DEAR ABBY: I became estranged from my family after I came out as gay. I am OK with it and don't really care anymore. The problem is, besides having no family, I have no friends either. I always had difficulty making friends. I'm an introvert and was bullied at school, so I found it more comfortable just hanging out at home by myself.

I have come to accept the absence of friends as my reality. I try to do fun things by myself, like seeing movies and eating out at restaurants, but the holiday season is hard to bear. Most people look forward to it, but I dread this time of year. It only makes me more aware of how alone and lonely I am.

I am too embarrassed to go out by myself during the holidays because most people are out with family and friends. Can you suggest some things I could do for the holidays instead of staying home and watching TV by myself? -- HOLIDAY HURTING IN THE EAST

DEAR HOLIDAY HURTING: I may be able to solve two of your problems at the same time. Start calling some of the charitable organizations in your area and ask if they can use an extra pair of hands during the holiday season. Serving food at a homeless shelter or food pantry and delivering meals to shut-ins come to mind.

A sure cure for the blues is to reach out and do something for someone who needs a helping hand. If you try it, you may meet like-minded people and start some friendships.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 37 years is a perfectionist. I am not. Her father used to call her "Little Miss Perfect." I try to help around the house, but she always comes afterward to "correct" my mistakes and make things "perfect." I am not sloppy about my work -- just not up to her standards.

Two examples: I make the bed; she remakes it. I can't even mow the grass correctly because she likes diagonal cuttings and I cut parallel to the street. After one day, there's no difference. As a result, I have given up helping.

This doesn't bother her one bit; she gladly does all the work. Further, she's busy ALL day. We never have a chance to talk. When we do, it is always trivial: the weather, our schedule or her job at work.

I am retired and find this disconcerting. When I try my hobbies, she's all over me, so I quit them. Most men would trade places in an instant, but I'm just trying to figure out how to live with her and myself. I try to golf a lot. -- UNHAPPY HUBBY IN MICHIGAN

DEAR UNHAPPY HUBBY: Has it occurred to you that your wife may suffer from OCD, and that's the reason everything has to be "perfect"? It appears the only thing that isn't perfect is your marriage.

Perhaps it's time you talked to her about how her obsession with perfection makes you feel -- because from where I sit, it comes across as a passive-aggressive putdown. Unless she's willing to recognize that what she's doing isn't healthy for your marriage and consider professional help, nothing will change.

In the meantime, consider more hobbies you can do on your own or with friends -- hiking, hunting, skiing, fishing, etc.

DEAR ABBY: For the past 17 years, we have hosted parties at Christmas. Although years ago they started with 15 guests and light hors d'oeuvres, the list has grown to 82 guests and a full buffet dinner and bar. It costs several thousand dollars when you factor in the servers and bartender, and it requires months of planning.

Over the years we have had guests who attend our party, but we never see or hear from them during the year unless it's to inquire about the party. We don't expect a tit for tat, but we are now at a point where we need to curtail costs. We feel used by these people, and would rather host a smaller gathering for people we consider better friends and acquaintances.

What I'm struggling with is how to respond when asked why they are no longer on the guest list. -- USED PARTY HOST

DEAR USED PARTY HOST: If someone actually has the gall to ask that question, I think you should tell the truth and respond that, "We have had to cut costs, and this year we decided to entertain only people we see on a regular basis."

DEAR ABBY: You missed the mark in your answer to "Mother Doesn't Know Best" (July 7), whose 8-year-old stepson arrives for visits in old, ill-fitting clothing, even though the father purchases new clothes for him on every visit.

I live in Ohio, and the state considers housing, food, electricity, gas and running water as part of the makeup of child support. I know this firsthand. You also need to know if the mother is working and if she contributes to her son's support. What about other expenses (toys, haircuts, uniforms, etc.)?

Part of the problem may be that Stepmom and Dad live across the country and aren't there to see what exactly goes on day to day. Yes, the little boy shouldn't be showing up at their home in clothes that are too small, but even Stepmom said he was putting on weight. -- MITZI IN DAYTON, OHIO

DEAR MITZI: Your points are well taken. However, the majority of the feedback I received about that letter pointed out that children arriving in old clothes for visits with their dads is a popular ploy that some custodial mothers use in order to get new clothes, and some even return the clothes for cash. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I had a divorced girlfriend I had confided in about this same problem. She said, "Don't you know? We always send the kids to their dad's in their worst clothing. That way, they'll have to buy them new stuff during the visit."

You can't assume that because a child arrives in worn or ill-fitting clothes that the custodial parent is unfit or that the child doesn't have lots of better clothing at home. -- MRS. D. IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: Please suggest that when Stepmom and Dad buy clothes for his son, they mark the labels with the boy's initials. The mom may be returning the items for cash and buying something she wanted for herself. -- MOM WHO KNOWS

DEAR ABBY: I'm afraid something is wrong with my younger brother. He's just turned 13, and he's become violent and angry. Before, he used to tease me and our sister once in a while, but now it's becoming an everyday thing. If we tease him back, he gets mad and starts yelling.

He directs most of his anger at our younger sister and our mom, and he has started to push my mom. She's worried that he might hurt one of us. If she confronts him when he gets out of hand, he starts yelling, "What? I didn't do anything!" Then later, he'll come back and try to push or kick her. I have noticed that he talks to himself, too.

We don't know what to do. We hear how kids sometimes harm their families. I'm afraid for my mom and my sister, but also for my brother. I love him and want to help him. -- AFRAID IN ARIZONA

DEAR AFRAID: If you want to help your brother, talk to your mother about getting professional help for your brother NOW, before he hurts someone. He should be evaluated to determine whether his problem is anger management or the onset of a mental illness. His pediatrician can refer her to a licensed mental health professional. If he doesn't have a pediatrician, the county department of mental health can suggest someone.

DEAR ABBY: Our boss has a new car with a hands-free phone feature. However, she has told us in the past that she's not a very good driver and becomes distracted easily. When she calls us while she's driving, how do we diplomatically tell her to hang up and drive? -- CONCERNED STAFF

DEAR CONCERNED STAFF: Your boss' safety is your job security. Say it to her face, and not while she's driving.

DEAR ABBY: I have terminal cancer and a five- to seven-year life expectancy, despite undergoing intense chemotherapy. I have accepted this and will not undergo further treatment. I eagerly await death.

I am divorced with two grown daughters who despise each other and have vowed to never associate with each other again. Therefore, I cannot look forward to family outings or get-togethers. I am forced to choose who to be with for each occasion.

I recently bought a T-shirt that says: "In Memory of When I Cared." When strangers see it, they laugh and say I truly can't mean that, but they are wrong. When I tell them this is how I truly feel, they say they will "pray for me." I understand why they feel compelled to say that, but I don't want anyone praying for me unless they pray for my death. How should I handle this? -- CONTENTED WITH DIAGNOSIS

DEAR CONTENTED: I'm sorry for your diagnosis, and for the fact that your daughters cannot get along -- even to give you comfort as your end approaches.

That said, when someone wears a T-shirt with a message on it, it usually invites questions. In your case, a logical question would be, "Cared about WHAT?" When you respond that you no longer care about living, the person will feel uncomfortable and try to say something positive. Unless you want to invite a long discussion, handle it by saying thank you.