DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old girl, and I'm struggling with abuse. I'm mentally and physically abused by my family constantly, yet they make me out to be the abusive one. I could do amazing on a test, and they yell at me for something that happened on the last one. They're always pushing me so hard to do better that it's making me do worse.

How can I make my family see that I'm not them, and I can do good if they just give me the chance to learn from my mistakes? -- STRUGGLING IN WISCONSIN

DEAR STRUGGLING: Parents always want their children to perform to their level of capacity. Because you say you are being abused physically and emotionally for your inability to live up to your family's expectations, discuss what's going on with a counselor at your school. It's possible there needs to be an intervention by someone they will listen to. Please don't wait to do it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of three years has visits with his son every Tuesday and Thursday evening. My mother-in-law picks up her grandson, takes him to her home and makes dinner for the three of them. I work 10-hour days Monday through Friday and am not able to attend these dinners.

My question is, isn't it proper etiquette that my mother-in-law should send a plate of food home for me with my husband? She never has, and I think this is rude and inconsiderate of her. What is your opinion? -- HUNGRY IN EL PASO

DEAR HUNGRY: Although brief, your letter speaks volumes about your relationship with your mother-in-law, which appears could be better. No rule of etiquette dictates that she is obligated to send a plate of her food home with her son for you. Perhaps if your relationship with her was warmer, or your husband was thoughtful enough to suggest it, she would. However, since you asked, my opinion is that rather than complain, you should pick up some take-out on your way home from work.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 22-year-old college student on the verge of graduating this May. I've been dating my boyfriend for more than five years, and I am extremely close with his family, especially his sister "Claudia" and her three children (ages 6, 3 and 6 months).

My parents are throwing me a graduation party at their home, and they don't want any guests under the age of 10. How do I tell Claudia -- a dear friend -- that her children won't be invited without upsetting her? (I have small cousins who won't be attending either.)

It truly is nothing personal, but I know she will probably take it personally. I don't want to cause drama, but I do want to honor my parents' wishes that no small children be present. How do I tell her? Help! -- SOON-TO-BE GRADUATE

DEAR SOON-TO-BE GRADUATE: You are not hosting the party; your parents are. As the hosts, it is their privilege to decide whom to invite -- or not. When Claudia is invited, your parents should explain that they prefer children under the age of 10 not be present, and soften it if necessary by explaining there are small nieces and nephews who will not be attending as well.

DEAR ABBY: My son "Jake" was born last June. His father was a good friend who I thought I loved and that he loved me. The day I told him I was pregnant, he disappeared.

Our baby boy just passed away from SIDS. I'm struggling with Jake's loss and planning his funeral while taking care of my 5-year-old son. Jake's father had his mother call and threaten me. She said, "His name better not be listed anywhere in the obituary!"

I'm at a loss about how to deal with both of them. I did not list the father's name anywhere, but it was my choice. After the funeral I'm not sure if I want to see either one of them ever again. Any advice? -- GRIEVING IN COLORADO

DEAR GRIEVING: I am so sorry for the loss of your baby boy. Yes, I do have a word of advice. Even in the midst of your grief, you are thinking clearly. Why you would ever want contact with either of those despicable individuals again is beyond me. Feel free to write them off and go on with your life.

DEAR ABBY: My co-worker and I have been seeing each other for a while now. We are both married. I am separated -- my husband moved out -- while "Chip" is still at home with his wife and kids. He says he loves me and plans on leaving his family.

I have decided I don't want him after all. I have told him to stay with his wife, but Chip keeps wanting to "talk." We see each other at work every day. It's uncomfortable around co-workers.

I've been looking for another job (for other reasons). I feel ashamed, and I don't want to be the "other woman." I don't know whether to wait for him or just walk out. -- LOST IN ARIZONA

DEAR LOST: Chip knows you are ambivalent, which is why he wants to keep talking to you. If you meant what you wrote, that you do not want to be the other woman, then end the affair once and for all and -- as you put it -- just walk out.

DEAR ABBY: I have worked in various retail places for many years. I am surprised at how some parents allow their children to run amok in stores and fail to teach them how to behave in public places.

When this happens, and there's a danger of them running into tables and customers (I have seen it happen), should the employees say something to the children? Or should they notify the manager about the disruptive children, and let the manager talk to the parents or the children? Should it be announced over the intercom that children need to stay with their parents?

What's the best way to handle this common problem? A place of business is not a playground. Dignified paying customers who are there to support the business are offended by the lack of discipline some children are allowed to display. -- PAYING CUSTOMER

DEAR PAYING CUSTOMER: If you take it upon yourself to "correct" the inattentive parent, the person is sure to become defensive. A better way to handle it would be to point it out to the manager of the establishment and let him or her deal with it, because if someone were to be hurt on the premises, there could be legal implications.

P.S. If the children are running around a restaurant, they could trip a server carrying food to a table and cause not only a mess but real harm.

DEAR ABBY: Schoolchildren, especially middle school or high school students who may not be socially adept, often eat lunch alone because they don't know what to do when it comes to joining other kids at the lunch table. My grandson, who is on the autism spectrum, is one of them.

Classmates would be doing a great service if they said, "Hey, 'Josh.' Come sit with me." It's a small way to help others, and they could serve as examples/mentors. Kids with autism or some other challenges can learn socialization from helpful peers who are good in this arena.

It's lonely to eat lunch by yourself. Please encourage your readers to consider this. -- SOMEONE WHO CARES IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SOMEONE WHO CARES: I'm glad to do that. The pain of social isolation can last far beyond the elementary and middle school years and color a person's expectations of rejection into adulthood. Much of it could be avoided if parents took the time to explain to their children how important it is to treat others with kindness.

In recent years, attention is finally being paid to this. A national organization, Beyond Differences, started a program called "No One Eats Alone" that teaches students how to make friends at lunchtime -- which can be the most painful part of the school day. It's their most popular program, and schools in all 50 states participate. For more information about the work they do, visit www.beyonddifferences.org.

It might be helpful if an adult family member discussed your grandson's isolation with a counselor at his school. Some schools have started programs in which children who sit alone are gathered together at lunchtime with a teacher or a school therapist so they are not isolated. This creates a safe space for autistic children. Regardless of how these lunches are organized, the presence of a trained adult is paramount.

DEAR ABBY: My son and daughter-in-law recently had a baby girl. My daughter-in-law and her family have extreme OCD and are afraid of germs. I wash my hands all the time, but still she seems to cringe when I or anyone in my family holds the baby.

I want a relationship with my granddaughter. I have expressed my concern to my son, but I don't want to cause an argument. How can I approach this without causing friction? -- GRANDMA S. IN NEW YORK

DEAR GRANDMA S.: Your daughter-in-law is a brand-new mother. Many new parents are nervous about their babies being exposed to germs.

A way to approach it would be to talk with your daughter-in-law in a non-confrontational way and tell her you have seen her reaction when you hold your granddaughter. Explain that you are careful about hand-washing, and ask if there is anything else she feels you should do. It might make her feel more in control and put her mind at ease.