DEAR ABBY: I'm an educated, attractive 24-year-old woman who hasn't dated much. I'm eager to break out of my shell and start putting myself out there, but I'm afraid my shyness may make me unapproachable.

How do I strike up a pleasant conversation with a cute guy at the gym or a friendly customer at work? It looks easy in the movies, but this is real life. I don't want my awkwardness to hold me back.

Have you written anything about this? Can you give me some tips on how I can bring myself to be sociable? -- PERPETUAL NOVICE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR NOVICE: Gladly. Start today by making a point of smiling and saying hello to everyone. It's friendly and welcoming.

At the gym, ask other members about their routine or the machines they're using. When greeting a customer, lead off with a friendly remark or a compliment. I have met very few people who don't like receiving one, as long as it's sincere. ("Nice shirt," "Nice cellphone," etc.)

If you freeze up, keep in mind that the majority of people have the same insecurities that you do. My booklet "How to Be Popular" contains many useful tips for polishing social skills for people of all ages. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Please allow four to six weeks for delivery. A surefire way to contribute in any social situation is to be well-informed about what's going on in the world. You do not have to be an authority on every subject.

Good conversationalists are interested in what others have to say rather than feel pressured to fill the air with the sound of their own voices. And remember: Most people can concentrate on only one thing at a time. So forget about yourself and concentrate on the other person. Ask about what he or she is interested in. If you try it, you'll find that it works.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We have good conversations, and he would give me the world if I asked him to. He's kind, gentle and helps me out financially. He opens the car door, cooks and cleans. Basically, he is what every woman wants.

But ... he is lacking in the sex department. He had a groin injury as a child, and later, as an adult, he reinjured "it." Viagra doesn't help. He apologizes when sex lasts less than five or 10 minutes. Sometimes "it" doesn't work for a week or two.

He says he loves me and wants to marry me. But I know I wouldn't be completely happy if I married him. On the other hand, I'm afraid to lose such a good man. I don't want to cheat on him, which is what he said most of his girlfriends have done in the past. What should I do? -- GREAT GUY, BUT --

DEAR G.G.B.: What you should do is be honest with your boyfriend. Tell him it's time for him to consult a urologist, if he hasn't already, because there may be medical help for this. If there is, your problem is solved. If there isn't, then you will have to prioritize what's really important to you in a life partner.

DEAR ABBY: Is it possible that people can just fall out of love with each other? We have been married for 21 years and have three kids who are older. Over the last five years, my wife and I have stopped communicating. We don't do anything together and have little desire to be with each other anymore.

We are good parents, but as far as being husband and wife, we have pretty much neglected each other emotionally and physically. Neither of us has strayed.

We haven't been to a marriage counselor because I just don't love my wife anymore, and I'm not saying this to be mean. It's just how I feel. We have failed each other miserably as husband and wife, and she deserves better. She has been a great mom to our three kids, and I would never take that away from her.

Can people stay in a loveless marriage? We have talked it over, and we both agree there's nothing left here for each other. I have already told her she needs to do whatever it takes to make herself happy because I can no longer be here for her emotionally or physically. -- FELL OUT OF LOVE

DEAR FELL OUT OF LOVE: People sometimes remain in loveless marriages for religious or financial reasons, because they are afraid a divorce would traumatize the children, or because they are afraid of being alone. If you and your wife agree that there is nothing left for either of you, and marriage counseling won't fix the dysfunction in your relationship, then the logical next step would be an amicable separation or divorce.

DEAR ABBY: I have the most amazing husband. He helps with the housework, provides for us and loves me unconditionally. Not a day goes by that I don't hear how precious I am to him. It's like a fairy tale. Except -- we never had a formal wedding, just a courthouse ceremony with nobody there but us two. You see, we had to get the paperwork done so I wouldn't have to keep renewing my visa status every few months.

Now we can be together in the U.S. with no issues. But I feel like we skipped an important life milestone, and a wedding would be the perfect opportunity to unite both of our families from around the world.

The problem is my husband is happy with the way things are. He refuses to spend money on a party and says, "If we ever have one, it will be when we are rich, stable, and able to afford it by ourselves." (My parents are more than willing to pay!) I feel like a lifelong dream was taken away from me. Your thoughts? -- MISSING OUT IN VIRGINIA

DEAR MISSING OUT: My thoughts are you have a stellar husband AND your visa problem is solved. I'd say you have done quite well. If your husband prefers to postpone the fancy celebration until you are more financially stable and foot the bill himself, you should respect him for it. I know I do.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 15 years is a beautiful lady I find more attractive every day. I compliment her often, but her self-image isn't particularly good. She's a top-level executive -- not your typical "girly-girl."

She has never been the sexy-dress type, in the bedroom or out in public. She doesn't have to dress up for work on a daily basis and prefers wearing sweats at home, which is fine 99 percent of the time.

I have asked her for a special night out in which she would dress up for me, just a bit on the sexy side, followed by some late-night fun at home. When I do, she laughs off the idea and says I'm silly.

I'm certainly not the only one who finds her attractive. She gets compliments from others often. How do I find another approach to this? Or am I being selfish? -- HOPING IN MINNESOTA

DEAR HOPING: I don't think a husband telling his wife what he would like is selfish. The key to a satisfying marriage is communication. I do think it's wrong of her to belittle you by telling you your fantasy is silly. It's not. Many couples enjoy occasionally dressing up and role-playing. Take her shopping so you can pick out something together that's dressier than sweats or what she would wear to work, and perhaps you can arrive at a compromise.

DEAR ABBY: My mom gives my older brother an allowance because he's a fugitive from the law (outstanding warrants) and lives in another country. I have told her repeatedly that she's enabling him, and he will expect it for the rest of his life, but she insists that "one day" he'll survive on his own, even though he has always squandered money.

She expects me to continue supporting him after she dies since I am the only legal child left. She says if she doesn't pay him, he'll be homeless, and I will be responsible for him since I will inherit her estate.

I have helped my brother a lot in the past, but inevitably he gets upset with the helper (including Mom) because he feels entitled. I don't want my brother to be homeless, but he has already received his share of her estate because she has been paying for him for years and I haven't received any aid. What seems fair? -- THE OTHER SIBLING

DEAR OTHER SIBLING: What's fair is that you realize your mother's money is hers to do with as she wishes. Perhaps it's time you and your mother discuss setting up a trust for your brother. An attorney who specializes in wills and trusts can help her do this and determine what is fair.

If you do, it may accomplish two goals: First, it will put your mother's mind at ease, and second, it will remove any responsibility for your brother from your shoulders, which should save you a world of aggravation. Please consider it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been wondering for a long time if there is any rule of etiquette about who should greet whom first when a co-worker arrives at the workplace. Should the working person greet the incoming person first, or the other way around? -- CURIOUS GEORGE

DEAR GEORGE: In cases like this, the more outgoing co-worker usually says hello first -- not because any rule of etiquette demands it, but because of his or her personality. If you are standing on ceremony waiting to be greeted, speak up or you will appear to be unfriendly.