DEAR ABBY: I'm a recent divorcee who has started dating again. I have been seeing this guy -- also divorced -- for a few months, and he recently told me he loves me. There's definitely a mutual attraction, but I'm not ready for love again, which we've discussed in great detail.

When I ask him why he loves me, he can't answer specifically. His usual reply is something along the lines of, "I just do." I can't help but think maybe he doesn't really love me if he can't explain why. Am I overthinking this? Is our relationship moving too fast? What should I do? -- NEW TO THIS IN IDAHO

DEAR NEW TO THIS: Take your time and continue getting to know this man. Do not let yourself be rushed into any commitment for which you are not ready. Divorce can be painful and leave one or both partners feeling a lack of self-esteem.

Because he seems unable to put his feelings into words, instead of asking him why he loves you, let him demonstrate the depth of his love for you through his actions. Time will tell if he is sincere.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's 67-year-old sister recently borrowed a large sum of money, but my husband told her not to worry about paying it back. They both receive Social Security benefits, but her payments are substantially larger. She supports only herself. His check supports us both.

The problem is that for the past few months she has been borrowing money she promises to pay back, but when the time comes, instead of repaying it she asks for more money. We can't afford it, but he can't seem to tell his big sister no, and it's causing problems in our marriage.

I love my husband dearly, but I'm beginning to resent his sister for taking more money from us each month, and him for giving it to her. If I step in, I will be the bad guy. What is the best way to handle this situation? -- GOING BROKE IN THE WEST

DEAR GOING BROKE: Step in and be the bad guy. Tell your husband's sister she won't be getting any more money unless she pays back what she has already "borrowed." Your sister-in-law probably won't like you for it, so be prepared to stand your ground and don't be surprised.

DEAR ABBY: I noticed a very attractive woman coming out of the library. She was wearing a soft, feminine short skirt. I wanted to compliment her, so I walked over and said, "I love your skirt -- it looks so pretty." She said, "Thank you. You made my day!"

We had a great conversation for several minutes, after which we went our separate ways. Afterward I was kicking myself because I didn't ask for her phone number. It felt good to know that my compliment made her feel pretty.

Do most women appreciate compliments about their clothing? I wouldn't want to make a woman feel uncomfortable. But it brightens my day when I can compliment someone. -- LARRY IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR LARRY: It has been my experience that not only do most women appreciate a compliment, so do most men. If it brightens your day to offer one, go ahead and do it. And if someone has a problem with that, do not make it your problem.

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married for 20 years to an amazing man, "Boyd." Eight months ago, he left his administrative job to pursue his lifelong dream of becoming an actor. He is working hard on auditions and shoots, and I am very proud of him. However, when he left his job, it felt to me like a pronouncement rather than the result of our usual mutual decisions.

Unfortunately, I communicated my frustration to family members at the time, and they have completely written Boyd off. They don't want to talk to him or hear news about him, and he is not welcome in their homes.

Boyd didn't take this well. He has, in return, written them off. It has reached the point that I can't share news about them with him. I have had to take down family photos -- which was my choice -- but it felt necessary.

The irony is my family felt he had created undue stress for me, but the breach in family harmony has been far more stressful than my husband's career change. Any thoughts on how to bring detente to this situation? It's keeping me up at night. -- ACTOR'S WIFE IN ATLANTA

DEAR WIFE: Have you told your family that by shunning your husband they have caused you more stress than his decision -- however one-sided it may have been -- to become an actor? If you haven't you should, because it is causing discord in your marriage. Your relatives do not have the right to punish your husband for his career choice, and you should not have encouraged or allowed them to alienate him.

You may want to remind them that you and Boyd are a unit, and if they care about more contact with you, they will bury the hatchet. Or perhaps you could convince everyone to agree to family counseling. The ball is now in your court because you are the person who started it rolling.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for a very long time and have a good marriage. However, he has one annoying habit that drives me crazy. We live in a small house, and he has stacks and piles of things lying around collecting dust and creating clutter.

When I ask him to put them away, he says just to leave them where they are so he will remember to look at them "someday." Abby, these are videos, magazines, books or paperwork. It could be anything, really, like some gadget he wants to check out.

A neat and tidy house is important to me. This is nothing new; it has been going on during our entire marriage. What can I say to him to get him to change his ways? -- ANTI-CLUTTER IN IOWA

DEAR ANTI-CLUTTER: Probably not much at this point. But I can offer this insight. The tendency to do what your husband is doing is a sign of OCD, an anxiety disorder. For your husband, letting go of things he "may" want to look at "sometime" can be emotionally upsetting. A doctor might be able to help your husband, but that would necessitate your husband admitting that what he has been doing is causing a problem.

DEAR ABBY: I am 23, married for four years and have three children. My wife and I have always had strong sex drives. I recently accepted a dream job that pays very well. On the downside, I work 12 to 14 hours a day, and by the time I get home I'm exhausted.

I love my wife very much and want to meet her needs, but she wants sex every night. I'm afraid if I tell her I have to save my energy for my job, it will cause problems. How can I get around this? -- OVERWORKED IN ARKANSAS

DEAR OVERWORKED: The shortest path to a goal is a direct line. One thing more important in a marriage than sex is communication. Talk to your wife. If you don't, she may think that after three children you find her less attractive.

Sex is most satisfying when both partners enjoy it. To some women, their standard of living is at least as important as frequent sex. It's time to find out if the woman you married is one of them. (If she's not, you may have to change jobs.)

DEAR ABBY: How do I tell my ex I no longer want to baby-sit her son? The boy is not mine. When we lived together she found a job, and I told her I would watch her son on weekends while she was working.

I moved out of the apartment we shared a year ago. Between working nights at my job and her son having special needs and requiring full-time attention, I'm exhausted and losing patience. Is there a graceful way to bow out? -- GETTING STRESSED OUT IN VIRGINIA

DEAR GETTING STRESSED: Probably not. However, because you feel the responsibility has become more than you are able to handle, you need to tell your ex she needs to make other arrangements for a sitter for her son. Because your relationship with her ended a year ago, I doubt she'll be surprised. But do not expect her to welcome the news or like it.

DEAR ABBY: I can't wait until election season is over. One side of my family is liberal; the other side is conservative. At my request, they don't argue when we are all together. There are occasional disagreements, but fortunately, they never escalate.

The problem is, when I spend time with any of them separately I am lectured nonstop about the "evils" of the other side. They don't quit. I just want to scream, "Shut up! Shut up! I don't care!" I am at the point that I no longer want to vote. I don't know what to do. There's no way I can avoid my family completely. Please advise. -- "SHUT UP!" IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR S.U.: Please don't allow your family drama to stop you from voting. Try this: The next time your relatives inject politics into the conversation, smile, look them in the eye and say, "Let's talk about something pleasant, shall we?" and change the subject.