DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 35 years. Our sex life was never very active, but we have been each other's soul mates and best friends. We had a rough few years early on, but managed to come back together, and our relationship is great.

Recently, while I was setting up new email addresses, I saw some messages he had sent in response to requests from married men looking for sex with other men. I just can't reconcile this with the man I know; however, I'm sure it's true. I'm not sure if I should tell him I know, or if I should try to forget it. After all, I may be the reason he's looking for sexual satisfaction elsewhere. More than anything, I'm surprised he's not looking for a woman. I'm sure confused. What should I do? -- SOUL MATES IN TEXAS

DEAR SOUL MATES: I seriously doubt that this is your fault. Your husband doesn't look for women to satisfy his sex drive because his orientation may be homosexual (or bisexual) rather than heterosexual.

You say you are soul mates and best friends. Soul mates and best friends communicate honestly with each other. I do think you should level with him about what you discovered. Is his having sex outside of your marriage all right with you? If you have had sexual relations with him over the last few years, make an appointment with your doctor to be checked for STDs.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 30-year-old woman who has been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. He's a great guy who treats me wonderfully. I know he sees marriage in our future, and that's where my problem lies.

I've heard the saying that one should only marry someone (or even be with them) if one can't imagine life without that person. Well, if I picture my life without him, I see myself being perfectly fine. Yes, I'd miss him, but I still think I could be happy without him. I don't imagine ever feeling devastated like other people feel when they break up with someone. Is this a sign that something is missing from the relationship? -- STILL ALL RIGHT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR STILL ALL RIGHT: I don't think so. The only thing that's "missing" is the fact that you are not so emotionally dependent on your boyfriend that you couldn't function if something were to happen to him. And in my opinion, that's actually healthy, because relationships and marriages don't last forever, even when we wish them to.

DEAR ABBY: Why is it that when adults are trying to get to know my children, the first thing they want to know is who they have a crush on? Not only is that an extremely personal question, it's also the least significant part of their lives and not something I want them to dwell on.

Ask instead what their favorite subject is, if they read a book recently they enjoyed, what kinds of activities they participate in or clubs they belong to. Please stop telling them that "surely some cute little kid" must have caught their eye. -- WISE ONE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR WISE ONE: I agree. Young children may "like" someone, but may find it embarrassing to talk about. Another question, in addition to the ones you have suggested, might be, "Who are your friends, and what do you like doing with them?"

DEAR ABBY: When my children were small, my husband left me. He married the other woman the day after our divorce was final. It was the worst thing that has ever happened to me, and I suffered greatly in the years that followed.

Recently my brother did the same thing to his wife of many years. I find myself feeling very angry and hurt that he would do this. He said it was wrong when it happened to me, but now he expects me to support his decision to abandon his wife. He also expects me to befriend his new wife.

I can't help but identify with his ex. My heart goes out to her, and I'm furious with my brother and his new wife. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Must my loyalty to my family override my principles? -- LOYAL TO A POINT IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR LOYAL: That you would identify strongly with your former sister-in-law isn't wrong; it is normal under the circumstances. Not knowing how close your relationship is with your brother, I can't decide for you whether blood is thicker than water. But I can certainly understand your distaste at the idea of befriending the woman he cheated with.

Whichever you decide to do, continue to be kind to your ex-SIL. She needs all the emotional support she can get now that your brother is cozily ensconced in his new love nest.

DEAR ABBY: I have been carpooling with another mom for about a year. I pick her kids up from the bus stop and take them home. We help each other out, but I do most of the carpooling because of "Kathy's" work schedule.

Because my daughter "Chris" turned 16, she will be driving to school once the weather improves. I told Kathy we have to discuss the carpool situation. By law, Chris will be allowed to have only one non-family member in the car. She cannot take Kathy's daughter to and from school because Chris will be taking her best friend.

I feel terrible about it. I am a rule follower and don't want to put my daughter in an illegal situation. I believe I have given Kathy plenty of time to figure another way home for her daughter. I'm not sure why I feel so bad and am losing sleep over this. Am I wrong? -- CARPOOLING IN OHIO

DEAR CARPOOLING: You have been a good friend to Kathy, but her daughter is her responsibility, not yours. You are making Kathy's problem your problem, and that is wrong. Now turn over, go back to sleep and let her solve it.

DEAR ABBY: I've often wondered what happens to people with an immediate problem that you are unable to answer in print in a timely manner. For example, a bride with an upcoming wedding, or someone trying to decide where to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas. Do you write them outside of your column? -- JUST WONDERING IN HARRISBURG, PA.

DEAR JUST WONDERING: Yes. Time-sensitive questions are often dealt with separately, apart from my column.

DEAR ABBY: I feel like a terrible wife when my husband gets sick -- not majorly sick, but with a run-of-the-mill cold. Men can be terrible babies when they are sick. It is a cold! He's not dying. I happen to have a cold right now, and I am functioning just fine and not moaning and groaning about it.

Also, I am not his mother! When he whines, I shut down or become touchy and crabby. If he doesn't whine, I'm happy to take care of him, but I can't take the time during the day to lie in bed with him (I work from home, so I am accessible to him) to keep him warm. I can't stay up until midnight rubbing his back, and I cannot tolerate the sappy whining.

I made him aware of my disdain for the way sick men behave a number of years ago, but he still acts like the world is ending when he has a cold. How do I tend to him without feeling resentful? -- NOT HIS MOTHER

DEAR NOT HIS MOTHER: Cold season is in full swing now. Your husband didn't catch one on purpose. When people feel fragile they need TLC, and he is no exception.

Here's how to "tend" to him: Keep a supply of chicken soup on hand, and insist he keep drinking it to stay hydrated. (Chicken soup has magical curative powers.) If he has a headache, there are over-the-counter meds he can take, so suggest it when he complains. While you're at the pharmacy, buy a heating pad and an extension cord for him so you can keep working if he has the chills. (You probably caught his cold while you were cuddling.) Sanitize any surface he may have touched.

Even if you aren't feeling sympathetic, try to appear as if you are -- and keep your sense of humor. A final suggestion: Sleep apart until he's no longer contagious, which may give him an incentive to recover faster.

DEAR ABBY: Every year, my adult siblings and mother exchange Christmas gifts. Since my husband died in 2012, my sister has told me she has made a gift in our name to the Muscular Dystrophy Association. She also makes a production of telling this to my children.

Abby, the MDA sends the person in whose name a donation has been made a notification about it, but we have never received a notice of any kind from them. When I contacted them and asked, I was told a donation was never received.

I always give my sister an expensive gift. After finding out what has been going on, I am really upset. Is this acceptable? I have no problem with not exchanging gifts, but this seems to be a way to receive without giving. -- HURT IN GEORGIA

DEAR HURT: Lying is not acceptable, and your sister should be ashamed of herself if that's what has been going on. Tell her that, having received no notification from the MDA acknowledging her donation, you contacted them to ask why and were "shocked" to hear no donation had been made. If she can't produce proof of payment, from now on agree to exchange Christmas cards -- if you're still speaking.