DEAR ABBY: I recently realized that my mother-in-law stole several of my prized possessions. It seems that my husband's brothers, who helped us move when we lost our home, took the items (obviously at her request and with her approval) instead of placing them in the storage unit as instructed.

I am furious at her and my husband's brothers. How should I deal with this? I want to confront her and let her know that I am aware of her betrayal, but my husband is a great man, and I hate to hurt him in this process.

When I told him I was aware that his mother had stolen from us, he said he would make it up to me and that his mother is old (she's 81) and I should let it go. However, every time I visit her home and see my things it hurts. How should I deal with this? I feel raped. -- FURIOUS IN TENNESSEE

DEAR FURIOUS: If the items are replaceable, let your husband do as he promised. If they are heirlooms, you will either have to wait until she dies to reclaim them or go over there and demand that she give them back.

DEAR ABBY: I am a senior-aged man who swims three times a week at a nearby fitness center. I shower there after each swim. Seldom do I use the shower in my apartment. My son has reprimanded me strongly for not showering daily. He asserted that by not showering every day and by using a public facility when I do, I am practicing "very poor hygiene."

I believe that my hygiene routine is acceptable and in line with common practice, but I'm concerned that in order to visit with him in the future, I will first need to take a shower. Am I wrong here, or is he? -- NOT SHOWERING ENOUGH

DEAR NOT SHOWERING: With apologies to William Shakespeare: To shower or not to shower, that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of your son's criticism or to stand up for yourself (in a sea of sniping) is up to you.

From where I sit -- far downwind -- if you can pass the smell test, showering three times a week is all that's necessary for proper hygiene. Do not allow your son to shake your self-confidence.

DEAR ABBY: I recently went to a funeral viewing for a friend's adult child whom I had never met. After entering the funeral home, I saw a computer-generated sign stating, "Please understand that we (mom, dad, brother and daughter) just couldn't be here."

Abby, I wasn't there to see the deceased; I was there to express my sympathy to the family. Why bother to have a viewing? All I wanted to say was how sorry I am for their loss. -- KAREN IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR KAREN: Please have a little less judgment and a little more compassion. Remember that not everyone deals with death in the same way. The viewing was for family members, friends and acquaintances of the deceased who COULD bear to be there. You can still express your sympathy to the grieving family by writing them a condolence letter.

DEAR ABBY: It has happened again, another stressful, unpleasant Thanksgiving for me. My husband has out-of-town relatives who fly in using frequent flier miles. They get picked up from the airport on arrival and returned to the airport for departure. They spend a week here eating, drinking and being entertained. Never once have they offered to buy any food, help with meals or take us out for dinner. If we go out for a meal, it is always our treat.

They brag nonstop about how much money they are saving, and they could well afford to be gracious. This has been happening for 15 years. They invite themselves. I do NOT enjoy their company. My husband is aware of how I feel, but has asked me to tolerate them because they are the only blood relatives he's in contact with outside of our family.

I am left to do the laundry and cleaning after they leave. They have a nice vacation, and I feel used and abused. How can I get rid of them and still keep peace in the family? -- FED UP WITH FREELOADERS

DEAR FED UP: If your husband insists on entertaining these users because of his blood relationship, you should allow him to do it. If you're feeling magnanimous, welcome them warmly and tell them you're sorry you can't spend more time with them, but you are leaving to visit: your grown children, your parents, your dear old school chum(s).

Perhaps when your husband has to shoulder all of the responsibility for those awful people, he will realize the extent to which he is being used and find the courage to tell them what he expects of them the next time they visit. You have suffered enough.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have been planning our wedding for two years. Both of us are working our butts off at two jobs to pay for all the elaborate details. It will, after all, be the most beautiful day of my life.

My fiance's sister just got engaged and I'm happy for her. But now she's talking about having her wedding "around the same time as ours" to make it convenient for our distant relatives. My concern is that they're going to "steal our moment."

I feel very hurt, but I'm not sure how to approach her because I don't want to cause conflict. It would make so much more sense for them to be married the following year. On the other hand, it's their prerogative to do it whenever they want. Am I being unreasonable? -- UNREASONABLE IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR UNREASONABLE: Every bride -- or almost every bride -- fantasizes that her wedding day will be the most beautiful day of her life. Whether or not your fiance's sister has her wedding around that time will not detract from yours in the slightest -- and it shouldn't be a contest anyway.

Frankly, the idea of sparing the relatives the expense of traveling to a second wedding makes sense. However, if you cannot accept this, then perhaps you should consider postponing your wedding for another year. Look at the bright side: If you do, you will have 12 months of extra income, and your wedding can be even more elaborate.

DEAR ABBY: I go to the gym regularly. Part of my membership includes a free guest pass. Working out with others can be much more fun and a really good motivator. I have a friend who has taken me up on my offer to join me at the gym. She goes with me two to four times a week.

Initially, I made the offer to get her going. Never in a million years did I think she'd still be piggybacking off of my membership all these months later. Now that it has become routine, I feel bad saying anything to her. Should I suggest she get her own membership? Or must I just own this since I invited her along in the first place without clear and obvious boundaries? -- WORKING OUT AT THE GYM

DEAR WORKING: You have a right to draw the line. Tell your friend how pleased you are that she now works out regularly, and that because she seems to enjoy it, she should get a gym membership of her own. If she asks why, tell her it's so you can bring other people with you if you wish. If she objects, then she has been taking advantage of your generosity, and that's not how "friends" treat each other.

P.S. If money is an issue for her, you could always suggest she split the cost of your annual membership with you.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wife for four years, but we have been together for 11. She has three children whom I love and treat as my own. My problem is that my wife is a baker and lets the kids eat whatever, whenever, and as much as they want.

My older daughter has graduated from college, where she worked out regularly and lost weight. However, my son and younger daughter have ballooned to obese. I have tried to talk to my wife about instilling better eating habits, but it never materializes. Food with no nutritional value is consumed each school night, along with bowls of my wife's homemade ice cream. I know being obese will have lifelong consequences for them. How can I fix the problem and help them change how they eat? -- NEEDS GUIDANCE IN FLORIDA

DEAR NEEDS GUIDANCE: You're correct that childhood obesity can set the stage for lifelong health problems. I'm surprised your wife hasn't been told this by their doctor. If she thinks stuffing them with unhealthy food and failing to instill good eating habits is showing them "love," she's misguided.

If she is doing this because of some emotional need of her own, she may need both nutritional and emotional counseling to get past it. A step in the right direction would be for you to involve your kids in family time that includes exercise and encourage them to choose a sport that interests them and to pursue it. If you ask your older daughter, I'll bet she would be glad to support the idea.

DEAR ABBY: One of my friends says I work too much, that I have little to no time for myself or her, and when I'm off, I spend the majority of my time sleeping.

Abby, I'm a certified nursing assistant and work in a hospital that requires me to work 12-hour shifts. (7 a.m. to 7 p.m.) What should I do? Yes, they are long hours, but I love what I do. Does this make me a workaholic? -- LOVES MY WORK IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR LOVES: No. It makes you a lucky person who is dedicated to a profession she enjoys. What matters is that your schedule works for you, not for your friend, and that you get sufficient rest to do it efficiently.

TO MY READERS: A very merry Christmas to you all!