life

Ex-Husband's Parade of Dates Interferes With His Dad Time

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 12th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for a year and have two boys, ages 8 and 9. During this time, my ex-husband has introduced three different women to my children and recently introduced them to a new girlfriend he has been seeing for a few weeks. The first day that they met the girlfriend, he had the children spend the night at her place. The woman has a 9-year-old son of her own.

I do not find this appropriate. When I confronted my ex, he insisted that there is no problem with it. How long do you recommend someone wait before introducing children to the person he/she is dating? Am I wrong to be concerned about this? -- CARING MOM IN KANSAS

DEAR CARING MOM: Unless your ex is trying to teach his sons that relationships are revolving doors, he should slow down the traffic. They need to spend time with their father, not their father plus one. Occasionally having a female friend join him and the boys is all right, provided they understand she's just a friend. But he shouldn't have been diluting the time he was spending with the boys during this first year to the extent that he has because it sends the wrong message.

Family & ParentingMarriage & Divorce
life

Friend Can't Let Go of Long-Distance Romance

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 12th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My lesbian friend, "Giselle," broke up with her significant other, whom she met over the internet. They have actually never met in person because her girlfriend, "Samantha," lives in Canada, but Giselle says they were soul mates. Samantha has moved on and now has another sweetheart, but Giselle won't move on.

It has been many months and Giselle is still trapped in this bubble of sadness. She won't stop talking about how much she loves Samantha. I kept reassuring her everything would be OK and maybe she would find somebody else like her internet friend did.

After a few months, she became angry with me, and accused me of not being supportive of her trying to get Samantha back. She also accused me of not understanding "what girl-to-girl love is," which makes no sense, considering that I'm bi.

This has been going on for nearly a year. Should I back off, or must I continue to be supportive of something I know can't happen? -- TRYING TO BE SUPPORTIVE

DEAR TRYING: Giselle is angry at you not because you haven't been supportive, but because she's upset her feelings for Samantha aren't returned. This is called "displaced anger," and you happen to be the nearest target. Your life will be a lot more pleasant if you step out of the picture until Giselle figures out for herself that her romance has fizzled and decides for herself to move on.

Friends & NeighborsLove & Dating
life

Son Wanted Ashes Scattered Far From Home

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 12th, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My son was cremated as he had requested, but he also asked that his ashes be spread far away from home, which would require us to take a long trip to do. Would it be disrespectful not to accommodate that part of his request? If we did that, we would have no part of him near or with us. Do you have an opinion? -- SO FAR AWAY

DEAR SO FAR AWAY: Yes, but first allow me to offer my condolences for the loss of your son. If you feel the need to have his cremains physically close to you, do what will bring you comfort. Divide the ashes, keep some of them and honor his wishes with the rest.

DeathFamily & Parenting
life

Handyman's Unwanted Attention Ruins Excitement of New Job

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 11th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: About six months ago, I started a new job I really enjoy. A handyman who does odd jobs around the building was working on the floor in my area. He was chatty and I made polite conversation, but now things have escalated.

He has started contacting me on social media to the point where I had to block him. He tries to talk to me daily and I am feeling very uncomfortable. He's twice my age and I have no interest in him, romantically or otherwise.

It has reached the point where I have a great deal of anxiety about going to work. I feel uncomfortable and intimidated. It's especially difficult because I work alone most of the day, so I am nervous he might try to harm me.

How should I approach this without it turning into a huge deal at work? I want to let my manager know, but I'm afraid it'll only cause more issues and make things worse. I'm afraid to make him mad, and afraid about what he might do. Any advice would be great. -- AFRAID HE'LL HARM ME

DEAR AFRAID: Talk to your manager about this immediately. This man should not be attempting to have a personal relationship with you in or out of work. He needs to be told to stop bothering you during work hours or attempting to contact you afterward, because if he doesn't, he could be cited for harassment or lose his job.

Health & SafetyWork & School
life

Dog Sitter Hopes Boyfriend Can Join Her on Weekend Assignments

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 11th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am 23 and a dog sitter. I work through a company that sets up the visits and stay overnight with different families' dogs.

