DEAR ABBY: I am a 40-year-old man, divorced with teenage children, and have been exclusively dating a woman who has a 4-year-old daughter. There have been no clashes between our children.
We have yet to have sex. When I'm over at her place, I sleep on the living room floor either on an inflatable air mattress (her idea) or in a sleeping bag (my response when I just couldn't take the air mattress any longer). Either way, I feel like I'm left to sleep on a dog bed -- not great for my self-esteem, as you can imagine.
My girlfriend uses her daughter as the reason, suggesting that the girl just wouldn't understand me sleeping in Mommy's bed. I don't personally see it as being a big issue for her daughter, given how long we have been together. We have discussed the subject, and she makes reference to perhaps planning some sort of rendezvous, but it never seems to go from theory to practice.
There are no religious issues here. My girlfriend did have a promiscuous and troubled past as a young adult, so I'm sensitive to the issue. But this is driving me nuts. Any suggestions would be appreciated. -- ON HOLD IN NEW YORK
DEAR ON HOLD: People usually find the time to do the things they want to do. Your girlfriend may be holding out for marriage, not have a strong sex drive, or not be as attracted to you as you are to her.
You didn't mention how long you have been seeing this lady, but I think it's time you discussed your feelings with her again, find out exactly why your sexual relationship hasn't gone from theory to practice, and take your cue from there.