DEAR ABBY: My husband of 26 years passed away unexpectedly at age 46. This was 2 1/2 years ago. I have not yet started dating; however, I finally feel like I'd like to.

I have an old friend from high school whom I have never dated, but I would like to explore the possibility. He lives in another town and we occasionally message on Facebook.

I need to pick up some papers from a former doctor of mine in that town, and I would like to see my friend. Should I ask him to meet me for coffee? Is that what "buddies" do? Or should I ask him to meet me for a beer? Would that let him know I want to sort of have a date? What do I say? -- SHY STARTER

DEAR SHY: Approach it this way: Call or message him that you plan to be in town to collect some documents, and ask if he'd "like to get together and catch up." That can hardly be considered aggressive. If he's interested, he can then ask you if you'd like to meet for coffee or a beer -- or even go all out and share a meal together.

DEAR ABBY: I recently went grocery shopping with my friend "April." She decided she wanted some ice cream, so she grabbed a box of ice cream bars. She then proceeded to open the box right there in the aisle and eat one of them while we continued to shop.

When we got to the checkout, she paid for the ice cream. I didn't say anything at the time because I didn't want to start an argument, but I feel that what she did was not OK. What are your thoughts on this? -- UNSURE IN THE WEST

DEAR UNSURE: As long as your friend paid for the ice cream, I see nothing wrong with what she did. What I would find upsetting is if she had eaten something, discarded the wrapper and "forgot" to inform the checker, because that would be theft.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are going on a seven-night cruise. There will be a formal and a semi-formal night on the ship. I really want to go, but my husband says it's his vacation, too, and he doesn't want to dress up.

Would it be OK for me to go without him? If not, what can he wear that is not a suit and tie but will be acceptable? Just so you know, he said if he has to go, it will be in a tux T-shirt and his Disney top hat. -- GETTING AWAY IN OHIO

DEAR GETTING AWAY: You and your husband are not joined at the hip. If he prefers not to attend certain events during the cruise, that should be his privilege. However, it's your vacation, too, and you should have the option to observe the dress code and enjoy those evenings if you wish. If a coat and tie are required on the cruise you chose, you both might be happier if you select a more casual ship next time because some are less formal than others.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend doesn't get excited about anything anymore. He walks around the house all day with a gloomy expression. When I ask him about it, he tells me he is bored.

I'm scared he might get bored with me. Our sex life is great, and the relationship seems like it's on firm footing. But I can't shake this feeling he doesn't want to be here anymore.

Sometimes I see him staring out the window as if waiting for something to happen. He talks less and less every day. I'm not sure what's wrong, and I'm really scared for him. -- ALARMED IN ARIZONA

DEAR ALARMED: The behavior you have described could be a sign of depression -- or not. If you want to find out what's going on in your boyfriend's head, summon up the courage to ask him if he is unhappy in your relationship. If he says you aren't the problem, explain that you can see his behavior has changed, and tell him that if he's depressed, he needs to talk about it to a doctor and get a checkup. There might be a medical reason for his boredom and low energy.

DEAR ABBY: What do I do when relatives show up to family gatherings with sick children? We recently hosted a family party in our home. My sister-in-law arrived with an obviously sick child in tow. I am pregnant and have a 2-year-old son. Now my child and I are sick.

This isn't the first time something like this has happened. How should I handle this in the future without starting World War III? -- SICK OF GERMS IN ARKANSAS

DEAR SICK OF GERMS: Here's how I'd handle it: I'd talk to all the in-laws. I would explain that my 2-year-old and I caught whatever the child had, and tell them I don't want it to happen again. Then I would add that in the future, I do not want anyone to come over if they or one of their children is sick. That's not an unreasonable request. Because, regrettably, not all children are vaccinated these days, you are lucky you didn't catch something that could have put your unborn child at risk.

DEAR ABBY: My mother died recently. She had lovely embossed stationery with her monogram. Would it be all right for me to use it to acknowledge gifts and notes of sympathy for her death, or should I use my own? -- SANDRA IN SAVANNAH

DEAR SANDRA: It would be better to use your own. To receive an acknowledgment on letterhead bearing the monogram of the deceased might cause a negative reaction. Because the stationery was expensive, consider having it recut so the monogram is removed and using it for your own personal correspondence. That way, it won't be wasted.

DEAR ABBY: I am having to part ways with someone I have known for 15 years. This person has done many good things for me. On the other hand, he has also thrown more insults at me than anyone else in my lifetime. At the snap of a finger, this normally good-hearted person has insulted me, insisted I was wrong (when I wasn't) or dumped cold water on something I was enthusiastic about.

A week ago, I approached him calmly and told him I was uncomfortable with his put-downs. Well, he threw an over-the-top temper tantrum the likes of which I have never seen, accused me of being "weak-kneed" and stomped away. I have finally had it.

I mentioned it to a friend who is a psychologist and he said this person has all the character traits of a raging narcissist. I'm now convinced this person will never change and I cannot understand the pettiness he reverts to. Can you comment? -- BREAKING AWAY IN MIAMI

DEAR BREAKING AWAY: If you feel it is better for you to distance yourself from this "friend," then that's what you should do. He may be a jackass; however, it is unwise to label someone who hasn't been formally diagnosed as having a personality disorder.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago we had a house fire. While insurance put us up in housing, it took a while to find a place. That first month I didn't know if I was coming or going. Dealing with insurance, contractors, family and a job was almost more than I could handle. The last thing I needed to hear was, "What's for dinner?"

If I have one piece of advice to offer to people who want to help friends, it would be, "Give them gift cards from local restaurants." I know how much I hated to speak up and say I needed help, so don't ask, just do if you see something needs to be done.

This idea also works well in lieu of flowers or home-cooked meals when someone dies. We gave a friend several gift cards for area restaurants when her husband died. When out-of-town company came in for the funeral, she said they came in handy for her. -- HOPEFULLY HELPFUL

DEAR HOPEFULLY HELPFUL: People are often at a loss about how to help during a crisis, and this isn't something that usually comes to mind. Your suggestion is a good one. Thank you for writing.

DEAR ABBY: Is there a proper way for a man to introduce himself to an attractive woman in a public place like a store or a museum? -- DAN IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR DAN: It's not difficult. If you're in a store, ask for her advice about a product. If you're in a museum, strike up a conversation about an artist or a painting, sculpture, etc. Then introduce yourself and keep talking. If she's receptive, she'll give you her name.