life

Husband's Longtime Friendship Is Now Forbidden by His Wife

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 30th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I recently retired after 26 years of working with a professional partner of the opposite sex. Now my wife expects me to cut off all communication with her. There was never any intimacy or sexual attraction at all, just a friendship established over many years.

I have explained this to my wife many times, but she refuses to believe me and wants this person out of my life for good. How can I explain this to someone I have worked with for so many years? Is my wife's request reasonable? Can't married males have female friends, or am I restricted to only male friends for the rest of my life? -- FENCED IN, IN WASHINGTON

DEAR FENCED IN: No, I do not think it is reasonable, and the implication is insulting not only to your former working partner but also to you. However, unless you can get to the bottom of your wife's obviously deep insecurity, find a way to reassure her and get her to deal with it, that is exactly what is going to happen. You may need the help of a marriage counselor, but it will be worth it because men who feel fenced in -- trapped -- don't usually stay happily married. How sad.

Work & SchoolMarriage & DivorceFriends & Neighbors
life

Are Millennials a Slacker Generation?

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 30th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have a question for you and your readers. Why have baby boomers failed in the way they raised their children?

We were raised with honor, respect for authority (even a little fear), integrity, a hard work ethic, honesty, etc. The millennial generation, for the most part, lacks all of those qualities. They don't want to work, can't get off their mobile devices and don't want to leave home. They expect their parents to take care of them, and have no appreciation and no respect.

I'm not saying they are all that way, but the majority I have encountered are. I blame it on parents who didn't raise them with the same values they grew up with. What's your take on this, Dear Abby? How do we fix it? -- ANONYMOUS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: There is no one-size-fits-all answer to your question, and frankly, whether the millennial generation lacks the qualities you listed is a matter of perspective. I would hesitate to paint a picture of an entire generation with one brushstroke. Readers, what do you think?

Family & Parenting
life

Wife Should Wonder What Kind of Business Husband Conducts When He Travels

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 30th, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have an issue. If I go away on business, I make sure to provide my travel information such as hotel and flight numbers. But when my husband goes away, he refuses to provide any information. I try to explain that if there's an emergency or an issue with flights, the information would be helpful. I can get nowhere with him regarding this matter. Any advice? -- TRAVEL ISSUE IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR TRAVEL ISSUE: Yes, I'm sorry to say I do have some. People who are secretive usually have something to hide. It's time that you ascertain whether your husband is traveling for business as he claims, or whether it's for pleasure without you.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Woman Copes With Anxiety by Filtering out Bad News

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 29th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Clearly, America is in a state of turmoil. I am horrified and ashamed of the senseless death occurring daily.

I deal with anxiety, particularly regarding fear of death. As a result, the only thing I've found that I can do to cope with current events is to scan headlines, and ask my understanding husband for a synopsis of events that doesn't include major triggers.

However, I feel serious guilt that I may not be fully educating myself on recent events. Am I wrong to prioritize my mental well-being over the gravity of our country's current situation? -- SERIOUS GUILT

DEAR SERIOUS GUILT: Wrong? Absolutely not! According to The Journal of the American Medical Association, 13 percent of Americans now use antidepressants to combat depression and anxiety. Our news media feed so many salacious details into our homes in the interest of high ratings that it's a miracle the majority of Americans aren't in need of them.

If you are getting the news you need to know, do not feel guilty for using your husband as a filter. You are only protecting yourself, and that's not wrong. It's healthy.

DeathMental Health
life

Woman Is Right to Question Why Boyfriend Thinks She's Always Wrong

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 29th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I need advice. I'm 23 and have been living with my boyfriend of almost two years. I have never been in a relationship before this one, so I have little experience. I love him dearly, but every time there's an issue between us, it always becomes my fault and I'm always the one to apologize. What should I do? -- INEXPERIENCED IN TAMPA

DEAR INEXPERIENCED: Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. You should not be forced into the role of perpetual peacekeeper by accepting the blame for everything, and it won't improve your relationship.

Because your boyfriend's preferred method of solving disagreements is laying the blame on you, suggest the two of you get couples counseling. However, if he refuses -- and he may -- you will then have to decide whether this is the way you want to spend the foreseeable future because things aren't likely to change.

