DEAR ABBY: My husband decided to buy a house. I never wanted one and now I'm depressed.

I am thankful that my husband provides for the family and puts a roof over our heads, but now that we are in our house, my days are spent doing chores, yard work, and cleaning, cleaning and cleaning. This is why I never wanted the responsibility of a house. I don't have time for my family because I'm so busy maintaining this house I never wanted.

I have been distant from my husband because I secretly despise him for putting me in this position when he knew it wasn't what I wanted. Am I being selfish? -- DON'T WANT THE RESPONSIBILITY

DEAR DON'T: Selfish? No. Passive-aggressive, yes. The problem with passive aggression is that the problem never gets resolved. If you feel you have too much on your shoulders, tell your husband how you are feeling so he can either help you with the chores, or hire someone to do the yard work and some of the cleaning.

DEAR ABBY: I love helping others, but I'm ready to quit every volunteer job I have. I'm tired of people who are not volunteers telling me I am doing my job wrong.

When you volunteer, you are given training on how to do your job. You drive to the site using your own gas, spend your time helping others, and a lot of times you spend your own money to obtain the supplies you need to do the job. I could be spending my time -- and resources -- doing things like shopping or getting my nails done.

Volunteers don't want to do all of that only to hear how we're not doing the job right, suggestions on how to do it better or complaints that we didn't do enough. I am so sick of people who delight in telling you that you're not doing enough. I can't save the world, but I can help one person each day. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. -- SOUNDING OFF IN TEXAS

DEAR SOUNDING OFF: You're welcome. That's what I'm here for. I hope writing this has made you feel better. Now get back to work, because what you do is important.

DEAR ABBY: I am tattooed. I started getting inked when I was 22. I am now 31.

Recently, I decided to get an extensive design on my left arm. It will take four sessions to complete. The first session is scheduled on a Tuesday, not normally my day off. I can use PTO hours to cover it, but what do I say when -- and if -- management notices my ink, puts two and two together, and realizes I took time off for this? -- INKED IN INDIANA

DEAR INKED: If that happens, you should tell the truth -- that you took PTO for a personal errand. That's what personal/paid time off is for.

DEAR ABBY: I recently had sex. Afterward the man told me he had an STD. He then proceeded to explain why he told me after instead of being upfront with me. I'm paranoid about that kind of thing, and he knew it before we became intimate.

Now I'm worried I have it too, and I'm breaking up with him because of it. I feel he should've told me first and left the choice to me if I wanted to risk getting his STD or not. I'm angry and upset. I don't know how to go about talking it out with him and maintain the friendship between his son and mine.

When is the right time to tell someone you've got an STD? And how can I maintain my kid's friendship, because he doesn't have many friends? -- PARANOID IN ARIZONA

DEAR "PARANOID": You are not the least bit paranoid to be concerned that this man may have passed his STD along to you. What he did shows a distinct lack of character. I agree the choice of whether to pursue a sexual relationship should have been made after you were fully informed. If you haven't told him that already, you should, because all of your feelings are justified.

If you feel you must continue to have him in your life so your son can have his son for a friend, I suppose you can do that. But do it on a strictly platonic basis.

Your next step should be to consult your doctor and get yourself tested so you can get on meds if you need them.

DEAR ABBY: As an aging adult, I have encountered a situation for the first time that I'm sure will come up again. An acquaintance has just passed away. It was someone I didn't know well. We would like to send a donation to honor the deceased. However, the only organization mentioned in the obituary is one we cannot support. Should we ignore our beliefs and honor the individual, or is there some other way to honor the person while maintaining (and funding) our "side" of this issue? -- FIRST-TIME DILEMMA

DEAR F.T.D.: You do not have to send a donation to the organization mentioned in the announcement. Another way to honor the deceased would be to write a short note to the family expressing how much you admired their loved one and offering condolences.

DEAR ABBY: I know some of your readers have middle school, high school and/or college yearbooks -- theirs or a relative's -- they no longer want to keep. Instead of throwing them away, I'd like to offer the following options: (1) If the school still exists, see if they want it; (2) ask if the school's alumni association would like to have them; or (3) offer them to the local library for its local history section.

This will save space in the landfills and allow future generations to know what the school was like before they were born. -- LARRY IN GRAND, TEXAS

DEAR LARRY: I'm not letting go of my yearbooks (memories, memories!), but those are good suggestions, and I'm sure some of my readers will appreciate them. Thanks for writing.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 43 years died nine months ago after losing her four-year battle with cancer. I met a woman who had also experienced tragedy in her life, and we started seeing each other casually. When my wife's three sisters found out, I became the outcast. Why do people think there is a set time to grieve? Life is too short to sit and pine. Memories will always be there.

This woman has brought me out of my depression and sorrow. I can't understand how people I thought cared for me could be so mean. I was told by the pastor and hospice counselor that grieving takes time, but what is enough time? I was also told to look at the marriages of these women. When I did, I realized that they were unhappy in their unions and probably don't want anyone else to be happy. So what do I do now? -- OUTCAST IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR OUTCAST: You have had more than four years to grieve your late wife's illness and death. Now go on with your life and don't look back.

There's a story in the book of Genesis about a man named Lot, whose wife looked back during the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah and was turned into a pillar of salt. What I take from the story is that sometimes it isn't healthy for people to spend a lot of time looking backward, because if you do, you too can become "frozen" and unable to move forward with your life.

DEAR ABBY: One of my co-workers, "Bob," has the same bad habit as I do -- smoking. (I know smoking isn't good for me and I have tried to quit several times. One day I will, but not just yet.)

Bob has been bumming cigarettes from me two to three times a day, five days a week, since I started here over a year ago. He's always asking me or another co-worker. He never buys his own. Strike that! He has bought two cartons about eight months apart to "thank me" for giving him cigarettes, but in the end, I smoked only one pack total out of both cartons. It's like he gave them to me so I could ration them to him.

My problem is, Bob is the vice president of the company, and I'm the receptionist. There's a huge salary gap between our positions. How can I respectfully tell him I can no longer afford his habit and mine, and that he should support his own habit?

I have tried to think of different ways to say it, but our cultures are different as well, and I don't want to come across as disrespectful and end up not getting promoted -- or worse, lose my job. -- TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF IN SUGAR LAND, TEXAS

DEAR TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF: Sometimes what we regard as a problem is actually an opportunity. Because you feel that refusing to be your boss' supplier could jeopardize your job, the safest way to handle this would be for you to quit smoking now.

Talk to your doctor (who will be thrilled, I'm sure) about a nicotine withdrawal system to help ease you through the withdrawal. Then, when Mr. VP asks to bum his next cigarette, give him a smile along with the good news that you're kicking your addiction and suggest he join you.