DEAR ABBY: My husband recently retired from the military. We have four school-aged children. The youngest is starting kindergarten, and I would like to go back to work and finally use my college degree. My husband wants to take a job overseas, but I would likely be unable to work due to the language barrier.

I want to settle down in a location I love, doing a job I love. My husband worked hard to get this job and I hate to discourage him. I didn't realize I would feel so strongly about settling down until very recently. I don't want to move and he doesn't want to give up this job.

He suggested we live separately. Our marriage is otherwise happy, and due to the military we have had a long-distance marriage many times before, just not for as long as this would be. Should I try moving overseas? -- WANTS TO SETTLE DOWN

DEAR WANTS TO SETTLE DOWN: Yes, for the sake of your marriage, I think you should. And when you're there, explore finding a way to put the degree you worked so hard to attain to use. The experience of living in a foreign country would be good for your children, and you might enjoy the adventure yourself. If that's not the case, you can always return to the U.S. and see if a bi-continental marriage works for you.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing this as I sit in a hospital at my daughter's bedside. When staff comes into her room, she asks them to wash their hands in front of her before putting on their gloves. Several doctors took offense at this. We even posted a note on the door, asking the staff to wash up inside the room. Were we wrong? She doesn't want to increase her risk of infection. I would think that a patient worried about proper hygiene would not be sneered at by the people trying to get her healthy. -- TRYING TO STAY HEALTHY

DEAR TRYING TO STAY HEALTHY: Bravo to you for speaking up! According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, hospital-acquired infections have cost the hospital industry $30 billion and resulted in 100,000 patient deaths. A 2013 New York Times article reported that unless pushed to do so, hospital workers wash their hands only as little as 30 percent of the time they interact with patients. The problem is so widespread that some hospitals must monitor workers via video cameras or have them wear electronic badges to "encourage" compliance, while others have resorted to "bribing" workers to do the right thing.

You were not wrong to ask staffers at your daughter's hospital to wash their hands. Nobody should feel reluctant to ask for something that is standard procedure.

Because many patients in hospitals and care facilities feel vulnerable and dependent, they fear that staff will "dislike" them if they ask for too much. For patients to request handwashing is not only in their best interest, but also the hospital's. Too often, change doesn't happen in the medical profession until patients speak up and advocate for their own well-being. You would not have been "sneered at" if your request hadn't made those individuals feel defensive.

DEAR ABBY: When dining out with a group, when is the proper time to ask for separate checks? Before ordering or after the dinner is over? -- BEFORE OR AFTER

DEAR B. OR A.: Because you are with a group, it would make more sense to inform your server before he or she starts taking your orders.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. I moved in with him about a year ago. He has a 9-year-old son, "Todd," who stays with us every other week.

Todd is a great kid, but he has a genetic disorder and still often wets his bed. When it happens, he changes his pajamas and then climbs into bed with us. I don't mind, but I have told my boyfriend we need to start the process of his son not getting in bed with us three to four times a week.

Because I know it's going to be a process that is going to take time, I'm trying to get it started now. I really don't want an 11- or 12-year-old sleeping in our bed. How should I get this process started without nagging my boyfriend? -- GREAT KID, BUT ...

DEAR GREAT KID, BUT ...: You have a point. Todd is a little too old to be climbing into bed with the two of you. What needs to be addressed -- with the boy's pediatrician and possibly a urologist -- is the issue of the bedwetting. After that's been resolved, suggest that your boyfriend have a talk with Todd and explain that he's old enough to sleep in his own bed.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single, 55-year-old man. During the last year, I have felt lost. My mother, my last close relative, passed away. My brother and sister died years ago, as did my father. We were a very close family. Now I am an orphan!

I don't have children and I'm not sure what I need to do. I'm in the process of selling the family home/office where I worked for the last 30 years, but I feel guilty about it. There's so much stuff to sort through -- both business and personal -- that I don't know where to start. I'm overwhelmed and having so many anxiety attacks I can't get the things done that I need to.

When I sell this place, I know I'm going to be devastated. I have been suffering with depression for more than 20 years, but now I seem to have hit bottom. My business is failing. I have a couple of friends, but they have their own families and problems. This is affecting my physical and mental health. How can I get past it? I'm not a religious person. -- ALONE AND SAD

DEAR ALONE AND SAD: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother. Grief after the death of a loved one is a normal emotion, and you might find comfort by joining a grief support group. This would not only give you a safe place to talk about your feelings, but also help you to feel less isolated.

If you haven't already done so, schedule an appointment with the physician who has been treating your chronic depression (assuming it has been treated) and ask to have your medications reviewed. If you have not received treatment, tell your doctor what has been going on and ask for a referral to a licensed therapist who works with a psychiatrist who can prescribe something appropriate.

And remember that while selling the house/office is closing a chapter in your life, it is also signaling the beginning of a new one. It may give you the renewed energy -- as well as the financial means -- to salvage your business or start one. Please know I wish you a happy future.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of five years has confessed to affairs that resulted in two children. I suspected that something was up when after a year of marriage he seemed distant. Despite our almost 15-year age difference, I never in a million years thought he would do something like this.

A few months ago, he started disappearing again. At first it was a day here and a day there, but then it became weeks. I finally confronted him, and he confessed about the affairs. He claims the mother of the newborn is a prostitute and that it was a "mistake." He wants to be involved in the 3-year-old little girl's life, but not the newborn's. At that point I told him he needed to leave and remove his belongings from the house.

My friends say that legally I can't put him out of a house he owned before we were married. However, he did buy a home during our marriage. (I found that out accidentally.) It's where the 3-year-old lives.

I feel I am entitled to something. I asked him to have the older child's mother move, but he refused. Where does that leave me? With nothing? I don't know what to do. I don't have money for a lawyer and have nowhere to go. Please advise. -- WHAT A MESS IN PHILADELPHIA

DEAR WHAT A MESS: Your friends mean well, but you need a more informed source of information than they can offer. Because divorce laws vary from state to state, go online to womenslaw.org and search for "divorce in Pennsylvania." You will find basic information about divorce laws in your state, which I think you will find both interesting and rewarding.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a woman, twice married. My first marriage was to a woman who hurt me deeply by lying and cheating. I am now married to a man who, even with his faults, is a wonderful husband.

My thing is, I am still strongly attracted to women. I consider myself to be bisexual. When my husband notices that I look at women, I'm honest and tell him what I admire about a particular woman. What I leave out is that I'm turned on by them. He is not open to my actively being bisexual, not even a threesome.

Is it all right for me to fantasize when I'm intimate with him that he's a woman? I know some people fantasize about being with a celebrity or a more attractive mate, but is it all right to fantasize about someone of a different gender? -- FANTASIZING IN NEW YORK

DEAR FANTASIZING: Your bisexuality is part of who you are. You should make clear to your husband that there is nothing "wrong" with being bisexual, and people who are can be and are monogamous. A commitment is a commitment, and you are sticking to yours.

Sexual fantasies are normal. And you're right that many people besides yourself fantasize about others (of both sexes) during sex. Because you don't act on your fantasies, relax and enjoy them, and stop flogging yourself.

DEAR READERS: This month, an interview with my late mother, the founder of Dear Abby, is being featured on a podcast at makinggayhistory.com. Eric Marcus has done a terrific job with this, and I hope you will enjoy it. -- LOVE, ABBY