for a personal errand. That's what personal/paid time off is for.

Work & School

Subscribe

Receive Dear Abby Free Every Day


Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Too Old
  • Lukewarm Water
  • Happy Place
  • Adult Child Is Asked to Convey Angry Messages Between Divorcing Parents
  • Prankster's Humor Doesn't Impress New Girlfriend
  • Woman Fails to Act Her Age According to Son and DIL
  • Toy Around
  • A Clean Getaway
  • Patio Appeal
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2023 Andrews McMeel Universal