DEAR ABBY: I am at the end of my wits, and I need some answers. I am almost 13 and dread being a teenager because I don't want things to be complicated. I used to have depression and felt suicidal, but I never told anybody. I eventually got over it and am now physically fine. But I'm not emotionally stable.

Recently, I was told things I don't know how to react to. Among them was, "Wow, your voice is deep," and, "Your laugh sounds like a witch." Most of the time I'm a happy-go-lucky person, but in the last few weeks I have been flickering from happy to sad and have no idea how I feel. It's almost like I don't know who I am anymore. I'm wondering, is this a mental disorder? Or am I simply being silly? -- CONFUSED TEEN IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CONFUSED: I do not think you are being silly. However, I DO think you should have been discussing your feelings with your parents since the time you began feeling depressed to the point of feeling suicidal.

Whether or not your mood swings are symptoms of something serious, I'm not qualified to say. But I hope you will show this letter to your parents and tell them you wrote it. If you do have some sort of mental disorder (which I doubt), the sooner you are properly diagnosed and treated, the better it will be for you.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I attended a party hosted by a well-respected couple who love to entertain. They have a spotless, beautiful home and are the essence of what you would hope to find in party hosts. Upon our arrival, we were greeted at the door, but before we could step inside, the stench of cat urine overpowered us. It was overwhelming, and we have to assume that everyone else smelled it, too.

My wife and I are torn about what to do. We have great respect for this couple. They are pillars of our community.

I say, to save future embarrassment, that an anonymous, carefully written note alerting them to this odor should be sent to them, saying that a problem "may" exist and providing them the opportunity to resolve the smell. My wife says absolutely not. Your thoughts? -- FELINE BLUES IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR FELINE BLUES: If you lack the courage to sign your name, do not send the letter. It isn't unheard of that pet owners become so used to the odors in their homes that they no longer smell them. Either address the problem head on -- politely, of course -- or refuse further invitations and invite the couple out instead.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter was recently married. A close family member -- a cousin -- gave her and our son-in-law a check at the reception. The check bounced.

It's been more than a month since the check was returned to them, and I'm sure their bank charged them for the overdraft. I was waiting, hoping they would reach out to my daughter or me and send a replacement check.

Should I call my cousin directly? I feel deep down that he must not know this happened because he would have done something about it. -- BOUNCED CHECK IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR B.C.: If you "know" deep down that this may have escaped your cousin's notice, call him, let him know what happened and let him explain.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for five years, yet I can't seem to make headway. I constantly obsess about my failed marriage and the fact that my ex has moved on and remarried. I plot every day how to make his life miserable, which gives me some relief. I have been to counseling, but can't seem to move forward. I don't want to be stuck in this rut forever. Please help me. -- CAN'T GET OVER IT IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CAN'T: The quickest way out of the rut would be to find another licensed therapist and get more counseling. Clearly, the first one didn't help you.

Plotting to make your ex's life miserable is not the answer. Acquiring the tools to make your own life better is the healthy, constructive way to go. And while you're at it, keep busy with activities you enjoy so you'll have less time to fixate on your situation.

DEAR ABBY: I am married with two small children. Last year, my job of 18 years was outsourced overseas. Since then I have had an opportunity to go back to school and further my education. It sounds great, and I know a lot of people would jump at the chance, but I'm miserable. I hate going back to school.

My husband, "Clay," is insisting that I finish so I can get a high-paying job. I'd love to stay home and care for our kids, one of whom has high-functioning autism. Clay has never been a good provider. Paying the bills has always been up to me. Everyone says I should stick it out and graduate, but I feel like I'm neglecting our children and I'm grumpy all the time. I feel like a horrible mom.

There is no way to lighten the class load. What should I do? Quit and seek a job at which I can work a normal day and then go home and care for my kids? Or tough it out and be miserable for another year? -- STUDENT STUCK IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR STUDENT: To stay at home and care for your children would take the cooperation of your under-providing husband, and he's unwilling to do that. I don't think you have much choice other than to continue your studies and return to helping support your family financially -- including him.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my mid-20s and haven't lived in my mother's home in more than four years. However, mail still occasionally comes for me at her address. Whenever it happens, my mother opens it.

Typically, she goes through the song and dance of telling me I've received mail, asking if I want her to open it (no, thank you), then saying she'll set it aside. Yet, by the time it reaches me, it has been opened.

When I try to talk to her about it, she claims that because she lives alone she's not in the habit of looking at the name on the front of the envelopes. If this had happened only once or twice, I'd believe it was an honest mistake. But it is every envelope, every time. What can I do? I don't think this is something I should have to grin and bear. -- FRUSTRATED BUFFALO GIRL

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Mail is considered to be private property. When another party breaches that privacy, that person may be guilty of mail tampering, which is a crime. You should have explained that fact to your mother when you first realized that what she was doing wasn't an accident.

Because this annoys you so much that you have written to me about it, and if you haven't already done so, register your change of address with the post office so your mail can be delivered properly, and contact those who may not know that you have moved, so this won't keep happening.

DEAR ABBY: My brother and sister-in-law have been dressing my 2-year-old nephew, "Charlie," in dresses and pink clothes. They say these are what the boy has chosen. To me, a toddler will pick out whatever gets his attention at the moment, and children that age have only a rudimentary understanding of gender.

It would be one thing if Charlie were old enough to understand and still insisted he felt more comfortable in girls' clothing. But at his age I feel what they're doing will only confuse him. Keep in mind, I do not believe this is a transgender issue. I think people who are transgender should dress and act the way they feel. I just feel that age 2 is too young to determine this.

My parents (the boy's grandparents) are worried and angry. My sister-in-law knows this upsets my mother and yet it's like she's taunting her with texts and pictures of Charlie in pink and/or dresses.

Should we be worried about this or should it be none of our business? Are we overreacting? Would it be best to approach my brother to tell him our concerns? -- TOO YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND

DEAR TOO YOUNG: It is likely that Charlie is going through a phase and doing something he has seen other people do. But more important than what his mother buys for him is how others respond to it. A family's negative reaction sends a strong message. If Charlie is innocently testing out his/her authentic self, his grandparents' negative response will signal that they disapprove of who he is, which could have lasting ramifications for him.

Counselors at PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) have told me that many parents say that, looking back, they realize that by disapproving, they had sent their child the message that they couldn't accept him/her. One child had suicidal thoughts at the age of 5 because of it. (And yes, sometimes children that young do act on the impulse.)

DEAR ABBY: I often read and enjoy the Pennies From Heaven stories that your readers send and decided to share mine. Although it doesn't involve a penny, it's very special to me.

My grandmother and I had a special bond, and part of it was sand dollars. She taught me their meaning and would mail me postcards with pictures of dollars on them. When she passed away, I inherited the gold sand dollar necklace she had often worn.

I moved into a new home several years ago, and during the home inspection, I found a sand dollar in the pantry! Everything had been emptied out of the house except for that lone sand dollar propped upright on a shelf. When I saw it, I knew immediately who it was from, and I felt so blessed. It's comforting to know we are being watched over by our loved ones. -- SAND DOLLAR BLESSING

DEAR BLESSING: Your letter made me smile. I wish you had mentioned what your late grandmother explained to you about the meaning of sand dollars, because from what I have read, some people associate them with Christian beliefs, while others insist they are "coins" scattered by mermaids. Whichever meaning your grandmother ascribed to them, it's clear from what you have written that she was dearly loved. Thank you for sharing.