DEAR ABBY: My father died four years ago, leaving my 69-year-old mother alone. My mother has health and mobility issues. Her house is large and has two stories, and it far exceeds her needs. The problem is that she's extremely sentimental about it.

I worry about her being alone because my sister and I live two hours away in opposite directions, and Mother is either unwilling or unable to address the issue of moving closer to me or my sister. Money is not an issue.

I talked with my sister, and we agree that Mom should move closer to whomever she wants. Because of her age, I feel guilty that one of us isn't close by to be there for her. Abby, how does one lovingly and gently nudge a parent to move closer for her own well-being? -- WORRIED IN INDIANA

DEAR WORRIED: You are good and caring siblings, but you cannot live your mother's life for her. There may be more to her reluctance to leave her home than sentimentality. If she has lived there for decades, she wouldn't just be giving up her house, but also her friends and acquaintances, the places she shops, etc. Aside from you or your sister, she would be like a stranger in a strange land.

Because money is not an issue, a caregiver could be hired to provide assistance and companionship for your mother if her health and mobility reach the point that she can no longer live alone. And if her needs become progressively greater, you or your sister should research assisted-living facilities near you and talk to her about moving into one.

DEAR ABBY: I thought I was a pretty good parent, but I am stumped when it comes to my 13-year-old daughter. The latest point of contention is that she has gotten into the habit of telling her father and me to "shut up." She does it when we are playing with each other.

In spite of the fact that I have corrected her and told her it is disrespectful and unacceptable, she insists there is nothing wrong with it. She says that it's just a hang-up that I have and other parents wouldn't care.

I don't care if other parents would allow it or not. She has earned consequences for it, and yet turns right around and implies that my scolding her basically earned my being told to shut up. I can't believe her lack of logic when arguing her point. She's really baffled as to why it is an inappropriate thing to say, and I'm baffled at her obstinance. -- BAFFLED IN TEXAS

DEAR BAFFLED: Explain to your daughter that there are some things teens can say to each other that are inappropriate when said to their parents. ("Shut up!" can be used to express amazement or surprise at hearing something without being meant as disrespectful.) That said, if this expression your daughter uses offends you, she should have enough respect for you that she refrains from using it at home.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, while making a purchase at a local store and handing the cashier my money, she asked, "How many months along are you?" I was confused for a moment, until I realized she had assumed I was pregnant. (I'm not.) When I told her I wasn't, she just shrugged and said, "Oh."

Abby, my feelings were hurt. I will most likely never see that cashier again -- and I do not know her -- but I would like to know how to respond to this in the future. I don't believe people should assume a woman is pregnant unless they know for sure that she is. What she said made me instantly want to lash out. However, I knew that responding with more rudeness would do no good. So, what should I say if this ever happens again? -- NOT PREGNANT IN ALABAMA

DEAR NOT PREGNANT: You handled the situation appropriately. The cashier was presumptuous. If it happens again, either handle it the way you did with that clerk or say, "Why do you ask?" and let the person squirm. The choice is yours.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an eighth-grader with a good life. I go to a good school, have good friends and a happy family. But at school, there is this boy who follows me around. I tell him to stop, but he keeps doing it. When I tell my friends about it, they laugh and think it's funny. I don't feel like it's a joke. It's creepy.

I have tried to tell adults, but they don't do anything. Recently I dyed the tips of my hair blue, and at lunch he walked up, grabbed my hair and felt it. I feel like it was an invasion of my personal space. Because he won't stop following me around and being creepy, my grades have dropped. I'm distracted in class and nervous. What do you think I should do? -- INVADING MY SPACE

DEAR INVADING: If that boy were younger, I would suggest that he has a crush on you. But by the age of 13 or 14, he should have learned what "no" and "stop" means. I don't blame you for being concerned because the young man is acting like a stalker. Nobody has a right to touch you -- or your hair -- without your permission. You have a right to feel safe.

Do your parents know about this? If you told a teacher about what has been going on and were ignored, tell a counselor or the principal of your "good" school about it.

DEAR ABBY: My 30-year-old son insists that I should help pay for the orthodontia he feels he should have had as a child. He is a grown man now with three children of his own, and I am not sure if I, his dad, should financially help him with this. What do you think? -- BRACING FOR AN ANSWER

DEAR BRACING: I am going to assume that when your son was a minor, you could not afford to get him the orthodontia he needed, which is sad. That said, if you wish to help him now and doing so would not put undue financial pressure on you, go ahead and help him out.

However, if you are being guilted into paying because your financially independent son thinks he is "entitled" to it, then forking over the money would be a mistake.

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I plan to be married next year. I met her after she left her husband because he had cheated on her twice. She refuses to tell her daughters that she left their dad because he cheated, so I am doomed to be the "bad guy" for eternity. They think I'm "the man who stole Mama from Daddy." Her youngest (age 25) thinks I'm the devil incarnate and is unbelievably rude to me, no matter who is around. I'm thinking marriage will be hell because she and her mother interact every day. What am I to do? -- BLAMELESS IN THE SOUTH

DEAR BLAMELESS: This is not a question of what "you" should do. It's a question of what you and your fiancee should do together. While it may not be necessary for her to tell her adult daughters that their father was a cheater, and that's the reason she left him, she should definitely call a family meeting and clear the air by telling them that you were not the reason the marriage ended. She should also insist that you be treated with respect -- if not affection.

However, if she's unwilling to do that, then you should seriously consider calling off the wedding because a marriage under those conditions would be miserable for you. Her daughters would guarantee it.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Another Husband in Oregon" (Sept. 3) who wondered about the "man cave" behavior he had observed in his neighbors. I can tell you from personal experience that the appeal of spending long hours working on mechanical things in a garage or workshop in total solitude is strong for many men. Regarding the guy who rebuilt an antique truck from the ground up, if you go to any car show featuring restored cars, you can't help but admire the time, energy, skill and commitment some men put into a restoration. These can be works of art.

Balance is very important to a successful marriage. Before a wife complains about too much time spent in the "cave" (and not all do complain), she should consider the upside. He is safe, he's not blowing family money in a bar or at a blackjack table, and he's not chasing other women. And he just may be creating something unique that will give him great pride and satisfaction. -- PAUL IN WISCONSIN

DEAR PAUL: When I put the question about "garaged husbands" out to my readers, they were forthcoming with their views. The responses -- predominantly from men, but also some of their wives -- were overwhelmingly positive.

While the theory of spending too much time in the garage as a result of being "frozen out of the bedroom" was raised, most readers affirmed the value of having separate time from a spouse -- as long as it is only "spare" time. Wives wrote that it enables them to catch up on reading, shopping, a project with the kids or grandkids, or watch a favorite TV show or movie.

Both spouses extolled the results produced in the "cave" -- restored vintage cars, woodworking items and various repairs. Visiting is permitted, and there's learning to be had for the kids. And, as a number of readers reminded us, "At least you know where he is."