DEAR ABBY: My just-married daughter has informed me that we will no longer celebrate Christmas together because her husband always spends it with his mother and wants to continue doing it that way.

When she saw my expression, she also told me not to look so hurt by it, because if her daughter (from a previous marriage) sees me upset, then she might get upset that she's not invited to go to California when my daughter, son-in-law and their daughter do. My granddaughter isn't invited because she isn't my son-in-law's daughter.

Can you believe that? When I told my daughter that isn't right and she's putting her daughter in a bad spot and that the girl will grow up with a lot of resentment, she told me not to worry about it and it isn't going to happen.

Abby, what can I do? I don't want to see my granddaughter hurt. Please answer soon. Christmas is coming. -- GRANDMA BECKY

DEAR GRANDMA BECKY: I agree that you shouldn't let your grandchild see how upset you are. Because geography prevents you and your son-in-law's parents from celebrating the holiday together, expect to make plans without your daughter in the future. That she would allow one of her children to be excluded because the girl isn't her husband's child is absolutely disgraceful. Her in-laws must be terribly insensitive to encourage it.

Assuming your granddaughter lives close by, why don't you have her stay with you while her mother is away? The greatest gift is the gift of self, and that way, neither of you will be alone.

DEAR ABBY: My parents have been divorced for 17 years, but my father appears to have trouble letting go. Some examples: Although he never wore a wedding ring, he does wear a widower's band, and he tells people he "lost" his wife. Recently, he talked to my brother about getting a tattoo of my mother's name. Suffice it to say, my brother told him it was inappropriate.

My general policy has been to let Dad cope however he likes. I live 400 miles away and my brother still lives physically close to him. I understand that divorce can be traumatic, having lived through theirs as a child as well as my own. Is there any way I can help Dad cope with this?

He is having health problems now. I think they are forcing him to confront his own death, but this has been going on for more than a decade. Lately, I find myself rolling my eyes and laughing it off. But privately, I worry this could be a sign of something worse because it appears to be escalating.

Are there resources for coping with divorce? He won't consider therapy -- I've tried. -- WORRIED DAUGHTER IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR WORRIED DAUGHTER: While I have heard of widowed individuals switching their wedding band to the right hand, the concept of a "widower's band" is new to me. Your father may be ashamed that he is divorced, which is why he prefers to imply that he's widowed.

I agree with you and your brother that the idea of him tattooing your mother's name on his body would have been inappropriate. I do think that you should discuss your concerns about your dad's mental health with your brother because you say his peculiarities seem to be increasing, and he may need a physical and neurological evaluation.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 19, and for the past year I have been out of my parents' house (at last!). I'm realizing now that the years I spent with Mom and Dad were different than other people's. My parents weren't physically abusive, but they were mentally and emotionally abusive, and it has scarred me in some ways. Because I was never allowed to speak my mind, I shut down if anybody raises his or her voice to me.

When I was growing up, they used exercise as a punishment. If my brothers or I were late, it was 10 pushups. They also forced us to go through exercise programs. Naturally, as soon as I was free from them, I stopped exercising altogether.

I now realize I need to exercise again as I am technically obese, and I need to lose the weight while I'm still young. My problem is, I'm not motivated. I tell myself I'll go out and run, signed up for a gym -- even got a running buddy. But I find myself making excuses and tricking myself out of going. What are some ways I can help myself mentally so I can get going on this ever-growing problem? -- CHUBBY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CHUBBY: Your parents may have meant well when they insisted that you and your siblings get involved in exercise programs, but they were wrong to use exercise as a punishment.

While I can see why you now view exercise that way, its benefits are more far-reaching than weight loss. Being physically active benefits your heart and brain, and in addition, can be an effective stress reducer. It doesn't necessarily have to be running. Perhaps tennis, bowling or dancing would be more enjoyable for you.

"Tricking" yourself can work two ways, but while I don't advise tricking yourself to make yourself get off the couch, I think the adage "the way to get out of a jam is not to get into one in the first place" applies here. Some suggestions:

When you get out of bed in the morning, have your exercise clothes already laid out. Instead of reading or listening to the news, put them on immediately. Then eat some protein to boost your energy, and go out and do what you need to do.

Don't expect to run a marathon immediately. Start slowly and remember that stamina isn't built overnight. Eventually, you will establish a routine -- like brushing your teeth.

I won't lie to you. It takes discipline. But now that you have "escaped" from your parents, YOU have to be your OWN parent, so it's up to you not to let yourself be lazy.

P.S. When you're on your way out the door, thank your higher power that you are able to do exercise because many people are not so fortunate. And if you catch yourself slacking off after trying what I have suggested, then consider consulting a licensed mental health professional to overcome your aversion to exercise.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 46-year-old drug user. I have been addicted for more than 20 years. I know it's wrong. I know I can be a better person. I got hooked when a supposed friend introduced me to crack in 1992. If I could only go back to that day, I'd kick the you-know-what out of him. I was all set to make something of my life.

In 2010, my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. It only got worse. I have hurt the people I care about the most. I have stolen from my mom. I have written checks on her bank account and pawned her jewelry. I don't know what to do.

I know I'm depressed since Dad died. I'm also disabled and on disability. I pretty much kept everything in check until 2001 when I lost the job I'd held for 17 years. I have drifted from job to job ever since.

So there it is. I have developed COPD. I'm on oxygen full time and can't work. I ask myself why I'm suddenly doing three and four times more than I've ever done. Do you think I'm that depressed? That I'm trying to speed my own death? I'm at a loss and need some guidance. I contemplate suicide daily, but I guess I'm too much of a coward. Can you help me? -- END OF MY ROPE IN FLORIDA

DEAR END OF YOUR ROPE: At this point, the only person who can help you is yourself. The problem with using drugs is that after a period of time, the body builds up a tolerance, and it takes more and more of them to achieve a high. This may be why your use has increased the way it has.

Because programs to help people break their drug habit usually cost money -- which you don't have -- go to www.na.org to find the location of the nearest Narcotics Anonymous meeting. As you may already know, NA is a fellowship in which addicts help each other to get off and stay off drugs. Please give it a try because it could save your life.

DEAR ABBY: My friend Bryan and I were at a sports bar watching a football game. We had ordered a large pizza, but had time for only one slice before we had to leave. I wanted to offer the remaining pizza to a group of college-age students sitting at a nearby table. Bryan was horrified and insisted we just leave. He said to offer the pizza would be insulting.

When I pointed out that another couple had once given us a half-filled bottle of champagne (they were heading to the theater), we accepted and appreciated it. He said that was different. What do you think? -- TRYING TO BE NICE IN L.A.

DEAR TRYING TO BE NICE: I think you're a nicer person than your friend Bryan. If the crowd at the next table was insulted, they could have refused your generous offer. Bryan may have nixed the idea because he didn't think of it first.

DEAR VETERANS: I salute you for your service to this country. My thanks to each of you, as well as to the brave men and women who are still on active duty. You are the personification of patriotism and self-sacrifice for your dedication to our country. -- ABBY