DEAR ABBY: Years ago, I dated an awful guy. He possessed just about every negative quality you could imagine. I dated him anyway because I was immature, depressed and lonely.

Since we broke up and I got my mental health back on track, my life has been wonderful. I keep moving up and forward in life. I hear through the grapevine that his life, on the other hand, is in shambles.

I blame myself for wasting the time I did with him. Sometimes when he pops into my head I get sick to my stomach. I'm afraid he might come back into my life and harm me because he blames me for his miserable life and bad choices.

How do you remove such a negative person from your memory? Is it possible to forget -- especially when you want to? -- ANNOYED IN TEXAS

DEAR ANNOYED: Your experiences have made you the person you are, and at this point in your life, you have made yourself successful and happy. Congratulations for that. Now it's time to stop listening to news about your ex-boyfriend through the grapevine.

When friends bring him up, tell them you aren't interested. If he lives nearby, frequents the same places you do and has threatened you, talk to law enforcement or move. Give it time; time has a way of healing. It's important that you continue getting on with your life. You may find fears will dissipate once you find a new significant other.

DEAR ABBY: I'm someone who's been chronically hot for as long as I can remember. In winter, I usually wear lighter clothes than most people so I can be comfortable. Unfortunately, complete strangers feel compelled to ask several times a day, "Aren't you cold?" or say, "You're crazy for dressing that way!"

I don't feel I should have to justify my wardrobe, and I think calling someone crazy is out of line. I have pointed out to some people that how I dress is none of their business, at which point they take offense. (One guy even told me to "shove it where the sun don't shine.") I don't think my response was inappropriate considering that they were the ones judging me. I'm the one who should have been upset. What can I say to these judgmental people without justifying myself and without evoking an angry response? -- NOT CRAZY, JUST COMFORTABLE

DEAR NOT CRAZY: Most people are curious when they see something "different." Wearing lightweight clothing in the dead of winter qualifies as different. If you are asked, all you need to say is that your body temperature runs hotter than most people's, and you are perfectly comfortable. Period.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine died recently. My question is, how much time should I wait before asking his widow if she saved his hearing aids from the crematorium and if so, could I have them? -- CHEAP MINNESOTAN

DEAR MINNESOTAN: You didn't mention how long ago your friend died, but if it was yesterday, give the widow a week or two to recover from the shock of her loss. I say this because if you wait too long, somebody else may grab them, but if you ask too soon, she may give you an earful.

DEAR ABBY: I am a bisexual female college graduate living at home, and an only child. I have had one sexual encounter with a woman but never a relationship. I have, however, had relationships with men.

I came out to my mother when I was a teenager. She didn't believe me, but did say that she would not mention it to my other parents or family members. (I have two stepparents as both biological parents remarried.)

I am considering -- if I find a woman to go on a date with/be with -- pursuing a lesbian relationship. However, I am not financially independent and won't be for many years. My problem is I'm afraid to do it while I am living at home. My cousins, friends and ex-boyfriends all know, just not my parents, grandparents, aunts, etc. Do I try for my own happiness and hope for the best, or defer my happiness and only date men? -- SCARED TO BE WHO I AM

DEAR SCARED: You are no longer a teenager; you're an adult now. You should be entitled to have the kind of relationship with which you are most comfortable. If your cousins know about the fact that you are bisexual, the chances are that so do their parents. However, if coming out now would mean that you would be out on the street, I'm advising you to keep your mouth shut and bide your time until you are independent.

DEAR ABBY: My family and I are all travelers. Recently, some issues have arisen with them about the way they regard my mode of travel. They prefer flying versus driving. I don't. Because of my size.

I can't fit into an airplane seat and buckle the seat belt without an extender. I'm always worried that I'll be forced to buy an extra seat or won't be allowed to fly because of my weight, and it is stressful. I have tried for years to lose weight, but have gotten only to the point where I'm maintaining my weight.

I fit comfortably in my car. I can get the seat belt buckled, and I don't have to inconvenience other passengers.

My family is now trying to discourage me from taking future trips with them because I won't fly. They claim it's because I'm single and normally travel by myself. I'm in my mid-30s and have traveled solo for years. Any suggestions on how to help them understand my choice? -- FRUSTRATED SOLO HEAVY TRAVELER

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your family may be doing this in an attempt to "encourage" you to work harder at losing weight. However, if you are more comfortable traveling by car, then that's what you should be doing.

DEAR ABBY: We have a co-worker who has been internet dating. She constantly tells her co-workers how horrible the men are and says the same thing about the dates.

How do we tell her that it's not the men, but her? -- STUMPED IN SANTA MONICA, CALIF.

DEAR STUMPED: If you're smart, you won't -- unless she asks.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an educated, attractive 24-year-old woman who hasn't dated much. I'm eager to break out of my shell and start putting myself out there, but I'm afraid my shyness may make me unapproachable.

How do I strike up a pleasant conversation with a cute guy at the gym or a friendly customer at work? It looks easy in the movies, but this is real life. I don't want my awkwardness to hold me back.

Have you written anything about this? Can you give me some tips on how I can bring myself to be sociable? -- PERPETUAL NOVICE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR NOVICE: Gladly. Start today by making a point of smiling and saying hello to everyone. It's friendly and welcoming.

At the gym, ask other members about their routine or the machines they're using. When greeting a customer, lead off with a friendly remark or a compliment. I have met very few people who don't like receiving one, as long as it's sincere. ("Nice shirt," "Nice cellphone," etc.)

If you freeze up, keep in mind that the majority of people have the same insecurities that you do. My booklet "How to Be Popular" contains many useful tips for polishing social skills for people of all ages. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Please allow four to six weeks for delivery. A surefire way to contribute in any social situation is to be well-informed about what's going on in the world. You do not have to be an authority on every subject.

Good conversationalists are interested in what others have to say rather than feel pressured to fill the air with the sound of their own voices. And remember: Most people can concentrate on only one thing at a time. So forget about yourself and concentrate on the other person. Ask about what he or she is interested in. If you try it, you'll find that it works.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We have good conversations, and he would give me the world if I asked him to. He's kind, gentle and helps me out financially. He opens the car door, cooks and cleans. Basically, he is what every woman wants.

But ... he is lacking in the sex department. He had a groin injury as a child, and later, as an adult, he reinjured "it." Viagra doesn't help. He apologizes when sex lasts less than five or 10 minutes. Sometimes "it" doesn't work for a week or two.

He says he loves me and wants to marry me. But I know I wouldn't be completely happy if I married him. On the other hand, I'm afraid to lose such a good man. I don't want to cheat on him, which is what he said most of his girlfriends have done in the past. What should I do? -- GREAT GUY, BUT --

DEAR G.G.B.: What you should do is be honest with your boyfriend. Tell him it's time for him to consult a urologist, if he hasn't already, because there may be medical help for this. If there is, your problem is solved. If there isn't, then you will have to prioritize what's really important to you in a life partner.