DEAR ABBY: My older brother and son live with me. We are all adults, so we don't need to ask each other's permission before one of us leaves the house. Out of courtesy, I let them know where I'm going, who I'll be with, and if I am likely to be out late. When I'm out, if I realize that I'll be gone later than I thought, I text them. To me, this is common courtesy.

My brother and son say goodbye when they leave, but rarely volunteer any information about their plans. I hate to ask, because they are adults and it's none of my business, but it just seems rude. I'm often startled when they come home late and I am awakened, until I know it's them and not someone breaking in. If I wake up and they aren't home, I worry. Am I right to expect them to tell me where they are going and if they will be late? -- ANNOYED SISTER

DEAR ANNOYED: To expect to be told where your older brother and adult son are going and with whom seems like a lot of information to demand. However, being informed what time they will be back so you won't think someone is breaking in not only would be thoughtful but also practical.

DEAR ABBY: I suffer from severe seasonal allergies. I have watery eyes and sneeze during January and February every year. I went to an allergist last winter, but he couldn't do much for me.

As I struggle to get through my days as quietly as possible, every sneeze seemingly elicits a "God bless you" from some stranger. If I'm unable to acknowledge it, I often get a "Well, thank you!" or some other show of indignation.

Abby, I don't need "blessings." Calling attention to my difficulties, frankly, just annoys and embarrasses me. I am trying the best I can to be quiet and avoid disruption. Can you please ask your many readers to end this ancient, silly convention and let those of us with allergies suffer in peace? -- ATCHOO IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR ATCHOO: No. The "God bless you" convention originated in the Middle Ages. People thought that when someone sneezed the soul left the body for a minute, and would be snatched by the devil if someone didn't say "God bless you." Those who say it today may be doing it because it has become a conditioned reflex, or to be polite. Accept the kind gesture and kwitchurbitchin.

DEAR ABBY: After becoming engaged recently, I was excited to ask my best friend to be my bridesmaid. However, her husband can't stand the thought of her getting dolled up and walking down the aisle after the ceremony with another man.

I want to be respectful, but this just seems over the top. Their daughters will be flower girls. I don't understand why this is an issue. Would it be best for her to just attend the wedding? This is breaking my heart. What's a bride to do? -- RESPECTFUL IN KENTUCKY

DEAR RESPECTFUL: Your friend's husband appears to be insecure and controlling. Your next move should be to ask your friend how she plans to handle this -- so that she and the girls can be replaced if necessary.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Allen," and I have dated for almost three years and have been living together for three months. When we met, he had been divorced for more than two years. Allen has a 13-year-old son and a 19-year-old daughter. His kids learned about me after we had dated a year. His daughter, "Jen," attends college out of state. When she visits home, she stays only with her mom.

Last summer, Allen and I decided to buy a house together, found the perfect one, and went to make an offer when Jen stepped in and said if we lived together before August, after she returned to school, she wouldn't have anything to do with him. He told me I couldn't live with him until August.

I was devastated, but I didn't have a choice. Now we have a house together, Jen said she wants to spend time on Thanksgiving here at the house without me or my kids. She cried to her dad, saying if he doesn't do this he's excluding her and choosing my kids and me over her.

This will be my first holiday with my fiance, and I was really looking forward to it. We were having friends and family over. But now, because of her request, he wants me to leave for a few hours in the morning.

I'm torn. I feel like her behavior is extremely rude and he shouldn't give in to her, but she said she'll only see him under these conditions. Do I leave my house for a few hours on Thanksgiving, or tell her she's welcome but the kids and I are staying in our own home? -- DISRESPECTED OUT WEST

DEAR DISRESPECTED: It's time for you and Allen to have a serious discussion. Jen's demand is unreasonable. Have you set a wedding date yet? Does he plan to allow his daughter to control both of you once you are married?

You and your children should not have to vacate your home in order for her to visit with her father. Jen is an adult, and if she prefers to avoid the reality of your existence, it's her choice. Her father could visit with her elsewhere the day before or after Thanksgiving.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17, and a friend of mine who lives out of state, "Jane," has just told me she has dissociative identity disorder (formerly known as multiple personality disorder). I don't know how I should behave around her now because large parts of our history have correlated to her various identities. Some have come onto me, but others seemed to hate me.

Do you know where I can find help for dealing with a person afflicted by this? She doesn't want to tell her psychiatrist, and so far, only I and another friend know about this. -- WORRIED HOW TO BEHAVE

DEAR WORRIED: If your friend's psychiatrist doesn't know that she has dissociative identity disorder, I would hesitate to accept her self-diagnosis and so should you. The kindest thing you can do for her would be to urge her to fully disclose any symptoms she's been experiencing to her doctor, because if what you have written is accurate, she has not been doing that. Other than that, treat her as you always have, but do not allow her to abuse you.

DEAR ABBY: My just-married daughter has informed me that we will no longer celebrate Christmas together because her husband always spends it with his mother and wants to continue doing it that way.

When she saw my expression, she also told me not to look so hurt by it, because if her daughter (from a previous marriage) sees me upset, then she might get upset that she's not invited to go to California when my daughter, son-in-law and their daughter do. My granddaughter isn't invited because she isn't my son-in-law's daughter.

Can you believe that? When I told my daughter that isn't right and she's putting her daughter in a bad spot and that the girl will grow up with a lot of resentment, she told me not to worry about it and it isn't going to happen.

Abby, what can I do? I don't want to see my granddaughter hurt. Please answer soon. Christmas is coming. -- GRANDMA BECKY

DEAR GRANDMA BECKY: I agree that you shouldn't let your grandchild see how upset you are. Because geography prevents you and your son-in-law's parents from celebrating the holiday together, expect to make plans without your daughter in the future. That she would allow one of her children to be excluded because the girl isn't her husband's child is absolutely disgraceful. Her in-laws must be terribly insensitive to encourage it.

Assuming your granddaughter lives close by, why don't you have her stay with you while her mother is away? The greatest gift is the gift of self, and that way, neither of you will be alone.

DEAR ABBY: My parents have been divorced for 17 years, but my father appears to have trouble letting go. Some examples: Although he never wore a wedding ring, he does wear a widower's band, and he tells people he "lost" his wife. Recently, he talked to my brother about getting a tattoo of my mother's name. Suffice it to say, my brother told him it was inappropriate.

My general policy has been to let Dad cope however he likes. I live 400 miles away and my brother still lives physically close to him. I understand that divorce can be traumatic, having lived through theirs as a child as well as my own. Is there any way I can help Dad cope with this?

He is having health problems now. I think they are forcing him to confront his own death, but this has been going on for more than a decade. Lately, I find myself rolling my eyes and laughing it off. But privately, I worry this could be a sign of something worse because it appears to be escalating.

Are there resources for coping with divorce? He won't consider therapy -- I've tried. -- WORRIED DAUGHTER IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR WORRIED DAUGHTER: While I have heard of widowed individuals switching their wedding band to the right hand, the concept of a "widower's band" is new to me. Your father may be ashamed that he is divorced, which is why he prefers to imply that he's widowed.

I agree with you and your brother that the idea of him tattooing your mother's name on his body would have been inappropriate. I do think that you should discuss your concerns about your dad's mental health with your brother because you say his peculiarities seem to be increasing, and he may need a physical and neurological evaluation.