DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old identical twin. My sister and I are sick of the whole "twin" thing and want to go to separate schools. We really want to be our own people. We have wanted this for a long time now. However, I'm not sure we can because, where I live, you have to go to the school in the town you live in.

Do you have any suggestions on things we can do to make new, different friends, and how we can look different from each other? We are moving this year, so next fall we will be in a new school. -- THE TWIN THING IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR TWIN THING: You and your sister are smart girls. What you want to do will be healthy for both of you, and I congratulate you for wanting to do it. It's important that each of you develop as individuals, and the move will give the perfect opportunity to start.

If you have been dressing alike, make a point of not doing it from now on. If you have been wearing your hair in the same style, change that too. When you enroll in the new school, join separate clubs, go out for different sports, etc. If you do, people will no longer perceive you as molded from the same cookie cutter. Good luck.

DEAR ABBY: As a baby shower gift for my (soon-to-be) grandson, I plan on opening up a UTMA (Uniform Transfers to Minors) account for his college education with a $5,000 initial deposit. My idea is to add $1,000 every year on his birthday for the first five years.

Would it be tacky to challenge, or encourage, his other three grandparents to contribute to the account by matching their contributions every year up to my $1,000? Or would it be better to just tell them my plans and let them know they can also make deposits to the account? I don't know the financial situations of the others, and I don't want to offend anyone. Your thoughts? -- ABOUT TO BE A GRANDPA IN ARIZONA

DEAR GRANDPA: I'm voting for your second idea, for the reason you gave. While the concept of an education fund for your grandbaby is laudable, making it a "challenge" might create financial stress for the other grandparents and be perceived as one-upmanship if they are unable to donate as much to the fund as you do.

DEAR ABBY: An older friend and I have exchanged emails since last spring. Hers have been mostly political and disparaging toward minorities. I asked her to please not send this stuff since we have opposite opinions on the subject, and I don't plan to change my mind. I enjoy our in-person talks because they are nothing like the emails she sends, which are "forwards" somebody else has put together.

I quit reading them, but is there a way to politely stop her from disseminating nasty propaganda? I have tried fact-checking and sending corrections to her and to those on the long list of people she has sent these emails. It doesn't work. -- FACT CHECKER

DEAR FACT CHECKER: Because someone sends you emails does not mean you must read them all. Filter your email so that the political rants go into a special folder, then delete them en masse.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 35 years. Our sex life was never very active, but we have been each other's soul mates and best friends. We had a rough few years early on, but managed to come back together, and our relationship is great.

Recently, while I was setting up new email addresses, I saw some messages he had sent in response to requests from married men looking for sex with other men. I just can't reconcile this with the man I know; however, I'm sure it's true. I'm not sure if I should tell him I know, or if I should try to forget it. After all, I may be the reason he's looking for sexual satisfaction elsewhere. More than anything, I'm surprised he's not looking for a woman. I'm sure confused. What should I do? -- SOUL MATES IN TEXAS

DEAR SOUL MATES: I seriously doubt that this is your fault. Your husband doesn't look for women to satisfy his sex drive because his orientation may be homosexual (or bisexual) rather than heterosexual.

You say you are soul mates and best friends. Soul mates and best friends communicate honestly with each other. I do think you should level with him about what you discovered. Is his having sex outside of your marriage all right with you? If you have had sexual relations with him over the last few years, make an appointment with your doctor to be checked for STDs.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 30-year-old woman who has been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. He's a great guy who treats me wonderfully. I know he sees marriage in our future, and that's where my problem lies.

I've heard the saying that one should only marry someone (or even be with them) if one can't imagine life without that person. Well, if I picture my life without him, I see myself being perfectly fine. Yes, I'd miss him, but I still think I could be happy without him. I don't imagine ever feeling devastated like other people feel when they break up with someone. Is this a sign that something is missing from the relationship? -- STILL ALL RIGHT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR STILL ALL RIGHT: I don't think so. The only thing that's "missing" is the fact that you are not so emotionally dependent on your boyfriend that you couldn't function if something were to happen to him. And in my opinion, that's actually healthy, because relationships and marriages don't last forever, even when we wish them to.

DEAR ABBY: Why is it that when adults are trying to get to know my children, the first thing they want to know is who they have a crush on? Not only is that an extremely personal question, it's also the least significant part of their lives and not something I want them to dwell on.

Ask instead what their favorite subject is, if they read a book recently they enjoyed, what kinds of activities they participate in or clubs they belong to. Please stop telling them that "surely some cute little kid" must have caught their eye. -- WISE ONE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR WISE ONE: I agree. Young children may "like" someone, but may find it embarrassing to talk about. Another question, in addition to the ones you have suggested, might be, "Who are your friends, and what do you like doing with them?"

DEAR ABBY: When my children were small, my husband left me. He married the other woman the day after our divorce was final. It was the worst thing that has ever happened to me, and I suffered greatly in the years that followed.

Recently my brother did the same thing to his wife of many years. I find myself feeling very angry and hurt that he would do this. He said it was wrong when it happened to me, but now he expects me to support his decision to abandon his wife. He also expects me to befriend his new wife.

I can't help but identify with his ex. My heart goes out to her, and I'm furious with my brother and his new wife. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Must my loyalty to my family override my principles? -- LOYAL TO A POINT IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR LOYAL: That you would identify strongly with your former sister-in-law isn't wrong; it is normal under the circumstances. Not knowing how close your relationship is with your brother, I can't decide for you whether blood is thicker than water. But I can certainly understand your distaste at the idea of befriending the woman he cheated with.

Whichever you decide to do, continue to be kind to your ex-SIL. She needs all the emotional support she can get now that your brother is cozily ensconced in his new love nest.

DEAR ABBY: I have been carpooling with another mom for about a year. I pick her kids up from the bus stop and take them home. We help each other out, but I do most of the carpooling because of "Kathy's" work schedule.

Because my daughter "Chris" turned 16, she will be driving to school once the weather improves. I told Kathy we have to discuss the carpool situation. By law, Chris will be allowed to have only one non-family member in the car. She cannot take Kathy's daughter to and from school because Chris will be taking her best friend.

I feel terrible about it. I am a rule follower and don't want to put my daughter in an illegal situation. I believe I have given Kathy plenty of time to figure another way home for her daughter. I'm not sure why I feel so bad and am losing sleep over this. Am I wrong? -- CARPOOLING IN OHIO

DEAR CARPOOLING: You have been a good friend to Kathy, but her daughter is her responsibility, not yours. You are making Kathy's problem your problem, and that is wrong. Now turn over, go back to sleep and let her solve it.

DEAR ABBY: I've often wondered what happens to people with an immediate problem that you are unable to answer in print in a timely manner. For example, a bride with an upcoming wedding, or someone trying to decide where to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas. Do you write them outside of your column? -- JUST WONDERING IN HARRISBURG, PA.

DEAR JUST WONDERING: Yes. Time-sensitive questions are often dealt with separately, apart from my column.