DEAR ABBY: I am a new mom to a sweet baby boy. I am (or was) very career-oriented and never in a million years thought I would want to be a stay-at-home mom. I will have to return to work shortly, and I'm really struggling.

I have a hard time putting my little one in day care, but I don't have a choice. I have no idea where to begin, how to select the right day care or what questions to ask. Any assistance would be greatly appreciated. -- NEW MOM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NEW MOM: Start by talking to your friends and family, asking if they know of a day care that's good, then make sure that any facility you're considering is licensed. Spend a little time there to see how the caregivers interact with the children.

Go to babycenter.com and search on "daycare." You will find a section on day care centers that will give you the information you need. You should also check with your state's department of social services to be sure no complaints have been filed. I wish you luck in your search.

DEAR ABBY: Over the years the people closest to me (immediate family, friends and a few ex-boyfriends) have given me every reason not to trust anyone much.

About a year ago I found the courage to date again and met a man who gives me every reason to trust him to the fullest. The problem is, because of my past, I'm having problems doing it. How do I move past my issues and give the relationship I'm in a fair chance before I destroy it? -- GUN-SHY IN MAINE

DEAR GUN-SHY: Considering your history, it makes sense that you are afraid of being hurt or taken advantage of. However, not all people are alike. Allow the relationship more time to develop. Don't be afraid to talk things out with him rather than react by jumping to conclusions and/or making accusations.

Listen to what he says and watch what he does. If the two don't match, regard it as a red flag. However, if they do match, then count your blessings because you may have finally found a winner.

DEAR ABBY: For years I've gone to a neighborhood bar every Friday night for a few hours during cocktail hour. I have recently started using oxygen due to COPD from smoking.

My doctor says I can do anything I feel I'm up to. Well, I'm up to going out to the bar like I used to do. Trouble is, I'm self-conscious about the carrier. It doesn't bother me to go out to stores, etc., but this does. Should I stay home, bored out of my mind, or get on with the life I used to have? -- WANTS TO GET ON WITH LIFE

DEAR WANTS: Your doctor has said you can do what you want. I see nothing to be gained by sitting home alone and becoming depressed. My only concern is that the bar you frequent may be smoky and be problematic for your already-damaged lungs. If the bar is smoke-free, go. But if it isn't, then I'm suggesting you find one that is.

DEAR ABBY: My father died four years ago, leaving my 69-year-old mother alone. My mother has health and mobility issues. Her house is large and has two stories, and it far exceeds her needs. The problem is that she's extremely sentimental about it.

I worry about her being alone because my sister and I live two hours away in opposite directions, and Mother is either unwilling or unable to address the issue of moving closer to me or my sister. Money is not an issue.

I talked with my sister, and we agree that Mom should move closer to whomever she wants. Because of her age, I feel guilty that one of us isn't close by to be there for her. Abby, how does one lovingly and gently nudge a parent to move closer for her own well-being? -- WORRIED IN INDIANA

DEAR WORRIED: You are good and caring siblings, but you cannot live your mother's life for her. There may be more to her reluctance to leave her home than sentimentality. If she has lived there for decades, she wouldn't just be giving up her house, but also her friends and acquaintances, the places she shops, etc. Aside from you or your sister, she would be like a stranger in a strange land.

Because money is not an issue, a caregiver could be hired to provide assistance and companionship for your mother if her health and mobility reach the point that she can no longer live alone. And if her needs become progressively greater, you or your sister should research assisted-living facilities near you and talk to her about moving into one.

DEAR ABBY: I thought I was a pretty good parent, but I am stumped when it comes to my 13-year-old daughter. The latest point of contention is that she has gotten into the habit of telling her father and me to "shut up." She does it when we are playing with each other.

In spite of the fact that I have corrected her and told her it is disrespectful and unacceptable, she insists there is nothing wrong with it. She says that it's just a hang-up that I have and other parents wouldn't care.

I don't care if other parents would allow it or not. She has earned consequences for it, and yet turns right around and implies that my scolding her basically earned my being told to shut up. I can't believe her lack of logic when arguing her point. She's really baffled as to why it is an inappropriate thing to say, and I'm baffled at her obstinance. -- BAFFLED IN TEXAS

DEAR BAFFLED: Explain to your daughter that there are some things teens can say to each other that are inappropriate when said to their parents. ("Shut up!" can be used to express amazement or surprise at hearing something without being meant as disrespectful.) That said, if this expression your daughter uses offends you, she should have enough respect for you that she refrains from using it at home.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, while making a purchase at a local store and handing the cashier my money, she asked, "How many months along are you?" I was confused for a moment, until I realized she had assumed I was pregnant. (I'm not.) When I told her I wasn't, she just shrugged and said, "Oh."

Abby, my feelings were hurt. I will most likely never see that cashier again -- and I do not know her -- but I would like to know how to respond to this in the future. I don't believe people should assume a woman is pregnant unless they know for sure that she is. What she said made me instantly want to lash out. However, I knew that responding with more rudeness would do no good. So, what should I say if this ever happens again? -- NOT PREGNANT IN ALABAMA

DEAR NOT PREGNANT: You handled the situation appropriately. The cashier was presumptuous. If it happens again, either handle it the way you did with that clerk or say, "Why do you ask?" and let the person squirm. The choice is yours.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an eighth-grader with a good life. I go to a good school, have good friends and a happy family. But at school, there is this boy who follows me around. I tell him to stop, but he keeps doing it. When I tell my friends about it, they laugh and think it's funny. I don't feel like it's a joke. It's creepy.

I have tried to tell adults, but they don't do anything. Recently I dyed the tips of my hair blue, and at lunch he walked up, grabbed my hair and felt it. I feel like it was an invasion of my personal space. Because he won't stop following me around and being creepy, my grades have dropped. I'm distracted in class and nervous. What do you think I should do? -- INVADING MY SPACE

DEAR INVADING: If that boy were younger, I would suggest that he has a crush on you. But by the age of 13 or 14, he should have learned what "no" and "stop" means. I don't blame you for being concerned because the young man is acting like a stalker. Nobody has a right to touch you -- or your hair -- without your permission. You have a right to feel safe.

Do your parents know about this? If you told a teacher about what has been going on and were ignored, tell a counselor or the principal of your "good" school about it.

DEAR ABBY: My 30-year-old son insists that I should help pay for the orthodontia he feels he should have had as a child. He is a grown man now with three children of his own, and I am not sure if I, his dad, should financially help him with this. What do you think? -- BRACING FOR AN ANSWER

DEAR BRACING: I am going to assume that when your son was a minor, you could not afford to get him the orthodontia he needed, which is sad. That said, if you wish to help him now and doing so would not put undue financial pressure on you, go ahead and help him out.

However, if you are being guilted into paying because your financially independent son thinks he is "entitled" to it, then forking over the money would be a mistake.