There's one family I sit for regularly. I absolutely love their two dogs and the family themselves. I stay anywhere from two nights to seven nights and work a second job on the weekdays. After walking, feeding, etc. is done, I have a ton of free time.

My dilemma: I'd like my long-term boyfriend to stay with me for a night or two on the weekends. I'm having trouble figuring out how -- or if -- I should ask them. They have never met my boyfriend, but I have proven my own trustworthiness because they keep asking me to come back.

I will go through my boss first, but I'm worried that the family may be offended if I even ask. Should I ask, or should I just let it be since it's part of my job? Help! -- THE DOG SITTER

DEAR DOG SITTER: You are in the dog-sitting BUSINESS, and if you want to be successful, you need to view it as such. Definitely discuss this question with your employer. Because you are working through a company, that company could be liable for any property loss or damage that might occur while your boyfriend was staying in a client's home with you.

But if there's any question in your mind about how asking your clients to have your boyfriend stay with you in their house will be received, don't do it. Some families have moral values that would preclude unmarried couples sleeping together under their roof. For the sake of your own credibility, please consider what I'm trying to convey to you.

Work & SchoolEtiquette & Ethics
life

Couple's Spare Bedroom Is No Longer Open for Guests

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 10th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: We are a married couple in our 60s and have no close family. Before retirement, we would playfully tease each other that when we retired, we'd turn our spare bedroom into a "fun fantasy adult room." Fast forward -- we now have our special room, and we're having a blast.

Well, we got a call from distant relatives who will be heading our way, and they asked to stay with us for a few days. How do we explain that we have no room for them without causing problems? -- DISCREET IN WASHINGTON

DEAR DISCREET: Be honest -- to a degree. After telling them that you are unable to accommodate them, explain that because you have turned the spare bedroom into an "entertainment center," it is no longer set up for guests, but you'd love to see them while they're in town and take them OUT for dinner. Just remember that if you are asked, you do not have to reveal what kind of games you are playing in there.

Etiquette & EthicsSex & GenderMarriage & Divorce
life

Use of Prosthetic Is Off the List of First-Date Conversation Topics

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 10th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm curious to know your thoughts regarding this dating situation: If a person has a prosthetic and the device isn't obvious, when and how would you recommend it be disclosed to the dating partner? Is it "too much information" to reveal on a first date? Would it be all right to wait a couple of dates, see how they go, and then reveal the fact? Please help, if you can. -- CURIOUS IN LYNCHBURG

DEAR CURIOUS: I see no reason to reveal something like this on a first -- or even second -- date, and certainly not with a virtual stranger. "Prosthetics" of various kinds are common, but few people are willing to discuss the fact that their appearance has been enhanced with false teeth, caps and veneers, breast implants, Botox or a hair transplant. People are more than a prosthetic, so new acquaintances should get to know the person before receiving that information.

Etiquette & EthicsLove & Dating
life

Political Bumper Sticker Becomes Bone of Contention

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 10th, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: This politically divisive year has fueled a debate in our family. I like to put a political sticker on my car (on a magnet). That way I can remove it when I want. One of my relatives won't ride in my car if I have my sticker on. I say it's my car and I can put what I want on it. He says I should be "sensitive to others' feelings" when they are in the car. What do you think? -- POLITICALLY STUMPED

DEAR POLITICALLY STUMPED: You have a right to exercise your freedom of expression. If your relative prefers not to ride in a car with a bumper sticker advertising "the other" political party, then he or she should feel free to arrange for alternative transportation.

Etiquette & Ethics

Subscribe

Receive Dear Abby Free Every Day


Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Father Questions Son's Therapy Treatments
  • Fiancée's Devotion to Start-Up Frustrates, Worries Loved Ones
  • Father's Ex-Mistress Is Back in Town
  • Toy Around
  • A Clean Getaway
  • Patio Appeal
  • September Sunshine
  • Talking to Strangers
  • Up North With Mom and Dad
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2023 Andrews McMeel Universal