DEAR ABBY: I have known "Kathy" for 13 years. Her parents moved up the street from us when we were both 2. I don't remember much when we were younger, but everyone says we had some good times.

We are now 15 and in our first year of high school. My problem is, Kathy has changed. She started going to the same school I did in eighth grade after having some problems with bullying. The new school didn't help much. She started hanging out with people who weren't good influences, and her attitude started changing.

Then we started high school, and now she acts like she's above me. I'm a polite, quiet and religious person. Kathy swears a lot and doesn't treat me like a friend anymore. Our families are close, and I feel stuck. If our situations were different, I would have never ended up being friends with her. What should I do? -- SOME GOOD TIMES

DEAR SOME GOOD TIMES: Tell your parents how you feel about Kathy and why. Friendships don't always last forever. As time goes by, sometimes people grow apart. If Kathy is unkind to you, you shouldn't be forced to be around her. Because your parents and hers are close, they can socialize as adults, with no offspring involved.

DEAR ABBY: My husband lacks sympathy. When people die, he has the attitude of, "Oh well, people die." I thought he would change once someone close to him died, but his father died a few months ago, and although he shed some tears, he refused to eulogize him at the funeral and is back to his old attitude. His mother is the same way.

Recently, my grown son phoned me in the middle of the night to let me know that his best friend's dad had died. He was very upset and needed to talk. My husband was annoyed that he woke us about someone we didn't even know, and went on to say how ridiculous it was that my son was so upset. I told him that, as a mom, I will talk my son through any problem, whether he agrees with it or not. He just grumbled and went back to sleep.

This is still bothering me. I wonder how my husband will act toward my children if I die first. I worry that he will say "suck it up and stop crying" when they need him the most. I don't think this is worth ending a 30-year marriage over, but it makes me angry that he is so unsympathetic. Any ideas on how I should handle this? -- FULL OF FEELING IN ARIZONA

DEAR FULL: Yes. Outlive him.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a longtime reader and recently I have been reading the archives and find it funny that most requests for advice are relevant even in this day and age. My question is, now that we have caller ID and cellphones, do you still say "hello" when you answer a call? The greeting seems false since you know exactly who is calling you. It could be because I am in my 40s and didn't grow up with cellphones. -- AIMEE IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR AIMEE: The customary greeting is still to say hello. However, because we now have caller ID, which gives us the advantage of knowing who the caller is, many people answer their phones by addressing the person by name (i.e., "Hello, Aimee!").

DEAR ABBY: Many of your published letters come from unhappy married women. Some of them seem unable to get objective advice that would make themselves and their marriages happier. I'm fortunate to be happily married (33 years) to a wonderful woman who has a clear perspective.

Three pearls of wisdom she could share:

1. Don't sulk because your husband can't read your mind. Trust him; he'd like to help. And listen to your tone as you point out how he can.

2. The way you talk about him to your friends is an expression of your fidelity. Talk about him honestly, but with respect. If you do, he'll admire and encourage your close friendships and take a sincere interest in your friends as people. If your MO is to grouse and complain about him, in his mind and heart he will feel you're abandoning him.

3. Be clear that while your husband might say he'd like to treat you like a queen, you're both better off being equals -- partners, side-by-side. In our marriage, there is no "better half." There are two halves.

It's amazing how much joy we have experienced during our years together, based on this simple foundation. My esteem for my wife only grows each year -- something that seems impossible, but then again, fantastic things usually do. -- PETER, A GRATEFUL HUSBAND

DEAR PETER: Thank you for sharing those words of wisdom because they apply to husbands as well as wives. There's a saying: The higher the pedestal, the longer the fall. Partners who treat each other as equals and with respect -- and the key word is "respect" -- usually have long-lasting and happy unions. Those who complain behind a spouse's back, who denigrate rather than elevate, do not make themselves look better or their marriages healthier. I'm glad you wrote.

DEAR ABBY: How do you deal with adult "children" who ignore issues about their health? My 30-something son had a root canal a few days ago. His face is swollen, he has lost sleep and is in pain. His wife has tried everything to get him to get it checked out, and she just called me in desperation.

Why does he do this? It isn't the first time she and others have begged him to take care of himself. She's pregnant and they have two other small kids. He has insurance, so it's not about money. It's just so stressful for those of us who love him. He works for himself and is a high-energy guy and a great dad. -- QUESTIONING MY SON'S SANITY

DEAR QUESTIONING: Some men feel that acknowledging pain is showing weakness. They think that if they just "gut it out" a while longer, things will get better. And while many of them do, many also don't.

Pick up the phone and tell your daughter-in-law to call the dentist who did the root canal and ask whether what her husband is experiencing is normal. And if the answer is that it's not, she should tell her husband that "the surgeon wants him to come in for a recheck" to be sure his wounds haven't become infected.

DEAR ABBY: I am an atheist. My parents, although raised Presbyterian, never to my knowledge participated in organized religion, so it was not part of my upbringing.

Last year my mom started going to church again, and my kids have been going with her. I've always said they can make their own choices and I'd support them.

Mom is about to go south for the rest of the winter and there's no obvious church member the kids can go with, but they'd like to keep attending. Would it be wrong for me to go with them on Sundays, even though I don't believe in the church doctrine and won't be otherwise involved in the organization?

I'm sure I could be unobtrusive, but I'm not sure what to say if someone asks why I'm there -- especially since I'll stop going once my mother returns to town. The kids are tweens and not old enough to go alone. What do you think? -- WHAT'S APPROPRIATE?

DEAR WHAT'S: When people see one another in a house of worship, they usually assume that they are equally religious and that's why they're there. However, if you are asked why you're there, all you have to say is that your children enjoy being there and your mother is away, so you brought them. I don't think it's necessary to announce to anyone that you're an atheist.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is constantly complaining about the cost of groceries. He recently graduated from college and now works in the corporate world making substantially more than he did before. I'm 16 weeks pregnant, but before I quit my job I was working full time and would buy all the groceries. Now that my husband shares an account with me, he constantly makes me feel bad for buying food.

Abby, I'm not talking about $300 a week; it's more like $70 a week for food. Yet he spends twice that amount on beer, video games and lunches for himself. I have told him numerous times how horrible he makes me feel, and have even cried about it, but today he brought up the topic again. He is making me depressed and afraid of buying food for fear of being mocked and "guilted." What am I to do? -- THE COST OF GROCERIES

DEAR COST: Your husband should be ashamed of himself. The next time he complains, stand your ground and tell him in no uncertain terms it's time to grow up and cut it out. He's no longer a kid; he's a married man with responsibilities. Those groceries are feeding his wife and child, and you both need all the nourishment you can get right now.

Also, stress for a woman in your expectant condition isn't good for you or the baby. I think it's time the guilt trip worked both ways, don't you?

DEAR ABBY: Is it appropriate to stay in contact with my former mother-in-law? Her son and I divorced after three years. She was the best thing to come out of the whole fiasco. I don't want to cause friction, but I would like to continue to send birthday and holiday cards. -- DIVORCED WITH NO REGRETS

DEAR DIVORCED WITH NO REGRETS: I can't see how a holiday card relationship with your former mother-in-law would cause friction. However, because you are concerned, the person to ask would be the lady herself. If she would welcome the attention from you, then send them.