DEAR ABBY: My sister "Maddy" is in 12th grade and will graduate soon. Over the last two years, we have grown really close -- from eating Chinese together every other day, to going shopping together. We have the closest relationship in the family, and I consider her to be my best friend. Although I have many close friends, her being my sister makes her the closest to me.

Lately I've been mad at her. I thought for a while it was because she got a boyfriend, but her boyfriend is like a brother to me and we get along great. After hearing her say, "Only a couple of more months 'til I'm done with school forever," I have realized I'm mad because she's graduating soon.

I have two younger sisters, but we aren't nearly as close as Maddy and I are. For the past month, I've been saying no when Maddy and her boyfriend ask me to hang out with them. I'm afraid that because of this I'm going to lose the bond I have with my sister.

I don't want her to graduate because it means she'll be moving away, and I won't get to see my best friend every day. I don't know whether to be happy about her graduating, or angry. Please help me. -- MIXED UP IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR MIXED UP: Try to be happy for your sister. Explain to Maddy why you have been behaving the way you have so she will understand.

From your description of your emotions, it appears you may be suffering from a version of empty-nest syndrome. It's a malady that often strikes parents when their child is about to "launch." An effective way to counteract it is to find activities you enjoy and keep yourself busy so you will have less time to brood.

Another thought: This is now your chance to be the supportive oldest sister in the house, and to forge a closer relationship with your younger siblings. It's an opportunity that may reap big dividends in the future, so please don't waste it.

DEAR ABBY: The daughter of a friend of more than 20 years is getting married next year. They live 1,400 miles away. She told me yesterday that I am invited to the wedding, but my live-in boyfriend is not. Her explanation is she has to control the costs. She told me a mutual friend's husband isn't invited, either.

Including the price of a gift, it would cost me around $900 to attend the wedding. She had implied that wedding gifts should be in the range of $200 to cover the expense of the food and drink.

I have decided to decline the invitation because my boyfriend can't come. What would an appropriate gift be? -- STAYING PUT IN WISCONSIN

DEAR STAYING PUT: According to the rules of etiquette, because you don't plan to attend the wedding, no gift is required. However, in light of your more than 20-year friendship, consider sending a token gift to the daughter -- the price range is up to you.

Readers, there is a common misconception that the price of wedding gifts must be in line with what the hosts spend on the food and beverages at the reception. According to Emily Post, that is a "modern myth," and "the amount you spend is strictly a matter of your budget."

DEAR ABBY: I lost my husband a few years ago and am now remarried. Some of my adult children, although they did not want me to be alone and they "say" they are happy for me, have been slow in welcoming my new husband.

I in no way expect him to be a replacement for their father. I only wish they would welcome him into their lives as they would anyone else's spouse. They don't have to love him. I ask only that they respect him and acknowledge that he's part of my life now. Wishing him a happy birthday and happy holidays directly would go a long way to making him feel accepted, as would more general communication.

He has tried on numerous occasions to show an interest in their lives, but he receives little acknowledgment in return. His children have welcomed me into their lives. This has strained and changed my relationship with my children.

I just want a family again. Is it asking too much of them to accept my husband as part of the family and to treat him that way? -- MISSING MY FAMILY IN FLORIDA

DEAR MISSING: Have you told your children that the cool reception they have given your husband is harmful not only to him but also to you? If you have and they are still unable to warm up to him, it's time to concentrate your efforts on building closer relationships with those relatives who are willing to be more welcoming.

Remember, we can't change other people. We can, however, change ourselves, and by doing so, change the way we react to them.

DEAR ABBY: I have a family dilemma. We employ our 16-year-old niece to watch our boys, ages 8 and 10, during the summer and school breaks. We pay her well to come to our home and watch them eight hours a day.

My problem is, her younger brother is my son's best friend. He gets invited to their house for a sleepover the day before we need a sitter, and both boys go. Then the next day their mom says our niece watched them, and therefore she should get paid for that day, too. Abby, the mom is there all day.

To me, a cousin sleepover isn't something that should be charged for. Their children have come to our house for years for sleepovers, and I never charged them.

Is this OK? And if not, how do we refuse? We have already told her we prefer the boys to be watched at our home, so they receive one-on-one time. What do you think about this? -- COUSIN SLEEPOVER

DEAR C.S.: What do I think? I think you have been taken advantage of. A baby sitter is hired when there is no adult in the home to supervise the children. If your nephew's mother can't be home when your boys have been invited for a sleepover, the person who should pay for the baby sitter is her -- not you. If you want to put an end to this, tell the woman exactly what I have told you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a step-grandfather. Must I go to a grandchild's church performances even though I'm an atheist? -- COMMAND PERFORMANCE IN OREGON

DEAR COMMAND: If you want a close and loving relationship with your grandchild (notice I didn't say "step-"), you should absolutely be present to encourage and support that child!

DEAR ABBY: I have known this guy "Noah" for six years. We're mostly just friends with benefits, but I've always had deeper feelings for him. I always wanted to see where things could go between us, so I mentioned it to him. He told me that if he didn't already have a girlfriend, he would have dated me. So when they broke up, I waited patiently.

I continued being a good friend to Noah, giving him advice and putting my own feelings off to the side. Then just when I felt us getting to another level in our relationship, he told me he had another girlfriend and we needed to stop. I would never sleep with a guy who is with someone else. I'm not that type of girl.

What should I do? I'm confused and hurt at the same time. Should I bring up my feelings again? Just let him go? Or should I keep him in my life, but in a friend-only way? -- JUMBLED EMOTIONS

DEAR JUMBLED: I don't blame you for feeling confused. When someone's words and actions don't match, something is wrong. If Noah had been honest, you would have had your chance with him.

I vote for letting him go because you want more than he's apparently able to give. If you do, it may hurt for a while, but it will make it easier for you to find someone who can love you back.

DEAR ABBY: We recently lost one of our cherished pets, our oldest cat, Mandy. We never had children, so our pets are our children.

I get that people who have never had pets don't understand the joy and unconditional love they can bring. But I don't understand why people we thought were close to us haven't acknowledged our loss in any way. Some of them have -- or had -- pets at one time. A few did send cards or emails, and they were so appreciated. Their kindness will never be forgotten.

Mandy wasn't sickly. She just stopped eating one day. When we took her to the vet a few days after trying everything we could think of, the diagnosis was kidney cancer. A couple of days later we had to make the heartbreaking decision to put her to sleep.

My question is, am I expecting too much of people? After all, you wouldn't ignore the death of a human child. I'm not only disappointed but resentful that these so-called friends and family don't seem to care.

I suppose to some Mandy was "just a cat." But to us, she was our beloved furry child and we are devastated. Please inform people that a kind word or short note would mean the world to people like us who are suffering real grief. -- DEEPLY GRIEVING IN ILLINOIS

DEAR DEEPLY GRIEVING: Please let me offer my condolences for the loss of Mandy. I know from personal experience what you are going through, and it is very painful. That's why I'm reminding readers that when they hear of someone losing a beloved pet, the kindest thing one can do is to offer sympathy with a phone call, an email or a card. Believe me, the effort will be appreciated and never forgotten.