DEAR ABBY: I have a complicated family situation. My dad was married to a woman named "Cynthia" for 16 years until they divorced. He met and married my mother the next year. My parents were married for 40 years, until Mom died of cancer a year ago. Since her death, I have gone with my dad to a few holiday events hosted at his other daughters' houses, where we saw them and Cynthia. Everyone was cordial and welcoming.

A few days ago, Dad told me that he and Cynthia are dating, and he asked me to wish them luck. My immediate reaction was "Why?!" I left immediately, and have ignored his phone calls ever since.

I cannot express how upset this made me. I realize he's a lonely old man who would like to maybe start dating again, but his ex-wife? It feels like a total betrayal of my mother and me, like we were only some sort of intermission from his first family.

There are so many reasons why this feels like a sad and terrible idea, up to and including the havoc it will wreak on all of his daughters if something goes wrong again. I feel like he hasn't taken into account anyone's feelings but his own.

Am I selfish to feel this way? Is there anything I can do to stop this dead in its tracks? I don't want to be the bad guy, but I will NEVER be OK with this. -- "INTERMISSION" DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: If you are never OK with this, you will punish only yourself. Your father's divorce from Cynthia appears to have been amicable. His attraction to her may have more to do with the fact that he is drawn to someone familiar than any lack of feeling for you and your mother.

Instead of punishing him by ignoring his calls, I urge you to talk to him. What he's doing isn't disrespectful. He has mourned your mother's death for a year. Let him find happiness if he can, because if you do, I predict that it will spill over into your own life.

DEAR ABBY: "Hiding My Smile in New Jersey" (Feb. 28) was embarrassed by the condition of her teeth, which she had neglected for years. Your advice to her/him was excellent, but I'd like to add one more suggestion:

Schools of dentistry often have programs in which care is offered to lower-income patients under a reduced-fee structure, based on the client's income. Care is provided by dental students under close supervision by their board-certified dental professors. Students participate as assistants in procedures prior to being allowed to perform these procedures. In the latter case, the senior dentist serves as the assistant (and guide). -- PATRICIA IN KENTUCKY

DEAR PATRICIA: Thank you for offering that suggestion, one that was echoed by many readers who wrote to lend support to "Hiding." Some of them also advised looking into a company that provides credit to finance medical and dental work. Usually it's a no-interest loan for a certain period, which allows patients to pay over time without having to wait for their care. The dental care provider may be able to recommend one.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Kate," approached me on a matter I'm uncomfortable with. For the last 12 years we have laughed, cried, consulted on everything we struggle with and shared our joys. Kate has a great marriage. I'm struggling with the decision to remain in mine.

Recently, Kate, her husband and I were on an outing when they mentioned a menage a trois. It was obvious to me that they have done this before. Kate has been my closest friend for years, but I realize now there's a side to her I never knew.

My resistance to their suggestion seems to have had no effect on her, yet I'm wrestling with my feelings. I'm trying to ignore this and maintain the friendship we had before, but it has been difficult. I wish I had never known, but now that I do, I need help sorting it out. -- MISSING MY BEST FRIEND

DEAR MISSING: How do you feel about the concept of open marriage? Do you approve? Disapprove? When Kate invited you into her marriage -- which is what she and her husband did -- the dynamic of your longtime friendship was changed. If you still felt the same about her, you wouldn't be writing to me.

If you can get past this, you can still be friends. But on some level your relationship will never be as it was before she crossed that boundary.

DEAR ABBY: I recently moved in with "Tim," a man I have been dating for more than a year. We're very much in love and plan to be married one day. My problem is he keeps getting phone calls from old girlfriends. This morning someone called, but hung up when I picked up the phone.

Until now, I have trusted Tim completely. Now I'm afraid perhaps we acted too soon in moving in together.

Tim has always remained friends with all of his girlfriends after their relationships ended. He says they are nothing more than friends now. I think he should have finalized his previous romances before I moved in. I believe he should take the initiative in contacting these women and ask them to respect our relationship by not calling.

How can I handle this without giving him an ultimatum? -- UPSET IN SEATTLE

DEAR UPSET: If, after one hang-up, you are questioning Tim's commitment to you, you're being unfair. It's possible the hang-up was a wrong number or a telemarketing call, and nothing more.

Ask yourself what it is about a hang-up on the telephone that has made you feel so vulnerable. You knew after you had dated Tim for a while that he's the type of person who maintains friendships after the romance fizzles. Relax! And remember the person he invited to share the nest and build a future with was you.

DEAR ABBY: Since my husband and I were married two years ago, my relatives have been asking when we are going to have kids. I know they mean well, but these relatives all have a tendency to talk among themselves once they find juicy gossip to circulate.

I am now pregnant with our first child. I have asked my immediate family to keep the happy news to themselves and let the others find out later in my pregnancy or after the birth of my child.

How do we respond to these nosy, gossipy relatives when they ask, "Why didn't you tell us sooner?" -- STAYING MUM FOR NOW

DEAR STAYING MUM: The answer is, "Because we wanted to keep it private."

DEAR ABBY: I have been concerned about my parents for some time now. They are elderly and live in a retirement community. They have a very nice home and don't have to worry about money.

The problem is, they drink every day -- sometimes from noon to when they go to bed. Many times, their drinking has caused arguments and police visits. When I express my concern about their drinking, they tell me to stay out of it, mind my own business, and they're retired and have earned the right to do whatever they want.

Abby, I don't mind them having cocktails every now and then, but this has gotten out of hand. I think they have become alcoholics and only bad things are coming of it. They refuse to listen to me, or anybody else, for that matter. What should I do? -- WORRIED WILLIAM IN NEW YORK

DEAR WILLIAM: As people age, their bodies are sometimes less able to metabolize alcohol than they were when they were younger. When things get out of hand to the extent that the police are being called, I agree something must be done. Because there is this level of disruption going on, it follows that the neighbors in that very nice retirement community must be less than thrilled.

That your parents drink is only part of the problem. Elderly people can suffer from balance problems even when they are sober. It is common for someone who is inebriated to fall, which could cause your mom or dad to suffer serious injury.

If other family members are also worried about your folks, an intervention might be in order. Before attempting one, attend some Al-Anon meetings so you can listen to others' similar experiences and learn how they were handled. Visit www.al-anon.alateen.org, or call 1-888-4-ALANON to find a meeting near you.

DEAR ABBY: I went out to dinner with a close friend last night. During the hour we were at the restaurant, she made and received no less than 11 cellphone calls. These were entire conversations, not unanswered rings or a quick, "I'm busy now. Call you later."

If there had been extenuating circumstances, maybe I wouldn't feel so offended. But the chats were with a co-worker, someone from church, her boyfriend, her daughter, etc. This friend does "live" on her phone, but this was excessive even for her.

I thought it was ridiculous, and next time I may be "too busy" to meet her for dinner. Should I say something or just avoid or limit meals with her in the future? -- PUT ON HOLD IN TEXAS

DEAR PUT ON HOLD: Tell your friend that you were very hurt by her lack of consideration at dinner because you had looked forward to spending some time with her -- not listening secondhand to her 11 conversations. Her behavior that night was thoughtless and rude, and she owes you an apology.

DEAR ABBY: Should stepchildren and their offspring be recorded in your family Bible? -- KEEPER OF THE FAMILY BIBLE

DEAR KEEPER: Yes, if they are considered members of the family.