DEAR ABBY: During my wedding reception a month ago, one of the guests (a friend of my mom's) poured a glass of water on the DJ's laptop because he felt the music was too loud and he wanted it shut down. My husband was furious and asked the guest to leave. The incident was blamed on too much alcohol, and it ruined the rest of the evening. Many guests were upset and left.
The man ended up paying the DJ to replace the laptop and sent us a note of apology for his behavior. My question is, must we send a thank-you note to him and his wife for the wedding gift they gave us? What the man did was unforgivable. In many ways he spoiled our day. Mom thinks I should "do the right thing" and thank them for the gift. It wasn't his wife's fault, so I am thinking of addressing the note to her only. Is that OK? -- WEDDING DAY SURVIVOR
DEAR SURVIVOR: I know of no rule of etiquette that forbids addressing the note only to her. However, when you write the note, word it this way, "We want to thank you and 'John' (or 'your husband') for the (gift), and we'll think of you when we use it." That way you will have thanked them both for it, and your manners will be above reproach. And if you prefer to avoid them in the future, you'll get no argument from me.