DEAR ABBY: My boss wants to do a day of community service with the staff to help others and improve relationships in the workplace. I thought it was a great idea; a lot of my co-workers were unsure and wanted more information about what specifically we would do. My boss said she would get more information and send it out to us. However, a few of my co-workers are outright opposed to the idea and think they shouldn't be required to do it.

A year ago when this came up, one of them said they shouldn't have to give up their free time. I think it's wrong to turn down a chance to help others when they are able. What should I do to make sure my boss's intentions are understood while not being off-putting or appearing holier-than-thou? -- BLEEDING HEART

DEAR BLEEDING HEART: The person who should be making her intentions clear is your boss. It should not be your responsibility. Frankly, I can see both sides of this question. Some companies do this not only to "do good," but also to build goodwill in the community and team spirit in the office. Usually, participation is voluntary.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. He's eight years younger than I am. We have a great relationship except for our worldviews. While I am liberal, he is very racist. When the subject comes up, our conversations can become very heated.

I believe everyone is entitled to his/her opinion, but both of us have a hard time validating our opinions for each other. My boyfriend never directs his racist comments toward anyone in particular, but it's hard for me not to take it that way.

One of my best friends is African-American, and my son is currently dating someone who is biracial. How do we agree to disagree without anyone being upset or hurt in the end? -- OPEN-MINDED IN INDIANAPOLIS

DEAR OPEN-MINDED: After two years of togetherness, your boyfriend knows full well that one of your best friends is African-American and that your son is dating someone who is biracial. You may never be able to broaden his mindset, but the next time he makes a racist remark, if you haven't already, tell him you don't want to hear it because it makes you uncomfortable.

And while you're at it, make sure he understands that if he says anything that could possibly hurt your friend or your son, the romance will be history.

P.S. You must be desperate for companionship to have tolerated this for two years.

DEAR ABBY: A family member likes to use the toilet as a garbage disposal. I've asked her to please dump the food scraps into a trash bag or pour them out in the backyard, but she prefers the "easy flushing." How do I get her to stop the extra wear-and-tear on our toilet? Plumbers are expensive. -- MONEY DOWN THE DRAIN

DEAR MDTD: Yes, plumbers are expensive. And there's a reason why we are supposed to use receptacles for what they're intended. If you are responsible for the toilet that's being used as a garbage disposal, make sure the family member knows she will be footing the bill for the plumber. However, if the toilet is her responsibility, this may be a lesson she will need to learn -- over and over -- on her own.

DEAR ABBY: My parents have been happily married for more than 30 years. While flipping through an old family album recently, I discovered photos from a wedding many years ago that I had never seen before. Turns out, they were from my father's first wedding. That's when I realized his marriage to my mother was his second wedding.

I'd like to learn more about his first marriage, but it's clearly something from my father's past that I can't talk to him about. I also wouldn't want to sour relations with his side of the family by bringing it up with them. What should I do? -- WANTS TO KNOW MORE

DEAR WANTS TO KNOW MORE: The shortest distance between two points is a direct line. How do you know this is "clearly" something your father won't discuss? If his first marriage was a deep dark secret, those photos would not have been kept in an album. The solution to your question would be to tell him you saw them and ask him to tell you about it. He may have learned lessons from his first marriage from which you could benefit.

DEAR ABBY: I am a man in my late 20s dating my on-and-off-again boyfriend of five years. I dread the parties and family gatherings he brings me to. I'm polite and good at holding conversations, but generally quiet around his friends and family members I don't know well.

He jokingly puts me down at each event and says things like, "Why do I even bring you?" or, "Thanks for not doing or saying anything" (which isn't true). When I tell him afterward that I find his jibes offensive and suggest maybe he should date someone else who doesn't irritate him at social events, he either plays it off as "joking" or says, "Well, it's true."

Any advice on how to handle this situation? -- QUIET ONE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR QUIET ONE: Humiliating someone isn't funny; it is cruel. If the shoe were on the other foot, I'm sure your boyfriend wouldn't like to be on the receiving end. If you have told him you don't like his jibes and want them stopped and yet he persists, handle it by re-evaluating your relationship and looking for someone who is more sensitive to hang out with. If the ridicule happens often, it may be a clue that you are really not compatible.

DEAR ABBY: I lost my mother a month ago. I just could not accept it because she was always there for me through the good and bad times. I would like to know how long my grieving period will last for me. -- SON MOURNING IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SON MOURNING: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother. To answer your question, there is no set timetable for grief, and there are different stages of it. Right now, your grief is intense because it is fresh. With time, that intensity should fade to a level where it is tolerable. A grief support group could provide you the chance to talk about your feelings. Although you will always miss your mother, the sadness of her loss should not rule your life.

DEAR ABBY: My life is boring, repetitive and I am often depressed. I have trouble talking to others, which makes things harder. Every day is the same: Get up, go to a long day of school, come home, do homework, play video games, draw, go to bed.

The weekends aren't much better. My family never does anything, we never go anywhere. I don't have friends (the one I'd consider hanging out with is always busy), and at 15, I can't drive anywhere, get a job or do anything on my own for another year. I have never kissed, dated or even had a crush on anyone (I'm not sure why, it's not like I'm gay or too embarrassed), so I haven't got much to talk about with my peers anyway.

I'm alone. I'm not popular, I'm a complete nerd and I'm afraid to tell others what I enjoy. If I tell anyone I like video games and Dungeons and Dragons, I know I'll be mocked for the next few years of my life.

I'm pretty smart and I do well in school, but I'm not good at much else. My social skills are borderline nonexistent. My entire life is school. I just want some attention, some friends, something to do with my life. I need help, some advice, something, anything! -- BORING LIFE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR BORING LIFE: Having never met you, I can't surmise why you have difficulty interacting with others. However, there is nothing wrong with playing video games unless you substitute them for real-life experiences.

Surely, there are activities at your school that you could join that would give you more contact with your peers -- sports and special interest clubs, such as art, come immediately to mind. If your family belongs to a church, there may be a youth group that would welcome you.

If you need suggestions for finding an activity at school that might be a good "fit," talk to a counselor there. Explain how depressed and isolated you're feeling and ask for help. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

And remember, things will change when you turn 16 and can drive and work.

DEAR ABBY: Many times, my co-workers make grammatical and punctuation errors in emails they send (both internal and external) or misuse words on conference calls. Is it in bad taste to mention to the individuals their misuse of the word "there" versus "their" or "your" versus "you're"? One of the most common spoken grammatical mistakes is, "I seen it" instead of "I've seen" or "I saw." I am not sure if they would appreciate knowing they are misusing words or if they might become offended. -- HELPFUL IN FLORIDA

DEAR HELPFUL: If you see a co-worker consistently make grammatical errors, it would be doing the person a favor to point it out -- once or twice -- in private. However, to continually harp on it would likely cause embarrassment, come across as one-upmanship and cause resentment. The same is true about errors that are spoken.