DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old woman, and I know I should have a lot more patience than I do right now. I'm happily married with two beautiful children. After work when I return home, I'm fine for the first hour or so. But if my children start to get loud or keep asking me to do something, I get extremely aggravated.

My children are young and I love them, but I should be in more control of my temper toward them. I feel so bad when I lose it and shout at them. What can I do to improve this? -- SHORT FUSE IN GEORGIA

DEAR SHORT FUSE: I'm glad you asked, because it is important that you learn to relieve your frustration without taking it out on your children. There are healthy ways of managing frustration without exploding.

The first is to recognize that you are becoming upset. Leave the room and, if your husband is home, go for a walk or a short run to help you to regain your perspective. Another technique is to "stall" before reacting. Pause for a moment and say a prayer, "Please Lord, don't let me lose my temper!" before opening your mouth. My booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With it," contains a number of healthy ways of dealing with frustration and other negative emotions. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus a check or money order for $7 in U.S. funds, to Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. I hope it will be helpful to you. It's important that you get a handle on your temper so your children won't grow up thinking that verbal abuse is a normal way to handle their own emotions.

DEAR ABBY: My 25-year-old daughter suffers from Peter Pan Syndrome. Three years out of college, she wants to live an "extended dorm" lifestyle with other young men/women (and their girlfriends/boyfriends), instead of settling down and moving out with her boyfriend of two years.

She says she has "a high need for affiliation" (she needs a lot of people around 24/7). But she also has a high need for change/variety and rotates roommates every two to three years. Looking for a "mini commune" in a crowded city like San Francisco is very difficult. What makes matters worse is that she also has hobbies like sewing that require a lot of space.

Is there something wrong with this lifestyle preference? And if so, how do I help her break out of it? -- WORRIED DAD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DAD: At 25, your daughter is an adult. Many people her age live communally because it's less costly than living independently, and San Francisco has become so expensive that it's often their only option.

If she's already living in an "extended dorm" situation, it's her life to live and she'll learn lessons. If you feel compelled to offer her advice, suggest they relocate to a less expensive and crowded area, which may entail a longer commute, but with fewer roommates she will have more room for her hobbies.

DEAR ABBY: I bought my 11-year-old daughter a cellphone. My ex does not approve. We have been divorced for six years, and he still can't get over it. He despises me. He refuses to listen to why I want her to have a cellphone.

While I want her to be responsible with it, I realize she will make mistakes -- which she already has by being on her phone too much. (It has been taken away from her once.) I want her to carry the phone with her in case of emergencies. If it is confiscated at school, her dad will no doubt tell me, "I told you so."

Should I abide by his wishes and not allow her to have the phone, or do you think my points are valid? -- MOM WITH PHONE ISSUE

DEAR MOM: Wanting your daughter to have the cellphone in case of emergency seems valid to me. If you are her custodial parent, I think that prerogative belongs to you.

But I do have a question: Who took the phone away from your daughter? If you did it because she was abusing the privilege, then she will learn her lesson if you are consistent. If a teacher takes it away from her at school, there should be consequences and you should ensure that they are enforced.

DEAR ABBY: I have an unusual problem. I'm very accident-prone. Over the past several years I have been in a cast many times, sometimes for long periods. My friends constantly tease me about it when what I'd really appreciate is a little compassion and maybe a little help while I am recovering. How do I let these people know that their teasing is hurtful? -- WENDY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WENDY: If you have been in a cast "many times" over the past few years, your friends may be suffering from compassion fatigue. If their making light of your predicament is hurting your feelings, you have to tell them so. And while you're at it, tell them what you do need from them.

On a slightly different note, don't you think it's time to determine why you are so accident-prone? Is it clumsiness? Poor vision? Discuss this with your medical provider, because he or she might advise neurological testing, or even some sessions with a licensed mental health professional. Please consider this advice.

DEAR ABBY: I am a healthy, somewhat older lady with a reasonable appetite who unfortunately sleeps alone. Consequently, I have a few toys to help me on sleepless nights. One of my biggest worries, however, is that if I should expire and my loved ones discover my toy collection after my demise, they will be shocked.

I don't want to give up my toys, but I am worried about what my loved ones will think of me should I cease to exist before my appetite decreases. Surely one of these days it will. But in the meantime, what happens if I die and they discover my secret? -- KEEPING A LID ON IT

DEAR KEEPING: What will happen? You will die with a smile on your face.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 58-year-old female. My mother passed away in my home almost exactly a year ago. I took care of her for the last three years of her life. After she died, my brother and his wife came to my home at 1:30 p.m. The funeral home didn't arrive to pick her up until 8:30 that night.

Later that evening, after my mom was gone and my brother and his wife left, my daughter came to me and announced that my sister-in-law had secretly taken pictures of Mom in the body bag on the stretcher as she was being wheeled out of my home. She didn't know that my daughter had seen her.

I am furious, horrified and hurt beyond description! My mother always liked to look nice and made a special effort to look good for a picture. The coroner had told me to go into another room when they were taking her because he said I wouldn't want that as my last memory of her.

I have never said anything to my sister-in-law, but I can't seem to let this go. It's killing me. Am I overreacting? Please, I need your advice. -- MISSING MOM

DEAR MISSING MOM: I am truly sorry for your loss, but you may be overreacting. Not everyone grieves in the same way, and similarly, not everyone feels the same way about taking pictures of deceased loved ones. During Victorian times the practice was quite common.

I don't know why your sister-in-law felt compelled to take the photos, but it could have been a gesture of love and respect. If you want to know why she did it, you should calmly ask her and let her explain.

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing my boyfriend for about a year. He's three years younger than I am, which hasn't been an issue for us. However, recently, because of work scheduling, I have been waiting at his house until he comes home and spending more time with his father.

I am extremely ashamed that I have developed feelings for his dad. His dad has a girlfriend. I am aware this is inappropriate, but I am not sure how to handle this. -- ANONYMOUS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ANONYMOUS: The way to "handle it" is to accept that your boyfriend's father has a girlfriend and is probably not looking for anything extracurricular. And further, if anything should develop, recognize that it would not only devastate your boyfriend, but would also probably destroy his relationship with his father.

DEAR READERS: In the words of Martin Luther King Jr., whose birthday we remember today: "To retaliate in kind would do nothing but intensify the existence of hate in the universe. Along the way of life, someone must have sense enough, and morality enough, to cut off the chain of hate."