DEAR ABBY: My brother and sister-in-law have been dressing my 2-year-old nephew, "Charlie," in dresses and pink clothes. They say these are what the boy has chosen. To me, a toddler will pick out whatever gets his attention at the moment, and children that age have only a rudimentary understanding of gender.

It would be one thing if Charlie were old enough to understand and still insisted he felt more comfortable in girls' clothing. But at his age I feel what they're doing will only confuse him. Keep in mind, I do not believe this is a transgender issue. I think people who are transgender should dress and act the way they feel. I just feel that age 2 is too young to determine this.

My parents (the boy's grandparents) are worried and angry. My sister-in-law knows this upsets my mother and yet it's like she's taunting her with texts and pictures of Charlie in pink and/or dresses.

Should we be worried about this or should it be none of our business? Are we overreacting? Would it be best to approach my brother to tell him our concerns? -- TOO YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND

DEAR TOO YOUNG: It is likely that Charlie is going through a phase and doing something he has seen other people do. But more important than what his mother buys for him is how others respond to it. A family's negative reaction sends a strong message. If Charlie is innocently testing out his/her authentic self, his grandparents' negative response will signal that they disapprove of who he is, which could have lasting ramifications for him.

Counselors at PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) have told me that many parents say that, looking back, they realize that by disapproving, they had sent their child the message that they couldn't accept him/her. One child had suicidal thoughts at the age of 5 because of it. (And yes, sometimes children that young do act on the impulse.)

DEAR ABBY: I often read and enjoy the Pennies From Heaven stories that your readers send and decided to share mine. Although it doesn't involve a penny, it's very special to me.

My grandmother and I had a special bond, and part of it was sand dollars. She taught me their meaning and would mail me postcards with pictures of dollars on them. When she passed away, I inherited the gold sand dollar necklace she had often worn.

I moved into a new home several years ago, and during the home inspection, I found a sand dollar in the pantry! Everything had been emptied out of the house except for that lone sand dollar propped upright on a shelf. When I saw it, I knew immediately who it was from, and I felt so blessed. It's comforting to know we are being watched over by our loved ones. -- SAND DOLLAR BLESSING

DEAR BLESSING: Your letter made me smile. I wish you had mentioned what your late grandmother explained to you about the meaning of sand dollars, because from what I have read, some people associate them with Christian beliefs, while others insist they are "coins" scattered by mermaids. Whichever meaning your grandmother ascribed to them, it's clear from what you have written that she was dearly loved. Thank you for sharing.

DEAR ABBY: A family member keeps setting up fundraisers every time she wants to buy something for her family. If a child needs a special class, she asks the relatives to pitch in to pay for it. When her husband wanted to return to college, she brought all the extended family together to see who could contribute.

She has now set up a fundraiser for family and friends to raise $6,000 to send her teenaged daughter to an expensive performing arts camp. I think this is extravagant. If they can't afford it, they should select a camp they CAN afford or have the 16-year-old go out and earn the money. I also think they should be saving for college rather than camp.

This woman's father was a preacher, and sometimes I think she never got the message that fundraising is usually for charity, not for individuals who happen to need some cash. Am I wrong to be embarrassed by what she's doing, or is this a new normal? -- EMBARRASSED IN TEXAS

DEAR EMBARRASSED: You say your relative is the daughter of a preacher. There is a saying in the Bible, "Seek and ye shall find." Another way of putting it is, "It never hurts to ask." If you feel your relative is using others for something that should be her responsibility, you are free to just say no, and to do so without embarrassment.

DEAR ABBY: I'm retired and have the time to sew and quilt projects, which I give as gifts. I presented a "Quilt of Valor" to my father to honor his military service. I also gave a sibling one of my personalized projects as a birthday gift.

Abby, when we visited their home recently, I was horrified to see one of their dogs sleeping on one of the pillows I had made for them. When the dog woke up, it proceeded to scratch itself and then drag the hair-covered pillow through the house. I have been asked to make a quilt for a disabled child living at home who also has a dog that sleeps on her bed.

I no longer want to invest my time and energy after what happened to my gift. I feel unappreciated. Would it be wrong to refuse the request and say something about "gift abuse"? -- SEW PERPLEXED IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR SEW PERPLEXED: Verbalizing your refusal would be undiplomatic. Regardless of the fact that your hard work wasn't appreciated as you hoped it would be, I do not recommend that you accuse the family of "gift abuse." It appears they're dealing with more important issues right now.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 21 years. I'm extremely social, while he is not. For the past six to 10 years he has become increasingly resistant to going out in public places, especially when it involves getting together with my family or friends.

During last year's holidays, I pleaded yet another "sudden illness" on his behalf. I feel he makes himself ill with anxiety so he can bow out at the last minute. When I cancel plans we've made -- which is often -- he generally "feels better" after we cancel. It's frustrating. While I am sympathetic, I'm tired of making excuses knowing he's probably fine. What can I do? -- SOCIAL BUTTERFLY IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR BUTTERFLY: I think you should go without him, and stop making excuses.

DEAR ABBY: I am a straight man who met and fell in love with a transgender girl I'll call Eve. We dated for almost three years, and they were the happiest of my life. In all that time, we never once had an argument. She said I had given her the strength to come out to her family and begin her transition. I was planning to ask her to marry me.

Without any indication that anything was wrong, she dumped me one day and weeks later began dating her friend, another trans girl. I wanted to walk away and take time to heal, but Eve maintained that I was important to her and we could remain friends.

For the next few months we tried, but her new girlfriend treated me like I was a threat. While I was emotionally hurting, she seemed to take intense pleasure in showing me how happy they were together. It eventually led to friction, and now my ex thinks I caused it because I was jealous, so she cut off all contact with me.

I stood by her when she absolutely needed my support, but when the time came to give a little back, I was abandoned. I'm worried I will never trust anyone again, and I don't know how to get "myself" back. Can you help? -- ABANDONED IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR ABANDONED: It might help if you consider that there are more than physical changes when making the kind of transition Eve was undergoing, and she may have felt that her trans friend was better able to relate to what she was experiencing than you were. It was cowardly of her to just dump you rather than tell you she had doubts about your relationship, and it was selfish of her to pressure you to hang around as "just a friend" afterward. It also wasn't realistic.

What you are feeling is normal. However, it might help you to move forward if you keep in mind that all women are not the same, that building trust takes time, and give yourself time to heal before trying to replace Eve.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old woman who recently got out of a six-year abusive relationship. While I was in the relationship, no one knew what was going on. When I finally left him, I started dating a man of a different race. People are now saying I moved too fast because we got together a month after I moved out. But we had been close friends for more than a year before things started to kick off.

The issue is, my family disapproves of our relationship because of his race and because they believe he didn't give me enough time to figure out what I wanted. I feel like I already knew what I wanted. I had been emotionally done with my first relationship for a good six months. My family refuses to meet him, nor do they want to hear anything about our relationship. My family and I had always been close -- until now.

I am happy with my new boyfriend (even my grandma sees a difference). I just wish I knew how to get my family to understand and agree to meet him. What can I do? -- READY FOR THIS IN OHIO

DEAR READY: If you are open to a suggestion, because you were in an abusive relationship for so long, talk with a licensed psychotherapist about it. You were unhappy for a long time, and it's possible that the difference your grandmother is seeing is partly fueled by adrenaline.

You are an adult and you deserve to be happy. If this man makes you feel that way, then more power to him. Take things slowly, enjoy the relationship, and perhaps with time your family will come around.