DEAR ABBY: While our 6-year-old enjoys the positive attention he receives from his often unusual and imaginative clothing choices, his grandparents feel we are being "disrespectful to others" by allowing him and our other children to wear these outfits in public.

Neither my husband nor I was permitted freedom of expression as children, and we agreed that with the exception of health, profanity, lewdness, immodesty and adherence to organizational dress codes, that we would not restrict our children's freedom of expression. While we often don't agree with our children's choice of attire, it seems prudent to choose the battles we fight.

Is anyone other than our parents actually offended by a pirate (sans weapon) in the dentist office, or a backward shirt at the grocery store? And if they are offended, does their desire not to see a costumed child trump my children's need for a healthy outlet for their individuality during this phase of their life over which they have so little control? -- CLARK KENT'S MOM

DEAR CLARK KENT'S MOM: I seriously doubt that anyone other than your parents and in-laws cares at all if your children visit the dentist looking like Clark Kent, a cowboy or his horse. As far as I'm concerned, your children should be allowed to exercise their sartorial creativity. It's harmless. A few years from now they'll be getting pressure from peers about fitting in, so let them enjoy themselves while they can.

DEAR ABBY: I have been through quite a bit of turmoil in the last two years. My boyfriend died last year. We had been together for 13 years. He was only 32 and his death was unexpected.

I am realizing now that I didn't handle my grief very well. I had no real support system at the time and soon after he passed, I reconnected with an old flame I had been in contact with on and off through the years. We have become somewhat serious, but I realize that before I can go further with this relationship, I must deal with the feelings of grief that I have for the loss of my boyfriend.

Any advice that you could provide would be greatly appreciated. I am at a loss on how to move forward in a healthy way. -- LOST IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR LOST: I'm sorry for the loss of your longtime boyfriend, but I'm glad you wrote. That you recognize you need help to process his loss before you can move forward takes an admirable sense of self-awareness. If you have a doctor or a health insurer, ask for a referral to a licensed mental health professional (a psychologist, social worker, etc.). That person can help you to work through your unresolved emotions by seeing you privately, or by referring you to a grief support group.

DEAR ABBY: I am married, for a year and a half, with no children yet. I am an only child who was raised by my mother. My mother never remarried. She blames me for her never having found anyone, and she is resentful of my marriage. She doesn't get along with anyone, not family, co-workers or "friends."

She thinks my husband is her handyman to use around her house. The reality is, my husband works all the time, and when he does have any free time, I either want to spend it with him or need him to do things around our home. I'm afraid the day I tell her I'm pregnant her response will be laced with disdain and judgment, and I believe she will use my children as pawns like she used me to manipulate my dad.

I have seen a therapist about this, but I'm having a hard time following through on what needs to be done. My therapist suggests I tell Mom how I feel and let her know that if she continues with her current behavior, I will have to limit the amount of time we see each other.

Abby, she has said some really hurtful things to me in the past. I know her behavior is wrong, but I continue trying to be the daughter I am supposed to be so we can hopefully have the relationship we are supposed to have. I welcome your advice. -- HAD ENOUGH

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: Here it is, and I cannot offer it emphatically enough. You hired a therapist who has given you excellent advice. You will save yourself a lot of grief -- and time -- if you take to heart what you were told and follow the advice you were given. To create boundaries is not being a bad daughter; it is being an intelligent one.

DEAR ABBY: I'm currently interning with a government-contracted group. Part of my job involves working with LGBT rights organizations. Recently, at a meeting with my boss and several representatives of these organizations, the topic of fairness in the workplace was mentioned. I was asked what my experience was, and I shared that I thought the workplace was fair, and my experience was fine.

I didn't think about it at the time, but I now realize I was being asked how my experience was as an LGBT person. In light of this, my boss has nominated me for a diversity award. The problem is I'm a heterosexual female, and I think he promoted me for the honor because he thinks I am gay.

How should I handle this? Do I need to go on record to my boss that I am straight, that I have a boyfriend, and he misunderstood me? I don't want this to come back to haunt me, but I'm afraid addressing it may ruin my credibility because it has taken so long for me to address it. My sexual orientation is obviously not something of great interest at work, but I feel I am living a terrible lie, and I don't know how to fix this. -- ASHAMED IN D.C.

DEAR ASHAMED: No one should feel compelled to disclose one's sexual orientation at work, no matter the circumstances. That said, in this particular case, go to your boss before this goes any further. Explain to him privately that you didn't realize when the question was asked that anyone would presume you were gay. If you accept the diversity award without clearing the air first, it could potentially be a source of embarrassment and jeopardize your credibility.

DEAR ABBY: My 11-year-old daughter recently asked to have a sleepover with some of her best friends. She's part of a "club" with five other girls. Four of them are her best friends, so she invited them. However, my daughter is not close with the fifth girl, "Debbie." They don't hang out at school and barely hang out during their club activities.

When Debbie's mother found out my daughter had invited the others, she accused me of excluding Debbie intentionally. I received a rude text from her telling me they were quitting the club.

In the past, we have gone above and beyond to keep her daughter included in the club activities, but when it comes to my daughter wanting to hang out with her friends outside of that, I feel she should be able to invite whoever she wants. Should I have made my daughter invite Debbie to her sleepover even though they aren't really friends? -- "MEAN MOM"

DEAR "MEAN MOM": Obviously, Debbie is close enough with some of the other girls that they told her about the sleepover. Your daughter may not like Debbie as much as she likes the other "club" members -- which seems more like a clique to me -- but I don't think that's a reason to exclude or attempt to isolate her. Because all of the other girls were asked, Debbie should not have been snubbed. For a moment, put yourself in her shoes.

DEAR ABBY: I have many friends with grandchildren, two of whom love to show me photos of them. I don't mind looking at a few, but recently, during a two-hour lunch, one friend insisted on showing me pictures and videos the entire time. I swear I'm not exaggerating. Another friend has four five-minute videos I'm supposed to watch.

I show pictures of my grandchildren only occasionally. Would it be rude if, the next time this happens, I say something like, "I'd love to see a couple, but remember -- I have eight grandchildren and more than 700 photos and videos on my phone"? -- BLEARY-EYED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BLEARY-EYED: I don't think it would be rude. It might be an effective reminder that granny-bragging is a two-way street.

DEAR ABBY: My niece is soliciting donations for her boyfriend's young daughter's upcoming operation. I'm hesitant because they both smoke, and with the price of cigarettes these days, it's taking a chunk out of his paycheck -- not to mention the health risks. I realize the child isn't to blame. Should we go ahead and donate, knowing some it is being used to finance their tobacco habit? -- NO FAN OF SMOKING

DEAR NO FAN OF SMOKING: This is not a referendum on smoking; it's a request for help to pay for needed surgery for a child. Yes, you should give them a donation if you have it to spare.