Love & Dating
life

Secret Identity Is a Shock to Woman's Sister-in-Law

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 29th, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law "Dani" and my brother have been married almost three years. I recently discovered that Dani has created a fake social media page. She posted some nude photos on it and acts like she's single. I suspect she is getting paid to do live nude video chatting, too.

Abby, I'm shocked over this. I'm sure my brother would explode with rage and disappointment if he knew. They have two small daughters, which leaves me to wonder if she has considered their embarrassment if they ever find out.

She's a good person, so I don't know why she would do this. I really need your advice. -- SHOCKED SISTER-IN-LAW IN THE SOUTH

DEAR S-I-L: It's time to talk to Dani. Tell her what you have learned and ask her why she's doing it. When you do, ask how she thinks your brother will react when he finds out -- if he doesn't already know -- and how this could affect their daughters. This may be a fling, a way to prove to herself that she's still attractive, or a way to earn needed money. But you will never know until you initiate a conversation with her.

Family & Parenting
life

Guest's Behavior at Wedding Earns No Thanks From Bride

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 28th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: During my wedding reception a month ago, one of the guests (a friend of my mom's) poured a glass of water on the DJ's laptop because he felt the music was too loud and he wanted it shut down. My husband was furious and asked the guest to leave. The incident was blamed on too much alcohol, and it ruined the rest of the evening. Many guests were upset and left.

The man ended up paying the DJ to replace the laptop and sent us a note of apology for his behavior. My question is, must we send a thank-you note to him and his wife for the wedding gift they gave us? What the man did was unforgivable. In many ways he spoiled our day. Mom thinks I should "do the right thing" and thank them for the gift. It wasn't his wife's fault, so I am thinking of addressing the note to her only. Is that OK? -- WEDDING DAY SURVIVOR

DEAR SURVIVOR: I know of no rule of etiquette that forbids addressing the note only to her. However, when you write the note, word it this way, "We want to thank you and 'John' (or 'your husband') for the (gift), and we'll think of you when we use it." That way you will have thanked them both for it, and your manners will be above reproach. And if you prefer to avoid them in the future, you'll get no argument from me.

Holidays & CelebrationsEtiquette & Ethics
life

Husband's Mental Health Frightens Wife Into a Divorce

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 28th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am in the process of a divorce from my husband who cuts himself. Recently, he had an episode that resulted in a 72-hour hold for evaluation in a hospital. This is more than I can handle. My fear is finding him dead one morning. He says he loves me and wants to work things out, and he promises to stop (he's promised before). Am I being selfish for wanting out? -- SELFISH IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR SELFISH: Promising to stop self-harming behavior is not enough. Unless your husband is willing to get the necessary psychotherapy it will take for him to keep his promise, nothing will change. As it stands, I don't think it's selfish to want to escape from a situation in which you are helpless. The question is, if your husband is willing to get the help he needs and shows he is following through, would it have any effect on your decision to divorce him?

Marriage & DivorceMental Health
life

Family's Dreams of Marriage Proposal Are Disappointed

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 28th, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My daughter has been living with her boyfriend for three years with no promise of marriage. She is 37, so we have advised her very little. The problem is, she wants us to continue treating him as family at gatherings and celebrations. Her father, sister and I are uncomfortable with this. On her most recent birthday, we were hoping he would give her a ring, but he gave her a snowboard.

We think he is leading her on and has no intention of marrying her. We no longer feel comfortable treating him like a member of our family. Are we right? -- LOOKING OUT FOR OUR GIRL

DEAR LOOKING OUT: What you were hoping your daughter's boyfriend would give her for her birthday is irrelevant. I understand that you would like your daughter to be married, but it is possible that she and this man are comfortable with things the way they are. If you start to freeze him out, you may alienate not only him but also your daughter, so I don't recommend it.

You appear to be confusing the boyfriend's unwillingness or inability to make a formal commitment with some kind of rejection, which may not be the case at all. Some couples live together longer than this before heading down the aisle.

Marriage & DivorceFamily & Parenting

Subscribe

Receive Dear Abby Free Every Day


Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Piccolina
  • Two Degrees
  • Lulu
  • Toy Around
  • A Clean Getaway
  • Patio Appeal
  • Secret Shared by Friend's Daughter Puts LW in a Tough Spot
  • Transitioned Sister Poses as Widow
  • Overseas Solo Travel Plans Worry Parents
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2022 Andrews McMeel Universal